to be upset that dh has agreed to sil doing this

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DD is 2. Pantomime wasn't even on my radar for this year. I got home tonight to DH telling me his sister is taking DD to pantomime. His sister is older & has never wanted kids. She has babysat in the evenings about 5 times but has never had DD to entertain on her own in waking hours.

I also feel that a child's first trip to the theatre is something special & always envisaged sharing this experience with DD & DH as a family. I don't really think she's old enough this year but I am really upset that I won't be sharing her first panto with her. (I am also 15 weeks pregnant & slightly hormonal)

DH thinks I'm being selfish. What do you guys think?

Not selfish, a bit precious maybe! She won't remember, but will have fun and you can put your feet up! Win win!

Can't you go too! I would be upset to miss this as well....yanbu.

Why don't you get a family ticket and you can all go together? DD can sit next to Auntie and Mummy.

Sil is trying to do a nice thing
Yabu

YNBU- Im much more hands on with DN than your SIL appears to be but this year she is having her first trip to panto with just her mum. SIL did ask if I wanted to take her but I felt it was something they should do together.

And even if it was selfish arent you allowed to want to do special things with your own child?!

YABU. She's trying to be nice not to piss on your chips. You can't sulk at her for doing something you weren't going to do, then say 'but I wanted to do that'.

Ummm, you might be being a bu.

But then my Gran took me to the pantomime when I was little so I don't see it as a "mum" thing to do really.

YABU

Honestly get a grip, SIL is trying to be nice! There will be plenty of other 'firsts' you can do with DD and 'first panto' that she probably won't sit thru or remember in a few months is not such a biggie.

Most people would be happy that SIl was taking an interest.

I don't know your child, but if someone offered to take DS to the theater I would

1. Be massively thankful I didn't have to sit through the tripe that is panto.
2. Bite their arm off at the idea of a few child free hours.
3. PMLS at the very notion DS might be persuaded to sit in one place for more than 5 minutes.

My DS was 2.5 when I first took him to the theatre. We saw Fireman Sam. He was mesmerised.
He was as good as gold and we saw Roary The Racing Car a couple of months later.
We took him to the Panto for the first time last year, he was 3.1

Yanbu to not want to miss the first trip to the theatre but you might find he'll be fine.

I'd suggest you all go

I think you should write a lists of how many firsts you have done and how many you expect to do. It will probably take you a long time and a few pages.

Then consider how important this one little first really is, especially as she'll be too young to understand it properly.

You've got the rest of her childhood to celebrate her firsts with her and IME every time you take them to the theatre unless they are too young it is a magical experience. You'll have plenty more opportunities.

Just make sure your SIL knows that you will be taking her next year if you don't want it to become a tradition that she takes her.

I sort of can't help but think sil has never even taken her to the park & suddenly she's taking her to panto. I happen to be off work on the selected day so it's normally a rare day for DD & I together, but the tickets have already been booked so I can't go with, or I'd be sat alone which sort if defeats the point

She may not realise that this might be challenging for DD and it will be a good learning experience for them both. When you know she is ready for a theatre experience you can take her, you'll have a great time.

You are being a bit selfish. She wants to bond with DD. Trust me, as the parent of an 18 year old, somewhere down the line you and she will be grateful that there are other adults who love her and can talk to her in difficult times.

If your SIL doesn't know how you feel then how is she supposed to make this right? I think you're being a bit unreasonable. I don't see the big deal about a pantomime really but each to their own.

There seems to be a bit of a trend on MN at the moment of proprietorial mothers wanting to claim all kinds of 'firsts' for really quite inconsequential (in my opinion) things. If they're not very careful, they will end up doing all the firsts, seconds, thirds and everything else as family members lose interest. We'll then see a slew of posts along the lines of "Thought my family would be more interested in the DCs...".

Communication is key. This is a family member you're talking about.

She is trying to be nice. There are plenty of other chances for trips to see shows!

DS went to his first show (Peppa Pig) when he was just over 2. My nephew was with us and he was 17 months old so he isn't necessarily too young.

My dd has just turned 2 and she's been to the theatre a couple of times. We went to the singing kettle when she was 18mo and she loved it. So your dd might quite enjoy it.

As for the sil thing, I know what it's like, but you need to pick your battles. I would let them go this time, especially since you are pg, it might be good for them to bond before the baby's born. If you need some help with child care after the birth or something it'd be good to know they get on we'll enough for you to leave them together.

YABU

She's just trying to do something nice. You weren't going to do it anyway.

Enjoy your free time. Presumably she's going to the matinee performance - you and DH could go for a nice lunch on your own.

I can see where you're coming from. But....
a) She will never remember it so it's honestly not that big a deal.
b) If it goes well it will be a nice bonding experience for SIL and DD.
c) There is no way you can reasonably object to this without coming across as a precious over-emotional screaming harpee to DH's family.

Just say 'great, thanks!' and enjoy a couple of hours to yourself!

Give her the money for the tickets and take dd yourself. It is a bit of a shame for sil, but it sounds like it would be a bigger deal for you to miss out on this than it would be to sil.

God I don't understand this way of thinking at all

My sister was so cross her sil took her ds on a train for the first time
I just thought her ds was lucky to have such a loving aunt

Oh for the love of God, do be so petty and mealy mouthed.

This isn't your exclusive child - your DP (poor sod) has an equal say over child arrangements. fact is, SIL bothered to book a panto - you didn't. You know what, they might even enjoy it.

FWIW for those with the wriggly arsed children, mine could sit through theatre/panto from 20 months and not be a PIA.

Is there any chance you can take dd to the theatre before hand if its so important to you? That way you get your special moment, sil gets to treat and enjoy spending time with dd and everyone is happy?