Too much time in playpen for toddler?

[lexiss]

This morning DS 17 months woke up at 6am. I got up bf him and put him in the playpen. It is one of those extra large, hexagonal playpens.

Around 6.15 I gave him some water and changed his nappy. Then I went back to bed after making sure the playpen had only safe toys and the baby monitor was plugged in.

I fell asleep and woke up at 8.30. I went out to see DS and he was happily playing with this toys. He is very into small manipulative puzzles, shape boxes, stacking cups etc at the moment and he was busy playing with these.

He had been in the playpen for nearly 2.5 hours! Is this too long? Is there a problem that he plays happliy for this length of time by himself?

Most days I have a nap during the day for an hour or so and DS spends this time in the playpen but I have never left him for 2.5 hours before.

What do you think about this?

It is absolutely about the OP.

I referred to my mother to demonstrate an awareness of how a CP case will establish neglect. TBH I don't have any idea of individual cases except those that made the local press. I just know that my Mother used to feel incredibly frustrated about it all at times and that was due to the inefficiencies of it all.

"I really dislike the way research into the effects of trauma and neglect have been co-opted by those who want to peddle their own version of what is proper parenting."

^^ This.

I have to read a fair bit of actual attachment research in the course of my MA. The bollocks that gets spouted by proponents of mummy-must-always-be-there-and-have-no-life-of-her-own in the name of attachment theory seriously grates my cheese.

Bowlby and Ainsworth were doing the original attachment research at a time when babies were routinely left to cry it out, left outside for hours in their prams, and generally expected to fit in with their parents. Reading contemporary 'attachment' bollocks you'd think this would produce 100% insecure attachment in those babies; but no, the majority of the children in Ainsworth's original 60s and 70s studies were coded as having a secure attachment. Which suggests that secure attachment might even be compatible with not cosleeping or using a sling, with leaving your child alone, with CC or even CIO

Mrs DeVere is absolutely right. Frothing about how trivial matters such as a couple of hours playing alone constitute 'neglect' traduces attachment studies and minimises the appalling levels of actual neglect some children have to endure.

Is this thread still going? Sheesh....

Goldenbear - "You seem to think I care that you work for SS, I don't."

Erm no. That wasn't actually directed to you in particular. I used a new paragraph denoting a change of point, which in this case was to a more general one directed at everyone. That's the point of a paragraph - I would think you'd know this being allegedly so well educated.

You are ridiculously self-absorbed - not everything is about you or aimed at you, although, granted "batshit crazy" was and here you are proving it's validity again - so I was right, hurrah!

"Personally, i couldnt continue to see my DN be treated badly."

Ah you assume so much! We were living overseas, I didn't see anything. We moved back - guess who made the next and subsequent referrals? Yup. ME. So I didn't continue to see her being treated badly.

And if your mother was sitting on CP boards then she was as responsible as the others for the "dreadful" decisions made. If she couldn't get her point across to influence these decisions then she was either lacking in eloquence or evidence to support her convictions. It would appear that she too thought that she knew better than a room full of other professionals as CP decisions are made by a group of professionals who each have a say.....

Lacking eloquence and evidence, and thinks she knows it all....? Hmmm like mother like daughter then!

You purport to be well educated but misunderstand clear sentences, get defensive and rude when challenged and are unable to evidence your ridiculous assertions. IMO you are becoming ridiculous and may want to cut and run please instead of making yourself look more foolish.

You say you are a "grown woman" - then stop acting like you are a stroppy, ill informed teenager.

And your mother talked to you about Child Protection conferences....?

There is a section in the procedures that clearly states that NOTHING discussed in conference is to be discussed with anyone outside of the process. This is read to conference at the outset every single time. Your mother breached that.

That is appalling and hugely unprofessional. Those families are not "interesting" points of discussion - they are PEOPLE. And they have a right not to be chatted about by you and your mother.

I hate the idea of cc, however, I have friends who have used it and it has been suggested to me as a technique to try with my dd1 and ds by a couple of health visitors and a paediatrician (I explained that it was not something we were willing to do), it is a method, not one I'm keen on, but I don't think hcp would be allowed to suggest it, if it was bordering on neglect!

The children of friends who have done cc are, as a mixed bag of clingy and confident, because....well, they are all different children. In the same way my dd1 is and always has been clingy, and even now (she is 6) struggles with going into class and going to parties on her own, she is very similar to my dh. Dd2 (5) on the other hand runs into class without a second glance and will play with anyone, and Ds (2.4) has chronic separation anxiety. He won't be left with anyone but dh and I, it is exhausting. As I say I have never done controlled crying, and when ds gets up at 4.30/5ish, I or dh will get up with him (admittedly we usually put on a dvd and snuggle on the sofa with ds) not out of any sense of martyrdom, but because we have to.

I just take umbrage at someone implying that cc, or leaving a child to play on his own for a couple of hours could lead to delayed development or being socially awkward. It is just not that simple.I hate the idea that someone may think that ds has no speech, because I didn't talk to him, or that he needed to be shown how to play with toys because of a lack of interaction.

Great post OtheYule.

Coola, you don't sound very cool. If you read my points properly you'll see that my mother explained the practical workings of a CP board and how neglect is decided upon. At no point did she ever talk about specific cases. One situation was made public in the press because of the dreadful outcome. I was therefore able to read about it, is that ok with you?

I don't purport, I am well educated.

Didn't they have phones where you lived overseas? You didn't think to ask after the situation, particularly after what had happened? Fairly apathetic approach isn't it?

You are being pretty hypocritical in talking about unprofessionalism when you're demonstrating just that in talking about your DN's case to back your argument up?

Those of you who think OP is BU, what do you do when you move your toddler from a cot to a bed? (we are about to, and I believe I reliably wake up when DS cries but do often wake up to find him happily chatting to himself in his cot and have no idea how long he has been awake for). It doesn't seem too different to me.

corinthian maybe keep his door open and put a safety gate on, or close his door and put a safety gate on top of
Stairs!? My dd is back in cot but for
The time she was in a bed we did the latter :)

mrsdevere we can shut our doors with the gates on it doesn't affect them but love the idea of cuttin the doors down the middle! Very simple
Cost effect way!! Bet they look great too!

I couldn't shut my kitchen door with one of those Lindam pressure gate thingys. My ds used to fling himself over them at about 18months so pretty useless IMO,

Exactly what MrsDeVere said - I was not professionally involved in any aspect of my DN's case - totally different LA, therefore I can talk about it all I like. Even if it was the same LA I would not be allowed to be involved for what you would think, but clearly not in your case are obvious reasons.

It's called a conflict of interest, and it is a massive no no. I'm surprised you wouldn't realise this, you seem to know so much about everything not.

Yet again you purport to be a well educated woman whilst demonstrating a woeful lack of knowledge.

"Didn't they have phones where you lived overseas? You didn't think to ask after the situation, particularly after what had happened? Fairly apathetic approach isn't it?"

There you go making massive assumptions again. What makes you think I didn't ask after the situation? There was nothing in my post to imply that. Of course I did, and my DN's case was closed after her mother made the necessary improvements. Unfortunately, as is often the case, she returned to her previous behaviours - and, as I said, I made the next referral - if I wasn't asking after the situation how on earth could I have known things had regressed?

Do tell me what is apathetic about reporting someone to Social Services as it's actually the opposite, it's proactive.

Every single post you make results in you looking more idiotic. You managed to make two accusatory statements to me in your last post - and you were wrong in both of them.

"Well educated" really is a relative term....

MrsDeVere - LOVING the idea of cutting the door in half.

We have the Lindam ones and in our last house we could shut the doors, in this one we can't and it's irritating.

Corinthian - DD is coming up to going into a bed, we're going to put a gate on her door. She does have a tendency to climb though so we're getting the Lindam dog gate. Exactly the same as the baby ones but a foot or so taller and a little bit more expensive, but not hugely so. It will be too tall for her to be able to grab the top, so no escape route .

That is actually an idea that I would probably use when I have a house of y own

It is hugely ironic that you're outraged at People's lives been talked about as interesting points of discussion (even though you've made that up) and yet here you are on a public forum discussing your DN's sorry situation. That seems really distasteful tbh!

mrs, well the suggestions couldn't have been any worse than what was actually done - which was nothing. Presumbly lots of inept, apathetic officials procrastinating over the details and missing the bigger picture. TBH I find it a bit in poor taste to use the example to mock others with.

As far as Education is concerned you either have one or you don't there is nothing relative about it - now that is an idiotic statement.