x mas present for dc been ruined by friend wwyd

[wonderingsoul]

not sure what to do about this. but couple of weeks ago i had been in town with a friend. she is a lovely friend. i had brought to presents for my dc. coming to £30. which may not sound alot but it is to me and her. i hadnt noticed the time so had to speed of to get kids from school.

she kindly offered to take them back to hers so they wouldnt see the bags and see whats inside. and said shed bring them with her when she came to mine later that night when the kids where asleep.

she forgot and has forgotton the other times. iv offered to go up hers a few times but shes been at work or out.
but as it is her kids have got hold of them and are slightly dirty (their two talking tomes. 2 for 30 in argos) and used basically.


my delimea is now.. i want the money to buy new ones. or it to be replaced. but shes has big money troubles.. so do i

a- just replace them myself and wait for the money instalments .. though i dont really have the money to replace them along with the other stuff i have to get.

b- just forget about them for christmas and get th emoney in the new year.

part of me feels bad wanting to ask her becasue i know her money troubles but then the other part of me feels like my children shouldnt miss out of the presents i brought becasue of it.

[Svrider]

Op I'm at your continual excuses for your friend
She failed to look after your children's things
I'd be carefully considering my friendship tbh
She obviously doesn't give a shit about you or your kids

[BuntyPenfold]

Her nephew lives in the shed!

It doesn't sound a happy situation does it?

I think you may have to put this down to experience and forget the money, unfair though that is.

[wonderingsoul]

i know.. i have been making excuses for her. but i honestly dont dont think she have let happen on purpose. and i know how broke she is. weather she does anything to help her situation or not. i know it'll be coming out the pot thats theri for her kids which will just me feel cruddy.

[wonderingsoul]

he lives ther e on his own accord. hes allowed in the house and does regulary he chooses to for some peace lol.

[BuntyPenfold]

You are a kind friend wonderingsoul

[CSIJanner]

They got hold of them, got them out of the packaging, managed to find and put batteries in and then have been playing with them long enough to get their breakfast on them in front of her.

£30 - invoice her. Or as I said before, request she returns her Polly pockets and pay for new and give the pre loved talking friends to her own children as they enjoyed them so much.

Or better still, if the 18year old opened them for the children, he should pay. But I get a feeling that you'll probably have a snowflakes chance in hell from him. Wonder if he has any nectar points as Argos accept them as currency

The bottom line is that if it was me, I would be furious at the expectation that my children be placed second when hers haven't respected the cardinal Christmas rule of don't look and don't open because you never know if they're for another child or not, and from their ages, they should know better. Even my 4yearold respects the fact there's a pile of toys waiting to be wrapped. She'll ask if they're for her, but she'll wait. it's just a shame for yourself and your children

[LIZS]

I think you will have to bin this "friend" . Ultimately she is responsible for what happened, actively or through negligence. No way could both children have got hold of them and taken out of box without either her or nephew's assistance or turning a blind eye. She didn't even make the effort to clean up the damage , that is how little respect she has. You started off saying you want money for replacements , now you waiver. Her kids and finances are not your problem. Make it clear what you expect and see whether she makes any effort to do so.

[wewereherefirst]

No offer to reimburse them?! You're being taken for a mug. She's certainly poor in respect for you. Id find new friends if I were you, she's not a good friend regardless of the excuses you've made.

[flow4]

I think you sound kind and thoughtful and caring and sensible, wondering. :)

[RooneyMara]

Oh no this is awful. I don't know about your children but mine would have noticed at age 7.

You're letting them down by letting her off.

I'm sorry I know how hard it is and I am glad you told her how upset you are about it.

I'd be avoiding her totally unless she comes back to you with some form of apology and gives you something towards replacing them.

Honestly with friends like her who needs enemies...turn it around...would you have behaved like she has?

[wonderingsoul]

i know at the start i was raging. but iv clamed down, esp after ranting.

your possibaly right about ditching her, we have been friends for 10 years plus. iv told her i want some space from her and shall she how she reacts over the week and if she actually trys to make mends if not..well it has hit hoome after people pointing out how little respect it shows. if not i shall think about putting some distance between us.
theve come up good though and thats the main thing.

[MurderOfGoths]

"one was ok. the other had some wheatbix/ready breck on the back of his head but iv been able to clean them up."

Did she not attempt to clean them?

[Floggingmolly]

She handed them back covered in breakfast cereal. . Unbelievable that she hadn't the grace to salvage what she could.
Why are you still so concerned about the impact on her kids, op? You're being a complete martyr, she obviously couldn't give a shiney shite about yours.
She may have looked "shamed", but she gave them back covered in fucking porridge...

[RooneyMara]

The fact she didn't even bother to clean them is just appalling.

I'm glad you can see that.

[wonderingsoul]

i dont think im being a martyr.. well i dont mean to be. had they been toattaly unusable i would have asked for the money. but as they are i feel its the better option.

[RooneyMara]

I presume they just ditched the boxes?

Honestly I can see you're making allowances as their life is chaotic - it isn't always black and white. I know that.

But it's out of order. You can't risk it happening again, that;s why you need to stop the 'friendship' to prevent a repeat of this sort of thing in the future - and if that means she loses a friend then that's what happens to people who abuse other people's possessions, or gifts for their children.

[wonderingsoul]

rooneymara
you got it spot on. her life is chaotic. so much so that makes me anxiouse when she tells me about her troubles. it isnt black and white at all.

[ChippingInLovesAutumn]

wonderingsoul - it is good that you are able to take a calm approach to this (now), the toys are fine, the kids will love them, if the 7 year old notices he wont really care - he'll be more interested in the toy. Problem solved.

As for your friendship - it's hard to say (tbh she doesn't sound like the kind of person I'd be friends with in the first place), you have been friends for a long time, when you have fallen out in the past - what sort of things did you fall out about? Is this just a continuation of that? Do her good points outweigh her bad points or the other way around? Is she one of those people who are crap with 'stuff' but are always there if you need them? I have one friend who is like that, she's absolutely careless with stuff (hers, mine, everyones) and things tend to revolve around her BUT I know, that without a doubt if I asked her to do something important for me that if it was within her power to do it, she would - without hesitation, so the small day to day things don't matter to me. But you need to look at your friendship and see if it's good for you or not.

[RooneyMara]

Yes I can see that.

The thing is - you can't let it hurt you, or your own kids iyswim?

This has affected your own children and made you upset too.

That means it's gone too far. You need to put measures in place to prevent it happening again - distance is a good one.
You sound like a nice friend but sometimes you have to step back and make sure that the person isn't making your life chaotic too.

[wonderingsoul]

her good points do out weigh the bad. but if im brutelly honest we have grown apaprt in alot of ways. the major falling out we had ages back was due to her doing something i really didnt agree with and told her. but she was there when i needed there. she would help me out if i was to ask her.

i dont always agree with the stuff she does. and had i just met her we prob wouldnt be friends. but theres alot of history there. just we seem to have "grown up" differently, but the bad doesnt normally effect me or mine.shes not a nasty person just has alot on and copes the best she can if that makies sence.

[mirry2]

Do you know what? You sound like a lovely, caring friend, but sometimes you have to put yourself and your children first.

[Northernlurker]

Nothing to say about the 'friend' that hasn't been said tbh. I think you are being very sweet about this. Looking at the articles in question - if you get a couple of plainish cardboard boxes - or cover some from the supermarket with paper - then fill it with paper shavings - you can get some from card shops etc in nice colours - then sit the cats in each box. That makes it even more of a present than getting it in the packaging iyswim.

[wonderingsoul]

northernlurker

i love that idea!! i shall do that this week.

[AnAirOfHopeForSnow]

:( Who lets their kids open and play with other childrens christmas gifts?

Just :( for you and your children.

[AnAirOfHopeForSnow]

I like Northners idea too.