to bugger off and leave DP with DS over night? -long

[lola88]

not so much AIBU but should i?

DP seriously thinks maternity leave is a year long holiday and i sit about watch telly and drinking cups of tea all day. DS still doesn't sleep through the night at 10mo but i quote 'it's not like you have anything to do in the day' so it doesn't matter that i'm constantly shattered because i'll obviously just be sitting around all day and can sleep when i want. Obviously this is bull i hardly sit down these days.

So last night i stayed with my mum as i had the downstairs carpets cleaned and it's not practical keeping a crawling baby off the floor for 24 hours so DP got a full sleep andd lie in, i got 5 hours sleep and up at 7. Dp went out with his mum at 2 taking DS with him as i said i didn't want to go (came home for some peace) DP has already been on the phone complaining that DS has been screaming his head off because he was woken up from a nap to early rookie error and when he comes home it's my turn.

My mums invited me round to hers tonight as she's having a few friends over and said i should stay to let DP see what it's really like being me (he's never been up in the night then got up in the morning) I had said no as i'm worried that DP won't cope with no sleep and i was away from home last night but after this whining phone call about the baby crying and it being stressful as if i've never had to deal with it i'm thinking about going round to stay at my mums.

DP said i should go tonight when i told him about it last night so he won't object so should i chuck him head first in the deep end and just go out?

Do not fall for any of it

Go to your Mums, make plans for tomorrow etc and tell him that next time he even hints at ML being a pisstake then you will book a holiday with your Mum, of at least a week, and you will fire him as your DH if you come home to a mess.

it's funny how peppa warns of marriage breakdown because us bolshy women expect our partners to step up and be a man

her situation is a cliche for the male partner to feel pushed out by the children, so he fucks other women to feel like a man again

beware what judgements you make, peppa

Peppajay is a man. Fact.

you are probably right, chip

a man from a MRA site

"for the male partner to feel pushed out by the children, so he fucks other women to feel like a man again" Ouch but true. My ExH couldn't cope I always looked after the kids etc and he had an affair and left me, he also said he was jealous of the kids and felt pushed out I could have almost written Peppa's post 5 years ago.

I wish I'd done Lola's idea tbh. Have a great time

sorry for the "ouch" factor, Don'tStep

AF

To be fair he was a twat. If you remember the thread under my old name.

Where's Peppa gone?

I do remember it, Dontstep

and yes, he was a twat

LOL

Believe me I wish he could and would do more but he mentally cannot cope, he has tried to do more but he reached breakdown point 2 yrs ago whilst he looked after my son who was about 14 mths at the time for an hour. I came home and found my DS strapped in the highchair and my DH crying in a heap on the floor. He had told me time and time again that he wasnt comfortable being in sole charge of a baby and I hadnt listened. He actually suffered from depression after this incident because he felt he had failed as a dad and was on anti depressants for almost 2 yrs, but there are issues from his childhood and the way he was brought up that make him react like this. He is still having counselling and we are getting there.

My kids are 5 and 4 now and will look after them seperately for a day but not together and often puts them to bed as I play netball twice a week. We go out loads as a family and my DD the 5 yr old dotes on him and they have a lovely relationship. It took me time to realise that not every man can be superdad instantly it takes time and my DH has come so far since his breakdown 3 yrs ago and I hope that soon he will feel able to do more. The next step is for to have both kids all day and I reckon soon he will but it is not for me to make this decison when he feels ready when he feels ready he will do it. He doesnt want to be like this, when we are out as a family and we see dads out with their kids he gets so angry that why can't he do that!!

The OP's partner is a new dad and he has only known his baby for 10 months, he probably feels scared if something happens what will he do, how will be stop the crying etc!! Sometimes instead of slagging these men off women do need to take a step back and think 'actually these men are struggling as well'!!Like my dad once said after my DH's breaksown, 30 yrs ago this never happened because men were never left in charge of the children and to some men FATHERHOOD needs to be learnt as it doesn't come naturally to them.

A bit of give and take and taking other peoples feelings into account never hurt anyone!!

I think if a PERSON has mental health issues that's slightly different - it's not to do with your husband being male though peppa

peppa..do you think women never have these fears that they cannot cope ?

you are making excuses for the fact he has a penis

and tbh, if I came home after an hour to find my H crying on the floor because he had to look after a defenceless baby I would run a fucking mile

I would not be micro-managing a grown adult in the care of his children, i would be cutting him loose and going it alone

I have enough children to care for in my life, without taking on a supersize one

Your husband did not have a mental breakdown and go on antids for 2 years because he was left in charge of a 14 month old for an hour and you're a fool for believing this.

He was well on the way to the breakdown long before you left him with your child.

And yes, I am stating this as fact.

No it wasn't the only factor but definitely contributed to it!!! Like I say he is doing so much better now and enjoying being a dad and perhaps this is how the OP's partner feels. All I am saying is she should take her partners feelings into consideration!

So peppa what happens if a woman feels like crying in a heap after an hour looking after a 14 month year old?

Oh yeah loads of us have felt like that but we have to 'man up' (the irony) and cope because there is no-one who is about to come home and relieve us because we 'can't cope'.

I agree with tee. Clearly there are other issues and its ridiculous comparing him with other husbands.

What about her feelings? What about her having a break?

It's only one cocking night. Jeeeeeeze.

I love you AF.

I don't even care that you don't love me back!

IllageVidiot...I might love you if I knew who you were

that's a great name though

TeeHollyandTeeIvy - also getting a girl crush on you. Fact.

Peppa - I don't know what kind of excuses you've had to give yourself to be able to cope with your situation but your viewpoint is warped and your reasoning skewed. So is your experience of mental illness. As related here anyway.

Shh I'm in seasonal hiding AF! But I was a regular on Relationships for a while. Before I started prodding AIBU like a tooth cavity - it's painful but you just can't stop yourself.

The OP's partner seemed fine by text when she said she was going to her Mum's. It wasn't an issue I really think there is no comparison with your H Peppa

It's no use, I still agree with AF, especially her last post. I'm sounding Sycophantic now

I keep drawing parallels with Peppa's H. My ExH still cannot cope with looking after both kids on his own for long and they're 3 & 5. AF is so right, two children is hard enough, I did feel like I had 3. I admire you Peppa, as these days I'm grateful I'm alone.

MOTHERHOOD also often needs to be learnt and doesn't always come naturally either.

What would happen peppa if god forbid you got ill and needed hospitalising, or worse!

FFS I am a depressive and borderline agoraphobic. You know what? I keep coping with my 3 year old anyway. I've been a heap on the floor many many times.

You know what I do? I cry, I get over it, I get up and I keep going.

Because that's what a parent does. Fuck gender.

Aww, you're sweet IllageVidiot. I like your name also.