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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to consider giving our new baby a completely different surname to DH and me?

63 replies

turnleft · 25/11/2012 14:59

I posted recently about the problems we're having choosing a name for our impending baby girl due to our tricky surname. It's here if anyone is remotely interested:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1617289-to-find-naming-our-baby-difficult

DH suggested that we consider giving her his mums maiden name instead. Its a lovely name with no real teasing potential and goes with every first name we can think of.

What do you think? Is it just a bit too out there? Has anyone done this? I'm considering it as it means I could give our bundle of joy the first name I want to give her but at the same time still feel it may just be a bit too wacky and extreme. ... Or should we just choose a name that we like but isn't our one of our favourites just so that it goes with our surname. Please give me your thoughts!

OP posts:
FeuDeSnowyRussie · 25/11/2012 20:59

That's what I'd have thought talkin!

OP DH and I are changing both our surnames to a completely new one of our choosing...why not take the opportunity to get rid of a name you don't like, especially if it will mean giving your baby the name your really want her to have? Hardly any names go with my surname (it's harsh and vowelly at the same time!), so I will be glad to be rid of it!

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay · 25/11/2012 21:02

There was an article in the Guardian about the travel thing recently - here. Not something I have heard of people having issues with in real life though.

Iggly · 25/11/2012 21:03

I haven't read any posts other than the OP.

YABU. I think it's odd. Seems nice and twee now but when baby is here, you'll like it for a bit then I bet you'll wish you'd gone traditional.

TalkinPeace2 · 25/11/2012 21:07

Not a problem I've ever had - BUT I'm blonde and that Gruaniad article was really about covert racism.

As a kid I always had a different name from my mum after she remarried and it was never a problem.

boobyboo · 25/11/2012 21:09

If you don't changes yours and your DP's name too you'll be making more of an issue of it. The other kids will be seeking out the humour in your surname like bloodhounds and everyone will be talking about it.

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay · 25/11/2012 21:10

I agree it is sort of about covert racism. But I think it's also poor understanding of genetics. I think that a blond child belonging to an olive skinned/dark haired woman makes a lot of people assume they are not genetically related. Whereas, say, a white woman with a mixed race child would not provoke the same reaction.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/11/2012 21:54

I have a different second name to DD and am a different nationality. That does make for interesting travelling only in the States when DH isn't with us. I think immigration workers do think I have abducted her. It was worse when she was a tiny baby and looked the spit of her DF. Now she is a mini me so people ask less questions.

brdgrl · 25/11/2012 22:00

My DSD has a different surname than either of her parents, or her brother. (It is a version of her mum's, but changed back to an older form and actually quite different. It is also a bit unusual as a result of being an older form.)

It is not a problem and she is quite proud of it. We have three different surnames in the household now, and have never had any issues about it when traveling or anywhere else.

TalkinPeace2 · 25/11/2012 22:01

MrsTP - the blue passport makes it easier getting the whole family past Homeland though Wink

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 25/11/2012 22:15

I wouldn't say the travelling thing is actually difficult. We have been questioned, but we answer the questions and go on our way. It's not a problem. I'd prefer to answer a couple of simple questions at border control than think something could have been done to save an abducted child when it hadn't been.

turnleft · 25/11/2012 22:21

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies, the idea is slightly odd for me but I am just trying to work out what to do and its an option that came up. Maybe I'm overthinking.

OneWellandTruly
OP is the problem that the surname is tricky by itself or just that it doesn't go with the first name you want?

The surname isn't great then again not the worst. The main issue I suppose is that I have a whole shortlist of names and none of them - not a one! - go with it either because they form a word or they just sound twee and silly. Basically, the choice of names that sit well with our surname is vastly reduced because of this.

OP posts:
whathaveiforgottentoday · 25/11/2012 22:42

I got questioned about dd having a different name coming back from Paris on the eurostar. My passport is still in my maiden name but DD has family name. I am married but haven't changed my passport yet as too tight to pay for it to get changed until it runs out.
Thought it was very odd and gave the customs man a very strange look especially as dd looks just like me. He told me off and said I should carry her birth certificate.

TalkinPeace2 · 26/11/2012 12:53

whathavei
tell him to piss off - sexist git
if each of you have a travel doc you do not even have to go through customs together.
I'm different name and different nationality from my kids
I'd throw a wobbler at any customs man who tried that (have already been locked up once ages ago, it holds no fear)

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