to use a disabled toilet if I've got the buggy?

[MrsHelsBels74]

Pretty much as the thread title says, if you're out in public & need to loo but can't fit the buggy into a normal cubicle is it acceptable to take the buggy into the disabled toilet? I'd never use a disabled parking space but did this today in desperation. So, is it ok or still a no-no?

Hmm - I find people who work with carers often don't really understand. At least judging by some of the people I've had to tolerate in my house. There's nothing quite like hands on experience to understand.

Saying that pregnancy is nothing like being disabled is fact. It doesn't mean that I'm saying that being 40 weeks pregnant with two younger kids isn't hideous (been there done that - it wasn't fun). But at 40 weeks pregnant I did not need to plan activities in the way a disabled person does, and nor did I need the same support to go about my daily business.

Yes Nebulous, I know that too. Just to be clear, yes I would get off the bus, but my point is that life is difficult for a lot of people and you can hold that view whilst still understanding why the disabled person should have priority.

saintly - the dedicated baby change cubicles at one of my local shopping centres are only accessible with a radar key. Although no toilet for the parents to the baby change cubicles, which baffles me. They have separate radar key disabled toilets.

Not sure how common this is, but if it's the same elsewhere, it may explain some why non-disabled mothers buy a radar key? (although this doesn't excuse them - I agree you shouldn't buy a radar key if you're not disabled)

'Just because one isn't as permanent or difficult as the other, doesn't mean it isn't difficult and we shouldn't try to accommodate them too.'

I agree completely. Sadly most people are egocentric and can only be compassionate and thoughtful of the needs of others if that has no negative impact on themselves.
As soon as there is the slightest downside for them, other people's rights and needs and whatnot are kicked to the sidelines.
The reason we remember random acts of kindness and consideration is their rarity.

'Sometimes people with buggies may genuinely not be able to fold/unfold them. I still have SPD and don't have the strength for unfolding mine, as you need to stand on one leg and push down!'

Ask someone to help you. Use words.

saintly, it can be, yes. But another example: I used to work in a tower block, and when I was pregnant I had to have a Personal Emergency Evacuation Plan, setting out how I would need to leave the building if required. Essentially I was allowed to use the lift, rather than walk down 17 floors worth of stairs. Because even though I could have done so if I absolute had to, my employer recognised that it was sensible to make some allowances for the fact that pregnant women can have reduced mobility (this was shortly after 9/11, when I think anyone working in tall buildings reviewed their contingency plans).

Oh yesterday I took ds1 to a pet shop. Two disabled spaces - one space taken by someone without a blue badge. We crammed into the more awkward to access space, and put up the badge.

While in the shop someone parked blocking us in (presumably avoiding the rain as there were loads of free spaces). Ds1 loves a handbrake so started shouting at the car to move (so he'd see the handbrake go down). I said 'ooh they've parked ds1' the added 'and they seem to have blocked us in'. Two women spun round at that so I smiled and said 'ds1 doesn't really do waiting' which I think they could tell from his behaviour). Anyway one of them ran out and got in the car

Now why shouldn't a disabled person wait to save someone getting wet? Tell that to ds1 as he's hitting himself and my car windows because the car that should be moving isn't. Not strictly relevant but makes the point that something someone else thinks is a minor inconvenience can actually be a bigger pita where disability is involved.

Just because one isn't as permanent or difficult as the other, doesn't mean it isn't difficult and we shouldn't try to accommodate them too.

It has been acknowledged MANY times that using a public toilet and having a baby in a buggy is difficult. It still does not mean a disabled person should be forced to suffer while waiting if there is an alternative for the parent.

Families - you do realise the employers are protecting their arses and having a personal evacuation plan just like a disabled person doesn't give you the same issues don't you?

I have now decided that all my public toileting needs can be served by Costa coffee where there is only one lavatory so no difficult choices to make. Costa will be pleased to be making even more money out of me and I can get out and about without having all this moral dilemma to think about every time I need to go for a wee or change a nappy.

My daughter's class borrowed her wheelchair recently so they all try negotiating obstacles in it. They all said it helped them understand how hard it can be for someone who has to use one every day. It was lovely. They are all very caring and protective towards her.

What a good idea welsh

If the mummies with buggies, using public transport and a need to pee planned every journey thoroughly then they would overcome a lot of the problems that they face.
Including having a buggy that you can fold, and relying on random strangers to help you.
Just like many of those with disabilities have to do.

Yes, of course I do, saintly. And I have said in various posts upthread that I don't equate pregnancy with being disabled. And I'm a leave buggy outside the cubicle / balance the baby on my lap while weeing poster. And I have never ever filled the wheelchair space on the bus with my buggy and refused to move it. And I know how lucky I am not need to need a wheelchair (at the moment), and that where I can bump a buggy down a couple of steps would leave a wheelchair user stuck.

But I also think following an absolutist line of thought that because pregnancy is a choice (though of course it's not for many people...) it follows that a heavily pregnant woman shouldn't be afforded any consideration is ridiculous and unnecessary

I am finding this thread really difficult. I am expecting twins and there is a high chance i am going to end up with a c-section (don't want one but 50% of multiple births are c-section). I am not an anxious person but i am already really nervous about logistics and this thread makes me think "fuck it, i'll just stay at home". I know it's no where near as bad a having a disability, i really don't want to use disabled facilities but i've looked at double buggies and they are big. I don't live near shopping centres or big JL stores. I can see already thatmost places i go to wil be a fucking nightmare. I realise that they are a permanent nightmare for diabled people.

This thread actually has me close to tears. So I will really try not to use disabled facilities but i'm really not sure how i'm going to manage. any twin mums got tips for me to reduce the anxiety, i'd really appecriate it.

I don't think anyone has said that they should be afforded no consideration. Just that if it comes to a wheelchair space, the wheelchair user has priority.

Welsh, DS's school did something similar when a little boy who uses a doodlebug (I think that's what it's called) started, and agree it was a really good idea

'any twin mums got tips for me to reduce the anxiety'

No, but what a sensible attitude to have. There is probably a section on here for twins, as well as all the baby/toddler sections. There will be thousands of people with ideas that don't involves infringing the rights of others.

Buy a sensible doubly buggy - some are more sensible than others. I measured the width of mine very carefully before buying. There's even more choice now.
It's not that hard tbh, especially when they're babies. And if the c section is uncomplicated it doesn't my take that long to get back on your feet. Once you are then you can sling one and single buggy one (I also used to sling one and double buggy two post c- section- not straight away obviously). Sling one single buggy one is easier than doubly buggying on public transport IMO.

Free I had twins. Emergency section at 33 weeks. I managed just fine. Check out where has decent loos before hand and plan your trips around that. It's what we did.

welsh when i was about 14? we did an activity at school over the course if a few days where we were put in pairs, one person was 'given' a disability, the other was to be their carer/helper. the fisabilities varied from special ear defenders that made you deaf, to blindfold, crutches, wherlchairs etc. anywsy i think.it was done in.conjunction with some charities and it was good and certainly made us stop and think!

also there was a boy at school in a wheelxhair, he had a special one that had three wheels in a triangle at the front and the back, so where yoi.would get one big wheel.it had three small ines, anyway this wheelchair could wuth these special little wheels climb stairs. it was slow tho.but a clever piece of kit. the stairs at school had a line markef on them and pupils were told that bit had to be kept clear so it was always free for the boy and his chair. afyer the activity days involving disability, the bit on the stairs was always clear.

Agree that one baby in sling and one in a single buggy is much easier!! tho i dont have twin i have a small age gap between DC1 & 2, plus DC1 has SNs so a buggy was need for much longer!! as the twins get old a buggy board for them to take turns on is a HUGE help!

Also think about how you will use the buggy. I knew I'd rather walk two miles than negotiate public transport so my doubly buggy was a pita to fold, but had proper tyre wheels

Dd and I have waited for buses before and once or twice have had the driver ask buggies to be moved or to get off and wait for the next one. The amount of effing and blinding that we heard before even getting on prompted me to go on the bus, tell the 2 mums that they are welcome to stay put as it was obviously such an issue and my daughter did not need to hear how much of an inconvenience she was!