To wonder what the fuck is going on?

[namechanger11111]

I've got to be quick because not so dp is coming over soon.

We've in the last few weeks got back together after splitting for a few months. It's not been 100% great and we might have rushed things a bit. He was seeing someone else but broke it off for us to get back together.

He hurt me a lot during getting back together by putting her feelings before mine.

Anyway I've just logged into his yahoo inbox and there are several video calls between the 2 of them from after we got back together. I'm shaking and I feel sick that he's done this. I want to talk to her but I don't want him knowing.

He's also just come back from a weekend away he was supposed to take his son on but ended up going alone so he says.

I want to talk to her and find out the truth before I confront him because he'll fill me full of bullshit as usual.

He lost his phone the other day and freaked out that i'd taken it and it never leaves his side.

Stay strong OP. As an old friend once told me "Women do not fight over men. Eggs are rare, sperm is plentiful. Women should be choosing the man they want, not the other way around." And I'm all for equality between sexes, but biologically speaking, this is the truth. Females are wired to choose the best father for their offspring and the best supporter for the family; males are wired to spread their genes far and wide via many women. Socially this has obviously changed over the years but the biology is the same and some men haven't advanced beyond those basics.

Anyway I digress. He's playing you both for mugs here, just be thankful you saw through it and got out before it got worse. Do NOT take him back under any circumstances. He will lie to get what he wants if it suits him. Enjoy your weekend away and use it to dig a bit into your own feelings and find out why you don't feel you deserve better than some cheating twat. There are many other great men out there, don't let this one tie you down, emotionally or otherwise.

Why do you want to be with this awful cheat? He will never change!

Thanks for all the support, it's really helping me.

He did come over after yesterday despite me asking him not to. He thinks i'm being silly and need to calm down and think of the kids and Christmas.

I asked if he was willing to cease all contact with her and he looked really sad and started going on about how hard it will be! I told him not to bother.

I don't think he got the message though because he keeps trying to hug and kiss me. I think he thinks i'll calm down and we'll get back to normal soon enough.

I'm displaying a tough exterior but inside i'm quaking. I'm wondering what happened to the girl who would never in a million years put up with being treated like this. I've told a few more people today and everyone is stunned that I would put up with it. I think I need a lot of therapy before I go near another man.

It was so hard not to just crack earlier. I need to be strong on the outside at least.

He sounds like an awful, awful tosser to be honest. Please stay strong and don't let him back in.

Just keep thinking, it will get easier with time. You have withstood him once, you can do it again. He's not a god.

Get rid OP.You don't need someone else's sloppy seconds. Please keep your dignity and don't ask him to cut contact with the OW. He might, but it will only be for a week or a month or so, so he will hook up with someone else. Really, I would rather be alone than stand for any of this. You are worth more than this.

Don't ask again. It is either over, or it will continue on his terms. You only get one life.

Thank you. I'm not asking him again, I've made my mind up even if he hasn't.

Think i'm going to have to spell it out clearly to him that it's over because he hasn't got it yet.

I can't go back like you say even if he says he's going to cease contact doesn't mean he will. I'd never be able to trust him and i'm not putting myself through this again.

It's so hard but i'm feeling a lot better already than I did Saturday. I was frantic at the thought of him not choosing me but now I know i'm worth more.

Well done for not cracking. Every time you have to do this (until he finally gets the message) will get easier. One step at a time.

Big up yourself OP. You are choosing yourself this time, if that makes any sense.

That makes perfect sense Bobbly.

My car wouldn't start this morning, I ended up paying £11 for a taxi to take Ds to school! The school's only 2 miles away but the only way to get there is down a very busy 60mph road with no footpaths so there was no way I was walking with him.

This has meant I've had to ask ex to have a look at my car. He said see even though you hate me i'm still prepared to help you. It's just sods law this has happened now because he'll expect me to be very grateful.

I've just had a massive order come in with an almost impossible deadline and added to that my landlord wants to do an inspection tomorrow! So it's fair to say i'm stressed to the max now but at least it'll take my mind off ex hopefully.

He will always be in your life because of the kids but the hardest bit has been done; you chose you. Now when you see him just keep up that resolve and you will find someone that blows him out of the water. And when he tells you about the new woman he's seeing (because he will to try and make you jealous) feel pity for her not jealousy as leopards don't change their spots and he'll mess her around too. No one doubts it'll be hard but remember that you'll never be able to trust him and as long as that's at the forefront of your mind when you think you might cave, you should keep strong.

I thought I'd update this thread.

Things had been just ticking along, ex and I were actually getting on quite well. Although I had to keep reminding him that we weren't together and that he couldn't kiss/grope me.

By Thursday I'd realised that I really didn't want to be with him anymore and I wasn't sad at all just happy I'd got out and looking forward to the future. For months now I've had a sick/panicky/sad feeling every time I thought of him. I noticed that I was anticipating the bad feeling but it didn't happen anymore.

Ex must have felt me withdraw I think because suddenly he wants us to get back together. Thursday he asked if we could go for counselling but I said no because I didn't want to be with him it was pointless. He then spent over an hour ranting at me telling me I would die sad and lonely like my Mum because I couldn't treat people like I do! He kept going on and on about how everything was my fault and how dare I try and bully him into giving up his friend (OW). I said I had the right to decide I didn't want to be with him just like he has the right to decide to be in contact with OW.

He was vile and nasty and in the end I agreed to counselling just to shut him up and get rid of him. This isn't booked until 17th Jan so a lot can happen in that time.

If he thinks so little of me why would he want to be with me I just don't understand?

He was texting me all day yesterday saying he wants us back together but we need help. I said I didn't want to be with him now and I was pretty sure I wouldn't again. Then he asked if we could still have sex!

Apparently he's met another woman. I said please just go and be with her but no he wants to be with me.

After all this he still won't cease contact with the OW and i'm so unreasonable for trying to make him give up his friend.

I'm going to stay strong I don't want to be with him and i'm not sad anymore that it's over. i'm not letting him bully me into being with him so he can walk all over me and treat me like shit.

He sounds like a real wanker.
Say NO to him, you don't need an arse like that in your life. He will continue to cheat and have his cake and eat it always.
I'd cut all contact, let him see the kids (but have a friend/relative there when he picks them up). Say NO to counselling as he will think he's onto a winner and you'll feel obliged to give it anther go.
Leopards like that don't change their spots EVER.
Grr, I'm on your behalf

He's a manipulative bully and has suddenly realised he may have lost his power over you. Don't go to the counselling unless you actually think he is going to change, and as he has said he won't give up his friend it's not very likely is it?

My ex husband played this game (with a bit of dv thrown in) and suddenly felt we should have counselling when he realised I had left for good. I refused, he went along on his own, lol, and was told he had issues (could have told him that myself!!).

I now have an amazing man who is mostly perfect (will not talk about dirty laundry on floor, obsession with collecting crap, sorry, "antiques"). And you will get one too if you cut loose from this leech who thinks he is entitled to have his cake and eat it!

He doesn't want to be with you.

He just doesn't want you to not want to be with him.

He likes you begging and pleading for him. Asking him to choose.

Well done for deciding you aren't going to live like that.

Cancel the counselling and tell him you will not take responsibility for his behaviour. If he cared about you he would happily give up other woman.

He is panicking because he hasn't been the one to make the decisions. Tell him you are better off apart and you will not be changing your mind. Also try to limit contact with him so he doesn't have the opportunity to harrass you like this.

You are doing brilliantly, son't let him claw his way back in

He's. still not getting the message and thinks we're going to be ok.

He actually said we'll be ok I'm starting to forgive you.! I'd like to know what i need forgiving for but i can't be bothered to start that conversation.

My feelings haven't changed and I'm still being strong. He's alluded to something happening with the other new woman but i couldn't case less.

I'm not sad anymore I'm looking forward to the future and I'm so glad i found some inner strength to walk away.

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply it's helped so much.

That's brilliant news namechanger!! Stay strong, you owe it to yourself and your dc. I'm so pleased you're looking to the future and not sad anymore.

You sound so positive namechanger. You can see a good future for yourself without him. You and your DC deserve that, always remember that.

@ him!!!!

It's good you are writing this down so you can see clearly what an absolute cock he is. Forgive you? He's hilarious!

You'll find someone fantastic one day, if you choose to. That's what's scaring him. His huge ego can't take it. He's so insecure one woman isn't enough.

Have a ball over Christmas. I hope you meet someone to have fun with get laid.

I'm gobsmacked by his absolute cheek! And suggesting something has happened with this OW is hardly going to make you want him either.

OP, well done for being so strong. One day you'll find someone who deserves you.

He sounds UNBELIEVABLY self centred! Well done OP - don't let him grind you down. You deserve much better.

Sounds like YOU should go on a date a get him to babysit!

what a complete knob! you are well rid of him!