to bugger off and leave DP with DS over night? -long

[lola88]

not so much AIBU but should i?

DP seriously thinks maternity leave is a year long holiday and i sit about watch telly and drinking cups of tea all day. DS still doesn't sleep through the night at 10mo but i quote 'it's not like you have anything to do in the day' so it doesn't matter that i'm constantly shattered because i'll obviously just be sitting around all day and can sleep when i want. Obviously this is bull i hardly sit down these days.

So last night i stayed with my mum as i had the downstairs carpets cleaned and it's not practical keeping a crawling baby off the floor for 24 hours so DP got a full sleep andd lie in, i got 5 hours sleep and up at 7. Dp went out with his mum at 2 taking DS with him as i said i didn't want to go (came home for some peace) DP has already been on the phone complaining that DS has been screaming his head off because he was woken up from a nap to early rookie error and when he comes home it's my turn.

My mums invited me round to hers tonight as she's having a few friends over and said i should stay to let DP see what it's really like being me (he's never been up in the night then got up in the morning) I had said no as i'm worried that DP won't cope with no sleep and i was away from home last night but after this whining phone call about the baby crying and it being stressful as if i've never had to deal with it i'm thinking about going round to stay at my mums.

DP said i should go tonight when i told him about it last night so he won't object so should i chuck him head first in the deep end and just go out?

"But most people don't have mental health issues are perfectly capable of looking after their children."

And those of us who do have mental health issues are still perfectly capable of looking after our children.

What Bull Peppa! Has your DH received professional help for what is clearly a severe psychological issue? Or have you just been pussyfooting around him for the last few years? Please don't think this is a dig at mental health issues, but you need to see that this reaction was not normal and not an excuse to step back from parenting. You need to be actively seeking help for his condition.
The OP's problem is very different. It is NOT acceptable for a parent to wait 10 months before taking responsibility for a child. Let us know how it went. Be prepared for him to say ds was a complete angel for him though. Happens every time!

I have just laughed loudly at Peppa's post!

It's because of women like you that men have the choice to opt out of parenthood and responsibility.

I don't think Peppa was, how should I phrase this, entirely serious with her posts.

So Lola how did it go? Hope you had a nice lie in! I also have a 10mo and I've not slept more than 3 hours in one go this entire year.

True Yank - I should have said "most people don't have mental health issues like your DH" - ie issues that cause him to have a breakdown after looking after a child for an hour. Plenty of women with PND and many other illnesses look after their children very well.

I, respectfully, disagree waltermittymistletoe.

There is a lot of that attitude around, really.

Am totally serious and obviously my parenting ideas are different to you lot on here. Seriously I thought my views were of the norm because out of my group of girlfriends about 12 of us we never have and would never even think of leaving a baby with their dad overnight if the dad wasn't happy with it. I am happy doing it my way and considering feelings if my partner. We are a very happy family and we enjoy doing things as a family but I am the primary carer and my dh looks after us I other ways'

Well, then I am very sad for you peppa and your friends. Making your children your sole responsibility is not good for you, them or you husband.

I truly hope you never have to be in hospital for anything as your children will have to be looked after by someone and your husband will be less than useless.

peppa...I imagine you living in a special enclave of the UK where silly things like feminism and suchlike have not yet reached

in fact, I am amazed you have broadband...let's hope you catch on to the rest of reality very soon

This is pathetic. I bet the op didn't go.

Why do people put up with this shit from the man child they reproduce with?

Luckily Peppa, none of my friends were daft enough to have a baby with someone who wasn't willing to do some childcare!

Well then I hope to God that there are only 13 women in the UK with that attitude. Your 12 friends and you.

SHS

Peppa - genuine question - do those men that you're talking about stay in every night? Or do they go out and leave the mothers to look after the children? What if the mothers don't want to look after the children over night on their own? Do the men just say "Of course I won't go out until you're happy with it"? Because I would agree, if both partners wait until each are ready before leaving the other on their own then that's fair and considerate. But I'm guessing these men are perfectly happen to leave the women on their own all night and for weekends regardless of how hard the women find it. Am I right?

perfectly happy

Well good for you peppa.

You might enjoy being a martyr but ill carry on as is thanks.

Come on OP, how did it go!? I'm really hoping you didn't get home to find your DH curled up in a ball crying in the corner of a room!!

I'm waiting for an update as well, would love to know how it went!

Also finding all this 'men just can't cope, the poor dears' extremely patronising to men in general! My DH will be stay at home dad in a month, just as DS is 10 months old! It's a nonsense to suggest that men by nature are any different when it comes to learning how to deal with their kids. It's hard for everyone sometimes, a grown up will deal with it.

peppa. I am the primary carer because my dh works full time and I don't. I breast fed for 1 year, so it was hard to leave dcs with dh as he can't breast feed. But I still managed to leave them with him on many occasions, whether while I nipped to the shops, or (once i wasn't breastfeeding) for days while I did other things. But he was also involved with them, bed times etc. he was basically thier Dad.

When my youngest was 1.5, we were emergency evacuated from where we were living for medical reasons. It was me and dd2. Dh and ds and dd1 had to stay put. He was suddenly catapulted into full time carer for 1 month. He just did it, no problems, he just worked it out. A few months later, I was in hospital with dd2 for a week, again, he had no choice.

What would you do if one of your was in hospital?

nightowl, you post reminded me, dd1 did her promise at Brownies alondside her friend.

Stood around afterwards with friend's Dad discussing sewing on badges (his tip - use superglue, as they are a nightmare to sew) then we looked at each other and laughed, he said I can't believe I have just had a conversation about the best way to sew on badges!! he has been SAHD since Sept.

www.scoutshops.com/acatalog/scouting-badges.html

Another thought Peppa

Does your DH work and you SAHM? What is the arrangement? What would happen if your DH lost his job and you had to work FT? My husband found himself out of a job with no notice on Tuesday when the parent company folded, so we are both looking for work. Childcare costs mean that we have to work opposite shifts if we can, or whoever can get a job first will work FT and the other will be the SAHP until DD is old enough atleast for her free nursery hours. How would this work in your house, if out of financial necessity, you had to work and he couldnt?

this is a genuine question, I am not having a go. I am just a little concerned, along with others on here, that you are not aware of the pitfalls in your plan that you are the primary care giver and he doesnt have to worry about such things until "he is ready". Sometimes life happens before we are ready, trust me on this!

There should be a scout badge for child care, seriously!