to bugger off and leave DP with DS over night? -long

[lola88]

not so much AIBU but should i?

DP seriously thinks maternity leave is a year long holiday and i sit about watch telly and drinking cups of tea all day. DS still doesn't sleep through the night at 10mo but i quote 'it's not like you have anything to do in the day' so it doesn't matter that i'm constantly shattered because i'll obviously just be sitting around all day and can sleep when i want. Obviously this is bull i hardly sit down these days.

So last night i stayed with my mum as i had the downstairs carpets cleaned and it's not practical keeping a crawling baby off the floor for 24 hours so DP got a full sleep andd lie in, i got 5 hours sleep and up at 7. Dp went out with his mum at 2 taking DS with him as i said i didn't want to go (came home for some peace) DP has already been on the phone complaining that DS has been screaming his head off because he was woken up from a nap to early rookie error and when he comes home it's my turn.

My mums invited me round to hers tonight as she's having a few friends over and said i should stay to let DP see what it's really like being me (he's never been up in the night then got up in the morning) I had said no as i'm worried that DP won't cope with no sleep and i was away from home last night but after this whining phone call about the baby crying and it being stressful as if i've never had to deal with it i'm thinking about going round to stay at my mums.

DP said i should go tonight when i told him about it last night so he won't object so should i chuck him head first in the deep end and just go out?

[AnyFucker]

that's not a seasonal name, Illage !

An IllageVidiot is for life, not just for xmas !

[BlingLoving]

I think Peppa's situation sounds a bit strange but even giving her the benefit of doh t and that her dh has genuine issues, the op's situation is not the same. Her dh thinks she sits around all day because apparently looking after a baby is easy. But he then can't do it himself?! Peppa: if your dh genuinely has problems, I hope he isn't then Dismissive of what you do for your dc.

[AnyFucker]

tee, I have a mini-pash on you too

it seems women just get on with it...and those in possession of a penis can't cope

feminism people...it's not just for feminists !

[TeeHollyandTeeIvy]

Strange? Her situation is fucking tragic.

I hope you never get ill yourself Peppa, because your kids will be in big big trouble.

[TeeHollyandTeeIvy]

So true, AF. So true. Although my husband is quite good at 'just getting on with it' a lot of the time. Not all the time, but a good portion of the time!

It's part of why I married him.

I also married him to save on ladders (he's 6'2" to my 5'2") and because he knows computer coding languages I don't.

[SamSmalaidh]

It's ok Peppa, the OP's DP is not so severely mentally unwell that he cannot cope with simple, everyday tasks

[AnyFucker]

tee, I cast no aspersions on your particular husband

[Uppermid]

Peppa, don't get me wrong I think there is some truth in what you say, but what happens if its the woman who can't cope? Is she let of purely because of gender? Is she hell.

What would happen if the op were to become ill, or was in an accident? He'd have to do it then wouldn't he.

He hasn't said he's too sacred to look after his son, he's said that its easy and questioned why his partner is so tired, well time for him to find out.

[EasilyBored]

If someone can't cope with a small baby for 1 hour, I would presume they had Niger issues.

I also assume that these parents who can't cope on their own for a few hours somehow manage to look after themselves and get to work on time etc? If that is the case, they are clearly capable of parenting a small.child, alone, for a short period of time.

[EasilyBored]

Bigger issues.

[YankTeeDoodleDanTee]

You certainly did not, AF and I apologize for making it seem like you did.

[AnyFucker]

too sacred to look after a child

a great typo if I ever I saw one

I know tee...but my head is spinning now with your tee names

[YankTeeDoodleDanTee]

Sorry. Things going on on another thread!!

I'm still just Tee.

[AnyFucker]

tee hee

[OpheliaPayneAgain]

Blimey - my DH was far better with babies/toddlers than I ever was - any excuse and I was off like a shot leaving him with them. Cant stand that whole mewling/puking stage - far prefer children when they are interesting.

So peppa not all men have the heebiejeebies when faced with a small person. And not all women are mother earth either.

[StuntGirl]

Peppa your husband's problems clearly stem from something bigger, as he quite clearly already had very severe depression/anxiety to have had such a severe reaction in such a short amount of time. That event was simply a trigger for a problem that already existed. Your husband is more than capable of looking after his own children, if he has thr support from his family (including YOU) to do so.

OP I hope you're enjoying your night out!

[IllageVidiot]

AF - Snort, sadly true I am the lifelong IllageVidiot...I may put bells on for Christmas, but it's still November so not yet. I'm warming up to it. I had to resist the urge to pop an inflatable Santa last week. Because I am mean I wanted to, because the kids were watching I didn't, minor redemption.

Ha, I did wonder about Niger issues...river phobia causes child panic?!

Tee - you are fab. I quite frequently had a cry, but I married a man that is an excellent parent. I'm the tall one though, he's little - I would say fun sized but he starts inappropriate penis jokes if he catches me saying it!

[waltermittymistletoe]

You came home and found him crying in a heap on the floor because he had the baby. For an hour.

Yeah, ok.

[YankTeeDoodleDanTee]

Thanks Illage. Do I know you under another name?

Snek at fun size and penis jokes!

[AnyFucker]

I like Fun Size Mars bars

Except I eat 6 of 'em in one sitting

it kinda defeats the object

[whatsforyou]

peppa
What if you die, or get really ill and can't cope. What if one day you get depressed and end up crying on the floor because you can't cope with your own children? Will your husband just phone social services and ask someone to take them away because he can't deal with them?

I'm not trying to belittle your husband's mental health issues which he clearly has but trying to compare your situation to the op's is nonsense. Her partner has never taken responsibility for his own child yet feels able to comment on her ability to cope.
He needs a good dose of reality, pack your bags op,
and don't dare go back before lunchtime!

[Bogeyface]

As I said before, my husband, and my ex for that matter, both take great pride in the parenting skills. I am the primary carer but in many ways they are far better than me as they both have more patience and more understanding. I wouldnt settle for anything less than a man who was capable and willing because, as has been mentioned, I need to know that if something happens to me then they are in safe hands. I couldn't bear the thought that if I died or was incapacitated in some way, that they weren't taken care of properly.

That and the fact that nothing is a bigger turn off than a manchild who a) cant cope with and b) is jealous of his own child!

[steppemum]

'he has only known the baby for 10 months'

sorry but this really made me laugh.

The day we took our first dc home, we had known him for 5 minutes, but we were now responsible for everything for him, for ever.

so if I went squeamish and said 'Oh I don't think I can manage' then who looks after the baby?

Not all men can cope with small babies???? Not all new mothers know what to do either, but no-one says never mind you just leave it all to me, don't worry your little head about it, I'll look after the baby for you. You just have to do it as a parent, you learn, and cope, and keep going.

[steppemum]

and i learnt really early on, butt out and let dh have his own relationship with his kids, he won't do it my way but his way, and there is no law to say my way os right.

[CailinDana]

Peppa - so a woman has to look after a baby from day one but a man has to have at least ten months (if not more) to get used to it? Really?

Are you seriously suggesting a woman has to just look after the children constantly for fear their useless "father" won't cope?

Your DH has severe mental health issues. That's hard for him, and for you. But most people don't have mental health issues are perfectly capable of looking after their children. To suggest that the OP should never leave the house because her partner is a man is extremely weird. What if her partner were a woman?