To say if you don't want to bf then fine but don't lie that you can't

[Lily1986]

A friend is ff her baby son. She tried to bf but gave up after a few days. Privately she told me that she didn't like having to bf and wanted her dh to share the load. To everyone else she is saying that she didn't produce enough milk and is seeking sympathy from others that her body wasn't able to provide for her baby. Really laying it on thick.

I really don't have a problem with how anyone chooses to feed their baby.

AIBU to feel angry at this friend trying to make people feel sorry for her?

For all the posters saying 'what does it matter if the baby is happy, healthy and loved' - well, of course.

But breast fed babies are statistically likelier to be SIGNIFICANTLY HEALTHIER than ff babies.

Or coming at it from the other angle, ff babies are more likely to suffer from various kinds of ill health (gastro entiritis, ear infection etc) and more likely to have to go to hospital than bf babies.

There is of course no way of knowing how your individual baby will fare. And the baby's health is one of a number of factors influencing how women feed their babies. And you might have had the healthiest ever totally ff baby, or know someone who does - doesn't alter the facts.

When people say 'happy mummy, happy baby' I think - yes - and knowing i was doing the best I could for my baby's health contributed to my happiness. Btw, had I found bf-ing horrendous rather than just bloody hard, or had i faced a sleep induced breakdown, I would have weighed these factors up against the benefits to my baby's health, and would probably have ff'd.

What women who feel bad about ff ing seem to want to be told is 'there's no difference. ff and bf are just as good as each other.' Sorry, but that isn't true no matter how much someone might wish it was. HOWEVER - it is true that there are many factors involved in bf-ing, and different people experience different circumstances AND will attach different values to the same set of risks and benefits. So a mother might well choose to feed their baby in a way which doesn't prioritise their nutritional or immune system needs, but DOES prioritise something else which is very important - more important - to THEM.

That's not hard to understand!

Is she generally very entitled or is this a one-off ?

But breast fed babies are statistically likelier to be SIGNIFICANTLY HEALTHIER than ff babies and the rest of that smug post is probably why the woman in the OP said what she did

pink me too, ds3 was prem and 4lb 4. He would not latch and became distressed and tired whenever we tried, which didn't help as he was then too tired to feed.

We fed him from a cup for the first week then I expressed and bottle fed. It was the most miserable, tiring time I've ever had.

Me too moo - prem babies find it very hard to latch on ime - my ds was 3lbs 9oz and my boob was bigger than his head

Wow, what a lovely friend you are. Take this judgey pants off, they're pulled up so high you could use them as dental floss. Is her baby happy? Healthy? Well cared for? If this is all you have to worry about in life I'd like to swap places with you please.

All I read in that ridiculously smug post is - blah blah formula is the work of the devil, blah blah I suffered so much but powered on through for the sake of my pfb, blah blah statistics statistics statistics.

I bf all 6 of my children, 2 died, 3 have asthma and one is perfectly healthy. Go and stick those odds in your statistical pipe and smoke it.

Parenthood is one long guilt trip anyway why the hell are people trying to make others feel bad for their perfectly safe and legal choices.

missy
Sorry for your losses.

Valium yes my boobs are huge anyway, poor little thing was probably frightened!

I dont know why I stressed about it and made myself so miserable. Ds1 was ff from the begining and has no health problems.

Sorry, but facts are not 'smug'. Getting angry and abusive and imagining malice and whatever else because you don't want something to be true is just silly.

as i have said (several times but lordy, people just read what they want to, don't they) -

There are many factors that go into the decision to feed our baby one way or another (and a few women are unlucky enough not to have any choice). These will vary from one individual to another - and what is very important to one mother will be less important to another. I think people need to take that into account rather than rushing to judge - or trying to distort facts to justify a choice they obviously are not happy or confident
about.

wheremy
How accurate is your comment about significantly healthier? Doesn't that only apply to babies that are exclusively breastfed for 6 months with no substitute feeds. Has there been a follow up to show how long the effect lasted once breastfeeding ended?

Ditto Unusual, I did too. After DS taking over my body and shoving my organs out of the way for 9 months, no was was I letting him at my tits

But breast fed babies are statistically likelier to be SIGNIFICANTLY HEALTHIER than ff babies

That completely depends upon the live they lead after they've finished breast feeding.

If they're fed nothing but shit, not encouraged to exercise etc...they'll end up as just another childhood obesity (and possibly adult obesity) statistic.

Considering more than one third of children in the UK are either obese or overweight.

Here we go again - ff vs bf. Why can people not accept that what is right for one is not necessarily right for another and mind their own business. Why do we as mums criticise other mums when we should be supporting one another.

I don't understand why a person wouldn't breastfeed if they were able to when we're all advised that 'breast is best', etc. Supposedly it reduces various risks. Formula is hardly poison but why would you decide to use it exclusively because you simply don't feel like bfing? Surely when you decide to have a baby, his/her needs come first? I don't believe this makes me judgemental, it's an opinion based on advice that seems to have been around for years. If a woman told me she didn't fancy bfing, I wouldn't say any of this but I'd think it!

at clipped

wheresmy why do you care, it doesn't affect your baby so why would you be even remotely interested in others choices.

Quoting facts at people who arnt interested, haven't asked and have made their choice just seems odd to me

Worra

Exactly - BF babies may well be healthier than FF during the period that milk is the sole source of nutrition and that is undoubtly a good thing for the baby.

But if the BF baby lives with smokers and the FF with non-smokers who is healthier then?

Whatsthebuzz - accept that people do not bf for many reasons, not just physical, maybe a young mum who cannot get her head around it, maybe a psychological reason - just because they are physically able does not necessarily mean they are able. We are all different. Accept it and move on.

Also, bf is only one way in which we can ensure our children have a healthy start in life. Are you sure that all your choices would be considered 'the best' by everyone else?

Ds1 is 18 and the same, he didn't even know how he was fed until recently. It was so bloody long ago.

yes snowmummy we are all different and therefore, have different opinions. And no, my choices are probably crap a lot of the time but I think it's sensible to at least attempt something which in most cases is definitely for the best. I accept other people's choices, I just don't necessarily understand them.

wheres I dispute the words significantly healthier. Sorry but if you follow guidelines your baby won't get gastro or have to go to hospital.Re ear problems often they're genetic and viral.I have read one report which says genes,babies in daycare are much more at risk and those who use a dummy(but then you get the SIDS benefit),they also list other risks,ff was a maybe(obviously you couldn't ever directly lay the blame as research would be a nightmare).My kids never had ear infections but were never in daycare-are we saying mothers shouldn't put their kids in daycare for risk of ear infections?I thought not.

My kids are the picture of health ditto my entire family.How they were fed 9 years ago is mere piffle.There are waAAAAAAy more things far more important to worry about re health in babies and children than 6 moths of formula.Think I'll reserve my concern for the serious stuff if you don't mind.

Yes - babies that are breastfed are likely to be healthier while they are getting bf compares to ff babies. Problem?

there have been studies on the longer term benefits - but I am not knowledgeable about them. Perhaps someone else might come along who can help.

The argument that it doesn't matter how you feed your baby during the first months of its life on the grounds that you could, y'know, like totally feed them macdonalds and crisps for the rest of your life is just ridiculous. It always matters what you feed your child.