Prefer to be beautiful to having brains?

[charlmarascoxo]

I was asked - would you rather be beautiful and have below average intelligence or would be rather be clever and be dull looking/plain jane.

I went with beauty.

It seems to me that in society having beauty is quite highly valued and life is perhaps easier because you are more accepted. Most people however chose brains over beauty. So perhaps I am in the minority?

Aw daddy that's luffly.

Captain, not all men, of course.

My husband married me for my brains and personality but it was my arse that initially caught his attention and continues to hold it.

Given a choice of only having one, would men naturally choose brains over looks?

I was married to someone who said I was pretty....and nice

I have never been beautiful, I have been told, pretty nice hilarious and funny, so rounding that up I'm pretty nice-ish and sometimes hilarious and a bit funny....

Last night someone said 'I hope you don't mind but I think you are gorgeous and lovely' I answered that with ' looks can be deceiving I am average and I'm faulty'.

Strange man must need his eyes checked or maybe he is another saddo looking for a quick jump.

Hmm, I think a lot of men say they want brains but actually they mean 'someone who isn't quite as bright as I am'.

I would. If a relationship has the merest hope in hell of surviving past the initial stage, the partners have to enjoy similar intelligence levels so they don't just get bored and find someone else.

Every long term relationship of mine was with someone who i could hold a decent conversation with.

The ones who I discovered didn't have a lot going on upstairs didn't last beyond a week or a night.

My dw is beautiful and intelligent and we've been together for over 10 years and we discuss the wonders of the universe, medical advancement and literature, and I still burn with passion for her.

Captain, would you be with your dw if she wasn't beautiful?

Yes I believe I would. She's easily the most wonderful person I've ever met. I am so hugely lucky that I found her and didn't scare her off with my drunken ranting when we met

Let me put it this way. If I was blind I wouldn't know what she looked like, but I'd still know that I love her and that I never want to let her go.

Captain, I think it is different if you were blind, because then you would not have a point of reference looks-wise.

But I will accept the rest of what you said. I wonder whether if your dw were dog-ugly, you would have taken the time to get to know her better to the point that she is now a keeper.

**

I was convinced until he said they've been together 10 years (we're 25yrs)
and DH could not type that fast!

I think really really good looking men are looking for really really good looking women. However, normal average men and less fortunately looking men deal with real women, and are looking for a person they sync with, in whatever area is most important to them - be it brains, humour, a common religion, or sports team, whatever.

I have to say that DH was drawn to me because of my conversation and sense of humour, the fact that I have a great rack was a plus

I was convinced too until he mentioned the universe stuff

blueshoes yes, you got it - it's that those guys you mention aren't super intelligent. Having seen the types among my peers at Oxbridge that were attracted to the city and are now among the brightest and best in business, they were not in the genius league at all, but were clever, creative and very very driven.

The people I knew that were super super bright are now an artist, two teachers, a writer, two SAHMs, an academic that hasn't had a stellar career and is still "just" a lecturer at 45. None of them has excelled. They have all been hobbled by their own brilliance. It is actually quite paralyzing to have to have so much potential.

Brains...lasts longer.

wildstrawberry, that is interesting. Agree about these people being very driven!

This could be taking the discussion in a slightly different direction but perfectionism (perhaps like super intelligence you describe) cripples success. To be successful in a senior management role in professional services, you need the ability to delegate, build teams and create the headspace to think strategically, leaving the grunt work to others. That requires a personality that can say, this is good enough, I will have to let go and let others get on with it, rather than try to control all aspects of the work product.

The ability to leave it and not be bothered by things not being perfect is quite important to getting ahead IMO. Same to not thinking things through too much, I suppose. A confidence/blindness that I know enough and then stop there.

Yes, that makes a lot of sense, blueshoes.

No one has said that you cannot be beautiful and clever.

I was just thinking about my in laws actually, my mother in law has a timeless beauty, my father in law was very clever, he is now struggling with dementia and struggles to hold a conversation. So her beauty lasted but his intellect didn't.

I think you can be initially attracted physically to someone but after than it is often brains, personality or charisma that keeps you together. I knew my husband before as a friend, I don't think looks mattered to either of us one bit.

I think that neither of them guarantees a good life.

Many beautiful women are very unhappy in awful relationships, many brainy women lack social skills or dont make the most of their brains because they luck confidence.

Imo best to have social skills, flexible way of thinking, adapt in situations, confidence, self-awareness.

And those who say that good looks help you to make money and they open doors to you hmm yes but if you are stupid you can lose the money as quickly as you made them and shut those doors yourself.
You still need brains.

I know a woman who is very attractive in a kind of 30's film glamour kind of way, in fact I would say she's beautiful. However her personality lacks charm and depth, she's quite haughty and cold in fact. She's sweet when you get to know her, but you only catch rare glimpses of this; she's impossible to get to know because she seems to be either made of glass, or stone - or both!

Unfortunately for her, her beauty is not so apparent once you realise this, because she lacks warmth, and a lot of what she speaks seems to be hot air, therefore I don't think she's as intelligent as she likes to think she is. She and her dh are v wealthy and I think that this combined with her looks gives her an easy ride in a social sense - people want to be their friends, and fawn over them a bit.

I know I sound catty, but you can say things like this about other people on an anonymous forum - I wouldn't run her down like this to anyone in RL!

I realised that I contradicted myself in the first para - what I meant was that you catch glimpses of her probably being quite a sweet person underneath the haughtiness but she doesn't seem to want to get close to anyone.

I am unpretty and unclever.

Binks, I disagree. If you don't use your brains they'll fade, but if you do then intelligence continues. My mum's was completely intact (IQ 145) until she was 84. Perhaps she'd dropped a point or two, but it was not noticeable. My grandmother was the same, and so was my dad.