Are this bride and groom being unreasonable?

[TidyDancer]

Upcoming wedding, children are welcome. Quite large scale do.

One couple are being invited minus their DCs however, because they are very badly behaved. They have run amok at a wedding earlier in the year that the B&G of this wedding were present at. They have also done similar at other social gatherings.

The parents do not discipline their DCs. The mother refuses to because (and she does admit this) she is worried the DCs won't love her if she tells them off. The father is handsoff and defers to the mother on all childrearing issues. This has been the case since they were small children. One is now 10, the other 7.

The parents are angry the DCs have been excluded from this wedding and are thinking of confronting their friends. B&G did not want to have a childfree wedding, but they really do not want the drama and disturbance that accompanies this family with the undisciplined DCs. Other guests that have been present for the behaviour before have actively thanked the B&G for taking this step.

Who is unreasonable? The B&G for excluding the DCs, or the parents for kicking up a fuss about it?

[TidyDancer]

Sock, the parents have been told by someone else that this is the reason. B&G haven't been able to speak to them personally yet. Not sure how they were planning to phrase it, I'm not certain there is a good way of doing it tbh.

Ridiculously, the parents seem to realise their DCs are a tad out of control, they do not spout the 'my kid is a free spirit' shit, but they seem to expect people to make allowances for that and sympathise. I'm sure people do sympathise with them to a degree, but this is a problem entirely of their own making.

[Jacksmania]

Well, I hope you're buying this B&G a massive present because if they really do stick to this, they'll have done you a massive favour. They'll have prepared the way for you to do the same.

[BaronessBomburst]

Oh, and that was 15 years ago and I'm still pissed off......

[Jacksmania]

Just channel The Bruce if your resolve weakens :o

[Catsmamma]

I neeeeeeeeeeeed more details...who are these atrocious parents with their spirited badly behaved children to the Happy Couple?

[Jacksmania]

Baroness, I would be, too. WTF is it with that kind of behaviour.

[TidyDancer]

Absolutely Jack, they certainly have done us a favour!

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Impressed that the Bride & Groom felt able to do this.

The mother needs to think long and hard about her parenting methods.

[TidyDancer]

They are close friends. DP and I are close friends of the bride who have become close with them as a couple. The parents are in a similar position, but with the groom, IYGWIM.

We all socialise as a group on occasion, the DCs go to the same school as my DS so I do see quite a lot of the parents.

[CookingFunt]

Does the mother of badly behaved children have a name beginning with H?

[TidyDancer]

Cooking, one of the DCs does, but not the mother.

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

Someone is being unreasonable and it isnt the couple getting married!

I can see why it's a bitter pill for these parents to swallow (no one wants to be faced with the fact that their DC have not been invited to something like this due to their shitty behaviour!) however the bride, groom and their families have no doubt put a lot of time, effort, thought and shit loads of money into this special day. why should they have it ruined by 2 kids and their parents who all behave badly?

The B&G will have to be prepared for a fall out from this but I'd say it was worth it tbh. I wouldnt want to be friends with the selfish couple.

Can I ask, what did these kids do at the other wedding???

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

Why is only the mother getting a hard time btw?! The father sounds equally bad!

[pinkyredrose]

The Bride and Groom are so NBU !!! The children sound like little horrors and their parents sound like total idiots.

Maybe it'll give them a wake up call.

[CaroleService]

Exit - so does the father

[TidyDancer]

Ran the length of the reception room screaming constantly.
Took food off other people's plates.
Smashed glasses deliberately.
Riled up other children.
The younger one went missing at one point (found outside by the lake - posh venue).

It went on and on from that.

The mother attempted a weak 'don't do that' a couple of times, but no discipline and no punishment.

[Mrsjay]

maybe if the parents actually disciplined their children then they would get invited places good on the B n G for standing up to them letting children run around because she is too weak and feeble to stop them is terrible parenting Im sorry but it just is, and it will end up biting her in the arse and this is the start of it,

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Yes, you are right.

Those poor children, growing up with no discipline, and no invitations

[CookingFunt]

Ok,we wont be at the same wedding then
I was hoping Hs kids weren't invited.

[TidyDancer]

Oh yes, the father is equally responsible. I believe he has tried on occasion to do something about the lack of punishments that follow the bad behaviour, but the mother has stopped him. He is very under the thumb.

[BaronessBomburst]

I bet they used their flippers to gouge chunks out the wedding cake and eat it, smoothing the icing back to cover the holes!

[LIZS]

B and G have clearly decided to put the friendship on the line for this and by sounds of it justifiably. If parents object they don't have to attend but perhaps it could be sweetened to them that they might feel able to enjoy themselves more without the children. Presumably the couple enjoy the adults' company more than the children's or they would be friends at all.

[ConfusedPixie]

I dunno if they've done you a favour really. Because I reckon by the time your wedding comes around, if this Bride has stuck to her guns and your's is next, the parents will be dying for a chance to let the kids 'prove themselves' wrt behaviour, and might see your wedding as the ideal opportunity to do it so you'd really have to stick to your guns about the issue if you chose not to invite them!

[ivykaty44]

it will not be a wake up call for the parents of the dc that don't behave.

But at least the dc will not be there to ruin the day.

[DesperatelySeekingSedatives]

See that's all stuff that could have been easily prevented/immediately stopped if BOTH parents stepped up to the plate. Not just mum. She sounds pathetic due to her reasons for not dealing with their bad behaviour, but as she gets no back up from their dad she's got an uphill struggle anyway.

Sometimes you have to wonder why certain people bother to have kids at all