Are this bride and groom being unreasonable?

[TidyDancer]

Upcoming wedding, children are welcome. Quite large scale do.

One couple are being invited minus their DCs however, because they are very badly behaved. They have run amok at a wedding earlier in the year that the B&G of this wedding were present at. They have also done similar at other social gatherings.

The parents do not discipline their DCs. The mother refuses to because (and she does admit this) she is worried the DCs won't love her if she tells them off. The father is handsoff and defers to the mother on all childrearing issues. This has been the case since they were small children. One is now 10, the other 7.

The parents are angry the DCs have been excluded from this wedding and are thinking of confronting their friends. B&G did not want to have a childfree wedding, but they really do not want the drama and disturbance that accompanies this family with the undisciplined DCs. Other guests that have been present for the behaviour before have actively thanked the B&G for taking this step.

Who is unreasonable? The B&G for excluding the DCs, or the parents for kicking up a fuss about it?

[Mrsjay]

these kids are 10 and 7 so not little and they still don't know how to behave oh Id just sit back and watch those teen years slap them about the face .

[Mrsjay]

I have a family member like these parents infact she left her husband because of him trying to discipline her children and now they are out of control but at last they like her eh

[marriedinwhite]

Actually I think it is unreasonable to invite everyone else's children and not theirs. I wouldn't have invited the couple or their children - the couple are responsible for the children's behaviour ultimately. And I would not have provided an explanation to anyone.

[ChaoticismyLife]

Team bride and groom here :)

The parents need to start disciplining their children and fast before it's too late, if it isn't already.

[EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin]

Kudos to the B and G!

[Salmotrutta]

B&G deffo NBU!

Mind you - even if the parents want to come on their own it doesn't sound like there would be a stampede of people willing to babysit the little horrors children

[pinkyredrose]

I actually feel quite sorry for the children. Growing up without boundaries, guidance, discipline and an understanding of respect is a terrible start in life.

[Jacksmania]

Please read the thread! It's not that the mum gets no back-up from the dad. Apparently he is completely under her thumb and when he tries to discipline, she won't let him.

[Jacksmania]

ComfusedPixie, oh dear - that is unfortunately a very good point!

[pinkyredrose]

I read the thread.

[pinkyredrose]

Oh was that aimed at me jacks?!

[LemonBreeland]

Wow that is not just a bit naughty, that is completely out of control.

I also feel sorry for the kids as it does them no favours. I know a parent like this. Her ds is 9, and my ds used to go to school with him. In the 7 years I've known this woman amd her child she has never told him off properly. She split up with his Dad a couple of years ago and last year he went to live with his Dad as she couldn't cope with him. All her own making. On top of that the child is disliked by everyone, he constantly lies, and is bullying, he seems to lack confidence as he just doesn't have boundaries.

[thenightsky]

At 10 and 7 that is shocking behaviour

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

I read it too way I see it dad has free will. He is perfectly capable of of thinking for himself and sorting out his DCs bad behaviour and chooses not to put up a fight and let mum do it her way.

So therefore they are both to blame. imo. Not hard to figure out really is it?

[CaptainKirksNipples]

This is totally reasonable. I get pissed of because my verry cute and perfect well behaved dc's KEEP getting invited to weddings, the whole shebang when I want to have a child free night away :-) they even ate a Parma ham and rocket starter ffs! At 5 and 7 they can stay up quite late too...

[hackmum]

I'm with the bride and groom on this.

Obviously I would be mortified if I was the mum concerned, and I was going to put in a word of sympathy for her, but then I read the ages of the children and was shocked! Running up and down, smashing glasses, stealing people's food, and all once you're well past toddlerhood? There's something very wrong there.

[Mrsjay]

I actually feel quite sorry for the children. Growing up without boundaries, guidance, discipline and an understanding of respect is a terrible start in lif

yes it is I agree with you children do look for some boundaries and guidance to make them feel safe imo

[Jacksmania]

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:24:12
Oh yes, the father is equally responsible. I believe he has tried on occasion to do something about the lack of punishments that follow the bad behaviour, but the mother has stopped him. He is very under the thumb.

^so it's clearly not that the mother isn't getting back-up from the father. She is but she's stopping him.

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

Meh. He's still as bad as the mother though isnt he?

So does it really bloody matter? Such nit picking!

[Janeatthebarre]

The B&G are NBU. Maybe if more of us behaved like this instead of gritting our teeth and smiling insincerely when other people's children behave like annyoing little brats and are let away with murder, more of these idiotic parents would start putting manners on their children and realise that 'no, they are not cute little things that everyone loves unconditionally - they are rude, obnoxious and growing up to be totally dislikeable people through no fault of their own.
Does it occur to this mother who is so desperate for her children to love her that she is actually turning them into people that no one else will love? Selfish behaviour, really

[JustFabulous]

I would say I understand the mother's reasoning behind her not disciplining her children but I would get a major kicking, I know it.

[FirmlyInTheClosetAsImAMonster]

Obviously the bride and groom are being unreasonable for deliberately excluding young children. They're behaving like children themselves, it's like we're all back in school and they're picking teams and deliberatly leave a kid out. Ridiculous. And to let everyone know that these children have been excluded is also horrific and just plain mean. Why is it any of your business the way those parents choose to parent their kids?!?!

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Because they behave atrociously and are a liability to have at an event like a wedding?

[Mrsjay]

these children are unruly and dangerous throwing glasses around picking up other peoples food and you think this is ok for a 10 yr old and a 7 yr old to behave ? firmly are these your children .