To say if you don't want to bf then fine but don't lie that you can't

[Lily1986]

A friend is ff her baby son. She tried to bf but gave up after a few days. Privately she told me that she didn't like having to bf and wanted her dh to share the load. To everyone else she is saying that she didn't produce enough milk and is seeking sympathy from others that her body wasn't able to provide for her baby. Really laying it on thick.

I really don't have a problem with how anyone chooses to feed their baby.

AIBU to feel angry at this friend trying to make people feel sorry for her?

I don't understand where all these judgmental anti-ffers ARE.

Hardly anyone breastfeeds, I am always in the minority at baby groups etc (usually a minority of one). The only remotely judgy person I've met was the HV who would know how unlikely it is to not have enough milk. IMO people are always going to ff in greater numbers while it's readily available, because it's more convenient, doesn't hurt or make you have huge tits and you can leave the baby/someone else can feed it.

I've had negative comments about bf but don't know anyone have them the other way, apart from from HV or MW.

Yes my sister lies about breastfeeding every day. She smiles and says to new mothers, do give it a go, why not. When actually she said it felt like having ground glass rubbed into her nipples. She's lying too you know.

OP. Butt out of your friend's world. She's got a new baby and she's trying to deal.

Yabu-it is a shame that your friend feels a need to lie.

When I attempted to bf after dd was born a midwife seeing me struggling advised me to ff without feeling guilty-that was 8 years ago, how times have changed.

I always wondered if a mother has a really rubbish processed food diet should they bf or would the baby be healthier ff. Does anyone know the answer to this question?

YABU - she can tell people what she wants about feeding. TBH, it's really none of anyone's business how she feeds her baby (as long as she's not giving him a vodka and coke).

If this makes it easier for her, then what does it matter. I told my HV that I'd stopped BF when I hadn't, because every time I saw her all she'd talk about was BF. I eventually told her the truth, but as a new mum, the pressure to perform was just too much.

Maybe she feels she didn't produce enough and that it was so horrendous because of this.Feeding a baby who isn't getting enough is a total nightmare.

I produced masses but could never get it into them.Hours of feeding vampire bats was so awful I stopped at 6 weeks.

I know lots of people who don't feed their kids 5 a day(myself included) and give excuses,ditto screen time,not doing hours of extra homework,not ensuring my dc do hours of exercise each week,driving kids to school,letting them eat sweets......

Bf is but one of many parenting ideals,we excuse ourselves publicly and privately for many things.

The day op you do everything perfectly as a parent and never excuse yourself for less than perfect parenting check back in until then wide your neck in.

BF is quite a sensitive subject for me. I think if you want to bf and can then you should.

However I couldn't bf. I had a breast reduction at a young age and therefore will never be able to. I was made to feel like a complete failure as a mother.

Fushia, babies nutritionally speaking and in terms of immune system benefits (which you don't get with formula anyway) would be better bf than ff if the mother was eating a bad diet of highly processed food. Since you ask! diet doesn't have a huge effect on quality of milk at all (well, if you were starving to death it would, but that's not what you asked). Diet of course has a big effect on the mother's health, which affects their whole life.

Thanks for that wheresmespecs so it sounds like the baby would get all the good nutrients, and if the diet is poor the mother's health could possibly be affected.

I'm afraid I don't agree with you Morris. We do the best we can for our children within our ability to do this. If somebody can't breastfeed they can't. But just choosing formula and not even trying is pretty feeble I think. But that is my opinion since I was asked for it. I wouldn't dream of saying anything to a new mother. A midwife told me that the baby's immune system is boosted even by the first two weeks breastfeeding.

All those people who say that mixed feeding affects supply - is it not the case that your body adjusts so that you still make the amount you need for the bf, but doesn't make too much?

Also, anyone know why I produced gallons of milk for my first 3 babies, but had hardly any by the time my dd was 6 weeks old. She hadn't been given formula at all at that point as far as I can recall. There were no health issues for me and i was eating far too well?

sorry, dd was baby number 4

The body is geared up to bf. My DS thrived on bf for 12 weeks when all I ate was yoghurt and bananas. I lost shedloads of weight (but was too depressed to enjoy it, bah) but my breasts merrily produced the stuff anyway. The baby comes first, as far as mother nature goes.

karma - I think mixed feeding effects BF, because baby realises it's easier to drink from a bottle - boobs are harder to drink from, they have to suckle a while before let-down happens etc.

Just my two-pence-worth, have just stopped bf'ing DC2, 15mo, we mix-fed from a few days old (formula bottle at bed time) and I only bf from one side due to problems on the other. Never had a supply problem.

Really wish I had mix-fed DC1. DC2 has been a completely different experience, having had more freedom to hand him over to others when too tired, which has been Godsend given that I have other health issues going on. I cannot recommend mix-feeding enough.

I am still passionate about breastfeeding. I think it's wonderful, it's convenient (no warming up bottles in the middle of the night) and it's free. But mix-feeding was what worked for us, and it saved my sanity, just that little bit of extra freedom and not feeling so much like a milk-cow for my very hungry DS.

I get very sad about mums who don't even give it a go. A relative who gave birth earlier this year didn't even try with her DC2 and the whole thing was about the convenience of handing over the baby to others to look after, although she gave other excuses, blatantly untrue. Very sad, for both of them.

VisualiseaHorse nope, my DS definitely preferred the breast (mix-fed). No question. Breast over bottle every time.

Why is it sad for both of then?

I don't think mine even know how they were fed, they really couldn't care less.

Fair enough Poppy! I do think that the other way is the case for some babies though, and why bottles are not recommended in the first few weeks if you want to establishing BF.

visualise yes I agree, that is why they advise you not to use a bottle for the first few weeks, different sucking action and instant milk which isn't always the case with bf were they need to suckle for a while.

Yabvu. Perhaps she is trying to avoid questions, judgement from others, perhaps she is upset that she found it hard or disliked it. The possible reasons for her choice are endless and none of your business.

YANBU
My SIL did the same, tried for 48 hours decided it wasn't for her as she was too tired. Fair enough. Told the midwife who tried to help her to f off. Phoned me up to ask what formula, bottles etc to get. The story then became one massive "Poor me I couldn't do it and I tried for weeks. Noone helped me- there was no support". It was all a pile of bollocks.

She kept saying "Oh poozlepants was so lucky she could Bf and poor me I couldn't" I felt like throttling her I found bfing really really hard work as ds fed every 3 hours for 6 months. It took a week of hell to get the latch right. It was not the easy option and I'm no militant breastfeeder I had the formula in before the baby was born just in case I couldn't or didn't want to. I used to feel jealous of formula feeders as they seemed to have more of a semblance of a life than I did.
Some people are just attention seekers. My MIL is still going on about hard it was for her and how long she struggled.

I'm with Moomin, how is it sad for FF babies? Surely the most important thing is a happy, healthy and loved baby. Whatever works for the mother, it is nobody else's business. Some of my friends just BF, some only FF, some tried BF didn't get on with it..... What does it matter?

Oh man. Not the sad face brigade.

I don't blame her at all OP - imagine if she told people the truth, she's protecting herself from criticism and I don't blame her at all, or her decision!

pink I had a similar experience.