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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to blow the Christmas present budget?

35 replies

pleasestoptalking · 26/11/2012 17:53

I am a stay-at-home mum therefore have no income coming in. I have agreed a £70 per child Christmas present budget with my husband (who is working) which I have completely blown. I've managed to stay way under it for the 2 year old but for the older children it's gone way over - about double for one of them.

Have I done a bad thing or was this an unreasonable budget? I know £70 is a lot of money but toys / clothes are s*dding expensive.

OP posts:
GrimAndHumourlessAndEven · 26/11/2012 17:56

need more info

is your husband's income viewed as 'his money', and he disburses a set amount to you each month, or is it 'family money' to be spent as necessary?

Annianni · 26/11/2012 17:57

I'm a sahm, we're spending 250 each on dsd and ds1, and 50 on Ds2 (20 months)

If you can afford it, don't worry about it.

It's chrriiissssttmaasssss :o

ChocHobNob · 26/11/2012 17:59

Are you being unreasonable to who? To yourself? You can spend what you want? To your partner? Did he have a say in going over the budget? If not and he isn't happy with spending more than you agreed, then I would say you were BU. If he isn't that fussed and you aren't struggling for money after spending more, then YANBU. It's your money, you can spend it how you like.

HoratiaWinwood · 26/11/2012 18:00

How old are they? Is the total budget still averaging at £70? Did you plan before you bought, or just pick stuff up when you saw it?

And is your budget for philosophical or financial reasons?

Without further information I am siding with the husband.

forevergreek · 26/11/2012 18:08

I think £70 is a good budget if tha what you agreed ( assuming that's what you can afford), why did you go over?

I have no budget but doubt that will get spent on little ones, so far they hae a wooden till and shopping scales for toy kitchen ( £15 reduced from £55) that will be joint, plus a bit of Lego, few books, and some toy animals.

By not spending hundreds each on unnecessary stuff we can afford to splurge on a family ski trip after xmas

ProPerformer · 26/11/2012 18:10

The bottom line is can you afford it? If you can then great YANBU (though you should've discussed with DH I think), if you can't YABU. It's not difficult to spend 'just' £70 on a child for Christmas, you just but less, get second hand etc. Kids need to understand that they can't have everything they want and that money doesn't grow on trees. I see so many families go in to debt over Christmas because they feel they must spoil their kids and it's do silly. One year I got a flute for Christmas - it was my only present from my whole family bar a couple of token gifts. I also got only token gifts for my January birthday. I was 9. Did I feel I'd missed out? Not at all, it's given me a great understanding and respect for money. Great life lesson.

I'm on a £70 budget for my DS for his December birthday and Christmas and have managed it easily. It's about shopping around and realising that it won't hurt your children to not get everything on their lists. It's just stuff after all.

YankTeeDoodleDanTee · 26/11/2012 18:10

If you can afford it, go for it.

Sounds like a lot to me.

InNeedOfBrandy · 26/11/2012 18:12

Budgets for christmas annoy me,

bondigidum · 26/11/2012 18:14

It depends if you have got into money trouble because of it.

To me £70 per child is a modest amount. I'd say anything up to £250 per child is about the right amount depending on age. I wouldn't spend more than £150 on a baby/toddler/young child but would spend more on an older child because by that age they're wanting games consoles/games/phones/bikes/ipads/laptops etc.

That's just my personal opinion though. I don't have an opinion on anyone spending more or less than we do because that is their money, not mine and they can spend it on what they like. It is silly to get into debt though but different folks and all that.

bondigidum · 26/11/2012 18:18
  • I would be proud if we managed anything like £70 per child. I'm rubbish with money and have never budgeted for anything (well i've tried but it never works out). So I don't have a clue what i've spent..
Original poster
pleasestoptalking · 26/11/2012 18:20

Hmmm yes, rather than being unreasonable I think I am just being crap at budgeting. We have different attitudes to Christmas. Husband's is obviously a bit more restrained than mine. In my defense I have included clothes that they need such as jeans and jumpers as presents...

a bit less crap??

thought not.

I will have to 'fess up tonight... and I've already eaten his Christmas Chocolate Orange.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 26/11/2012 18:22

I would not include christmas clothes in their present budget

Trills · 26/11/2012 18:22

Yes, YABU to agree to something and then not stick to it.

If you thought £70 was too little you shouldn't have agreed to it.

forevergreek · 26/11/2012 18:23

Why not crinkle? It's money that has been spent

TidyDancer · 26/11/2012 18:26

Yes, YABU. Not so much in how much you've spent, but that you've blown a budget without agreeing it with your DH.

If he asks you to, can you take any of it back? I presume you had £70 in mind for a reason?

Crikeyblimey · 26/11/2012 18:27

We always budget for Christmas. But then, we always budget for everything (or we'd run out of money).

However, some people / children may get more spent, some less but total amount spent on everything Christmas has to be accounted for. It doesn't take the excitement and fun out if it, in fact it allows loads of freedom cos I know the money is there to spend without me worrying that January will have us eating jam butties for every meal.

I think you do need to fess up (but don't mention the chocolate orange - we all need our little secrets). You might have to cut back somewhere else if you have overspent.

AmazingBouncingFerretDude · 26/11/2012 18:28

Well it all depends doesnt it.

If you'd agreed to the £70 budget because otherwise you'll struggle for money during Christmas and after then YABU.

natation · 26/11/2012 18:30

Of course if you made a joint agreement to stay under £70 and you went over, it's not a reasonable thing to do. Eyes rolling at what some people think is a reasonable amount to spend on Christmas presents. It's very hard not to be judgmental at UK view of spending materially on their children.

InNeedOfBrandy · 26/11/2012 18:31

When I read stories like this it makes me realise the freedom I have as a single parent, I can buy whatever I want to buy (within my wages) for my dc without even a second thought. I don't have to ask for money or explain I have bought more then intended.

Glittertwins · 26/11/2012 18:36

It shouldn't matter if you can still afford it. Why do you have to ask permission on amounts though, surely it's family money?
I'm not a single parent however I certainly do not have to ask DH for money or explain anything.

wonderingsoul · 26/11/2012 18:36

both my kids have presents have come just under 70 each. thats inclusing the stuff from farther c.

it is hard. iv seen SO many thing that they would love and /or things that iw ould love them to have. its very easy to go over board.

it is incredably hard not to pick something up thats a good deal or that'll love.
hopfully your oh wont be to mad..

oh and buy him another chocolate orange Wink

Gentleness · 26/11/2012 18:37

Rarely say this but I think you are being entirely unreasonable to over-spend. Yes, you want to spend over on your kids - we all do! But if you agreed a budget, it was your responsibility to stay within it. Maybe fine to use it as a total budget rather than rigid per child, but whatever you spend over has to come from somewhere.
Even if you could afford extra, surely you should continue with it being a joint decision if that is the way you run your family finances rather than spending ahead without agreeing it together.

For us, we think £50 is about right (generous!) per child, partly because we don't want to make Christmas a really big deal - we'd rather negotiate about any bigger purchases according to need, not according to desire for a present. But that is our family attitude to money and needs and sensible expenditure I wouldn't dream of commenting on whether your original budget was reasonable or not.

theri · 26/11/2012 18:45

DH and i agree a maximum amount to spend on each other every year and we blow it every year. No specific budget on children as that is done over months. As long as bills are paid and there is food in the house, life is too short to not spoil everyone

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 26/11/2012 18:48

It depends on the reason for the budget, if you have enough money to spend more then I dont see the harm but then again I have never really done "budgeting" with dh. Since Im the one shopping 99% of the time he just trusts me to get on with it and that I will leave enough for bills etc.
We spend more on the older children than the younger children, but tbh I can see how you would struggle to get many things for £70.

Trills · 26/11/2012 18:49

If you are an adult, and you agree to something, you should do your very best to stick to it.

If your DH is controlling about money while you are a SAHM, that's a different thread entirely.

If you and your DH argue about how to celebrate Christmas, that's also a different thread.

If you are unable to do sums in your head in order to tell whether you have gone over £70, that's another different thread.

But all we know is that you agreed to something and did not stick to it. So you are being unreasonable.

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