To say if you don't want to bf then fine but don't lie that you can't

[Lily1986]

A friend is ff her baby son. She tried to bf but gave up after a few days. Privately she told me that she didn't like having to bf and wanted her dh to share the load. To everyone else she is saying that she didn't produce enough milk and is seeking sympathy from others that her body wasn't able to provide for her baby. Really laying it on thick.

I really don't have a problem with how anyone chooses to feed their baby.

AIBU to feel angry at this friend trying to make people feel sorry for her?

Btw. There are NO GUIDELINES that say if you bf your child 'won't get gastro' or will never go to hospital. There is sound science and research based advice that your baby is LESS LIKELY to get a gastro infection, ear infection or spend time in hospital if you bf.

I hope to god people are intelligent enough to know the difference. Seriously.

Where tosh-my kids were weaned on 100% organic food with probably 10 portions of fruit and veg a day-they sure aint eating like that now at 9,9 and 8.They dip and flow re food like the maj or healthy eaters.At Xmas,Halloween and bday they eat shite-then we go back to our pretty much veggie,cooked from scratch diet with sweets on a Friday.

Perspective perleeeeeease!!!!

you do know it's marathon not a sprint don't you?

My point is, it's ridiculously hypocritical of some Mothers to bang on about breast being best, if they're going to then allow that child to become obese by the time it starts school...just like 1 in 5 UK children are.

And on the same subject, it's also equally hypocritical of Mothers to bang on about not understanding why women would choose not to 'give their baby the best start in life'...if that Mother chose to conceive when she was overweight - just like so many women do.

Putting your baby at risk in the womb and at possible risk of future health problems in that way, isn't something I personally understand but there you go.

We can all point the finger at other Mothers and claim to 'not understand' their choices but unless we've made utterly perfect choices that never put babies at risk, what's the point?

WhatsTheBuzz - you sound rather sensible. Perhaps you could try a little harder to understand. If I explained why I did not breastfeed, you would understand. Perhaps try to understand that everyone has their reasons ...

YABU. You just cannot win with feeding babies, I bottle fed my first three and got comments about not breastfeeding. I breastfed the last two babies and have had comments about feeding in public and feeding toddlers.
I also have the joy of people actually asking if I loved my last two more so breastfed them (seriously )

wheresmespecs about BF babies being healthier, that is crap quite frankly. The only friend of mine who BF her two for a year, well her two have permanently got colds and infections. The health thing is about genes, contact with others and environment, not milk choices.

Where it's widely acknowledged that kids in daycare get more bugs (and ear infections)sooooooooo by your logic no daycare.As parents we weigh up and make choices re what suits us as family.Nobody does everything the ideal way research tells us to.It is an 18 year marathon-some things you tick the current research boxes on,some you don't.Soooooo not worth getting stressed about.

Off to take my kids swimming(I get to tick the keeping my kids fit and healthy box today,not sure I will tomorrow)but hang on a minute they may get an ear infection(swimming pools are breeding grounds for infections).

Think I'll take the risk-have been going swimming weekly since they were 3 and never picked one up.

ah, marvellous. Someone knows 2 bf babies who are unhealthy. So there are no health benefits to bf-ing and it's all crap.

God, I hate it when people blind me with science.

There are plenty of breast fed babies and children who are unhealthy for goodness sake.

YABU, there is a huuuge pressure to breastfeed. Some mums just don't like it and i think that's fine.

specs - I think that a lot of why BF babies are statistically healthier is actually do with their environment. We know that BF is more prevalent amongst middle-class, older mums, who are less likely to smoke/drink during pregnancy and afterwards.

See this is what happens, it always descends into indignant remarks when many of us are just saying, do what works, FF or BF, all mothers/babies are different. To make sweeping statements that BF is best, with no solid evidence is what pisses everyone off.

Until what age are they 'statistically healthier'?

Whats - so you think a mother should BF even if it is detrimental to her mental health??

I have two, ds2 has asthma and ds3 eczema. We have quite a lot of eczema in the family though, it doesn't seem to make a difference how they are fed.

Well ds1 dsis and dn don't have it and were formula fed but I think it's just luck of the draw sometimes.

Well everyone knows the science by now and the stats and facts.

Then as individuals they make up their mind to do what they prefer with their body and their baby.

A recent thread on here was about someone comparing her birth as harder than someone else's.

Dear God... Will people just mind their own business and stop comparing their parenting choices.

Op your friend is most probably trying to fend off criticism of her choice to ff and that's just so so sad.

But breastfeeding is best and there is lots of solid evidence to prove it

Posters who are saying 'I know a BF baby who is always ill" are just pointing out that BF doesn't automatically make a healthy child. I'm sure they also know FF and mixed fed babies who get ill too!

Your friend probably doesn't want everyone else's opinion heaped on her as it would be if she just stated outright "I don't want to". I empathize - I felt similarly with my first. This time I plan on just shrugging and changing the topic.

People are busy-bodies on MN and in RL.

That is one sweeping statement outraged and was not true for my son. Accept it may not be true for everyone. Simple. Learn some compassion and understanding of others' choices.

Yanbu I have a friend who always likes to tell me how women that can breast feed have it so much easier, no washing bottles etc. She tried for two days before deciding she couldn't bf because she 'was only producing yellow gunk' ...erm colostrum maybe!?
I think some people can't be bothered to tough it out at the becoming but very unlikely that they can't actuly bf.

of course there are bf babies who are 'unhealthy'.

But they are LESS likely to be so than ff babies. Can we understand that? It's the same problem here as 'oh, I was told bf babies NEVER get ill and here's one with a cold so that just proves it is all shite.'

Look here - www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/why-breastfeed.aspx

You got problems with that, you take it up with the nhs, ok? Lovely. oh, and of course there are other factors - lots of them - affecting infant health. That doesn't negate the benefits of bf-ing.

Outraged - yes BF is best, when mother is happy, baby is able to latch, mother can produce enough milk, etc etc etc.

Not when mother doesn't want to BF, baby can't latch, baby is allergic to own mother's milk (I know one baby who is), BF makes the mum go loopy etc etc etc.

OK I'm back... I haven't been lurking, posted this morning and as this is my first MN post I really didn't expect many responses. I log on and find 210! Oops!

I really wasn't trying to spark another bf / ff debate. It was always about the lying.

I'm going to be accused of dripfeeding I know but... my friend's ds is nearly 6 months now so this is not an emotional mother with a newborn. I feel angry towards her because of how she affects other mutual friends who have struggled like hell with sore nipples, mastitis, babies that don't sleep just to continue breastfeeding. One of these mutual friends has switched to ff after 4 months because it had become too draining for her. She is gutted that she could not stick it out and feels sad and selfish for giving up (when she tried so hard). My other friend then sits back watching and says how much she wanted to bf but couldn't. This means sympathy for her and criticism for the one who admitted the truth.

I just wish people were honest.

thursday - do you think your friend was actually told about colostrum? Sounds like BF hadn't really been explained to her.