x mas present for dc been ruined by friend wwyd

[wonderingsoul]

not sure what to do about this. but couple of weeks ago i had been in town with a friend. she is a lovely friend. i had brought to presents for my dc. coming to £30. which may not sound alot but it is to me and her. i hadnt noticed the time so had to speed of to get kids from school.

she kindly offered to take them back to hers so they wouldnt see the bags and see whats inside. and said shed bring them with her when she came to mine later that night when the kids where asleep.

she forgot and has forgotton the other times. iv offered to go up hers a few times but shes been at work or out.
but as it is her kids have got hold of them and are slightly dirty (their two talking tomes. 2 for 30 in argos) and used basically.

my delimea is now.. i want the money to buy new ones. or it to be replaced. but shes has big money troubles.. so do i

a- just replace them myself and wait for the money instalments .. though i dont really have the money to replace them along with the other stuff i have to get.

b- just forget about them for christmas and get th emoney in the new year.

part of me feels bad wanting to ask her becasue i know her money troubles but then the other part of me feels like my children shouldnt miss out of the presents i brought becasue of it.

That's appalling- her DC have prob played with them till the novelty has worn off. I'd ask for them back and for payment for new ones. If you get the money you can sell the used ones and give her the money. If not give the used ones to your kids in Jan when it's a bit bleak anyway.

I suppose she was tryinng to do you a favour by taking the toys back to her house and it all went wrong!
If she hasn't got the £30 then you won't get it back whether you fall out over it or not.I think to have a friend there when you needed her is worth more than money.
I would be pissed off though!!

How about asking for a smaller amount of cash. I can't believe she didn't know her DC were playing with them unless she is blind and deaf. If she gave you £10 it would probably make you less pissed off and you could use the money to buy another 'new and still boxed' present for your DC.

I think what your friend has done is just terrible, I would be mortified if my DC did this. You would have specked her to clean them up at least.

In our house Santa doesn't wrap the main presents, he leaves them unwrapped for the wow factor, what about the box idea and wrapping a big ribbon around them each?

I've bought my lt second hand stuff before and will do again this year and they do not give one jot if it's wrapped or not.

It isnt fair that her children have had the pleasure of the presents which were for your dc.I'm afraid I would insist that she keeps them and gives you the money now.She shouldn't have let her dc be able to get at them.She should be offering to pay!
Only read page one so far!

The fact that she knows what it's like to be short of cash and have to budget for presents makes it worse IMO. I don't know why you should be so worried about her financial situation when it's plain she doesn't give a stuff about yours!

I wouldn't condemn if she were my friend. I'd feel upset and angry, but more at circumstances than at her personally.

I don't think you should stop being friends over this. Maybe over a whole slew of other things, if you choose, but not over this single incident.

I wouldn't trust her with my stuff again, but I wouldn't want to lose a whole friendship over this single incident, either.

Sounds like you are both stuck between rocks & hard places.

I am still not sure if her DCs miraculously managed to avoid opening their presents?

I'd be gutted. I have nothing against used stuff and we get loads from eBay/charity but Xmas pressies are always new here (that's not a judgement on others' choices, just saying I understand why it's really taken the shine off it - literally!)

I am very very scatty but if I'm looking after something for somebody else I am super careful.

The fact that she knows what it's like to be short of cash and have to budget for presents makes it worse IMO
I agree.

If she had any inkling that the kids or 18 year old would get their mits on the gifts, she should have put them somewhere away and out of reach. Instead she chose to leave them in an accessible location.

My own kids would never rifle through bags or open a new box without asking first.

I agree it shows little consideration for you and your family and your financial situation.

Glad you got them back OP. I would still be appalled that she had the gall to look shame faced but hand over toys covered in breakfast cereal without even the attempt of cleaning it up. The boxes had presumably been damaged beyond repair? And your friend put batteries in and turned a blind eye to the children playing with toys that she was 100% aware were not theirs? Regardless of chaos at home I ALWAYS know what my DD is up to and what she is playing with as she is light fingered around the house likes to rummage... she needs to apologise profusely and at least offer a token payment towards them as she has drastically reduced their value if you were to try and sell them say, on eBay. Her children and whether directly or indirectly, your friend have done a thoughtless thing and barely showed remorse. She wouldn't be me friend for long...

I know someone who takes all her child's packaging off the presents, elves make toys not boxes and plastic. Could the elves of made them if your children even notice? I would be a bit peeved but you say she is a good friend, something's are just better let go for the sake of the friendship, she is probably feeling bad about it

Sorry, I had 2 threads open and posted on the wrong one

The way i see it, she took £30 of brand new toys from you and returned £5 of grubby second hand tat.

Isn't that stealing?

Lots of ways to salvage the presents but no way to salvage that piss-poor excuse for a friendship

The way I see it- the kids could have got hold of the boxed toys and ripped them open somehow without her knowing. You could put that down as unfortunate, but not the end of the world.

At the point of discovering this any of us would have been mortified, taken them off our DCs, done our best to make sure they weren't damaged, and either offered to buy new ones for you, or at the very least apologised profusely.

The fact is she continued to allow her DCs to play with them, to the point of getting breakfast cereal on, then handed them back to you, under duress, without even bothering to wipe them. It is that part of it that would make me angry.

I have no problem with second hand toys, I've bought stuff off eBay before, but the OP bought new and now they are used. Everyone is right, in that the kids won't be bothered, but it would leave a very sour taste in my mouth that a "friend" would be so disrespectful. She obviously has problems that run much deeper, by the sound of it.

I agree with everyone about your friend being totally out of order

But as you've decided to keep the toys (and I think you sound like such a lovely person, I hope your 'friend' realises how lucky she is) the box with shavings is a great idea but also something I do for my little ones to make it more exciting is to get a big box and fill it with blown up balloons and the present in the middle, they love it and it's cheap!

Well OP, you are a better woman than me, i'm not sure i would have been so understanding.
If you saved and budgeted for a few months to enable you to buy new, then new is what you should have. I wouldn't settle for any less TBH.

I would also be mortified if any of my Dc's had done that and i would have been down on my knees apologising and offering replacements even if i couldn't afford it.

The fact that she did neither of these and the fact she didn't even attempt to clean the toys before returning, Speaks volumes. She doesn't respect other people and has no regard for others belongings.

I am afraid i would use this week to seriously rethink your friendship with her.

she's a cow.

does she smoke? as it's a month until christmas and surely - i do know what it's like to be broke - she can find £30 for new ones. and if she has to go without something, fags, booze etc TOUGH

OP - you sound like a lovely,compassionate person. Your DC are lucky to have you as a mum and I think that is worth more than any amount of presents.

You and your friend both sound under a lot of financial pressure and, as the mother of 2 DSs now aged 20 and 13 I just want to let you know your children will enjoy Christmas despite this unhappy episode. They will be oblivious.

I would just say to be careful that you are not being taken advantage of by your friend. Her circumstances do not exclude her from saying sorry and making amends.

Have a lovely Christmas!

For me its not so much that her children got their hands on them (though that would still make me cross) its how she has acted about it since... it shows complete lack of respect for you.

I think she delayed giving them back to you because she knew what state they were in.

Perhaps unbox any other presents too before wrapping them up so it takes the attention away from them?

You sound lovely and I hope you and your children have a lovely xmas.

My friend did this to me on a bigger scale. She house sat for me for eighteen months and clearly is not the housewife i am. Friendship is all but wrecked. Its really hurtful when something that means the world to you is treated with so little respect. Think you need to deal head on or else bad feeling will fester. Re presents, kids wont notice, trust me, but if it really upsets ypu, just go back to argos. Yes it might seem unethical but as they are part of workfare think its fair do's!

Could you make a little cat bed for them & have them in a really big box under the tree? She is completely unreasonable to not try to clean up the cereal off them,I assume she is there when they eat?!

Go back to Argos, Fergus?? Do you really think Argos will exchange perfectly functioning toys that have however unfortunately been opened and played with (and covered in crap)?
Yes, it is unethical, and op wouldn't have a hope in hell of persuading the shop that that's the condition they were bought in, even if she was low enough to do it.

I know it's too late now, but I saw some Talking Toms in TK Maxx the other day for £12.99.

I am shocked she didn't even attempt to clean them up, and if you DO see your children playing with something that they're not supposed to, your first instinct would be to get them out of their hands ASAP. How long were those toys left so they got weetabix and shit on them? Your friend is not a friend. Glad you're giving her a wide berth.