Indiscretion by head teacher and I am FUMING

[mummiekins]

Regular but namechanged

I recently withdrew my DC from a specific collective worship part of assembly at Primary school. I came to this decision after a discussion with the Head and we were both happy after a pleasant chat.

I have not discussed my reasons with anyone else, simply because it's not a big issue to bother anyone with!

I was asked about my decision from a friend not linked with our school, she had heard it from someone else.... the chain of people 'discussing' me includes my Childminder who is a regular churchgoer.

AIBU to be fuming with anger? What do I do? How do I raise this as a serious complaint because even though it is just 'talk' it proves the Head has been indiscreet.

Not necessarily, kids talk so it may have been noticed by them and they've said something to their parents.

Well the head would have had to tell the teacher wouldn't she/he? And whoever else had to look after the child while they weren't at the collective worship? Or did they just go home?

Errr why has the Head been indiscreet?

Surely it's more likely your child has been made a spectacle of by having to leave the collective worship and the kids have noticed?

Has it occurred to you that the information has come from "someone else's" children and not the Head teacher? Only my ds2 was withdrawn from RE and I know that several of his friends discussed this with their parents who then talked to me about the pros and cons. So it was fairly common knowledge but not something the school staff had revealed.

How do you know it came from the head? There must have been dozens of people who may have spotted your child as absent from the assembly.

How do you know it came from the head?

I assume the other staff see your child leaving? And the other children? A child leaving at that point would likely be noticed. Any of the kids could have said X leaves whenever we do Y. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out why.

Or has something been repeated that you only told the head and so they must have repeated what you said? Your reason been quoted back at you?

If it's that, then you should complain, certainly.

But if it could be that another child has told their parent that your child leaves at a certain point and the parent realised this must mean you've withdrawn them and they told someone who told someone... Then you can't hold the head responsible for that.

Was the headteacher definitely the only person who knew of your decision? Could your DC have mentioned something to your childminder? Either way, it's no-one's business but yours. If the person talking is a member of staff at the school then I think that's unprofessional of them.

How does it prove the head has been indiscreet?

Surely the kids could have told someone. DS2 wouldn't tell me anything like this, but ds3 tells me every detail of every day and would find it very interesting if someone missed part of assembly (and would assume I shared that interest).

What's bothering you the most? That people now know that you've withdrawn your DC from worship or that you've been talked about?

I wouldn't have thought that it's such a confidential issue that the HT is banned from mentioning to anyone. And you don't know in what context she did. It could have been (to another parent), "Oh, we are happy for parents to withdraw their DC if they're not comfortable/of another religion. XYZ'z parents did, and that was fine". Would you have a problem with that?

Are you sure your dc didn/t tell the childminder?

The head teacher is not the only person.

A child may have noticed your dc missing, told their parent, who told their friend etc.

We withdrew our DC from collective worship and everybody knows about it because the other children told their parents.
The school also has special assemblies every week which other parents attend if their children are receiving and award.
My DC go in for this assembly but leave when it is time for the collective worship.
Other parents notice this but all I say is that my DC don't do the assemblies.

Ooh fast
Def Head because the act of withdrawal hasn't occurred yet and my DC doesn't know about it yet!

erm... that you've withdrawn them is public knowledge, they're not there...

unless the head had repeated your reasons or private discussion then i don't think it's anything to worry about.

xposts - well that wasn't clear. yes, i think you should ask the head who they told. but not go in blazing as it may have been that the head told your dc's teacher or something else reasonable and then they were indiscreet.

Head would have told form teacher. Who has no reason to tell anyone else surely?
It's a Christmas thing I have withdrawn from.

In that case (although I would question whether your child knows) speak to the head like a calm adult would.
Ranting will not help and you may end up red faced.

Actually might out me but it is specifically assemblies given by parish vicar I have withdrawn from

Ah. So they haven't started leaving the hall yet?

Would the head have told other members of staff though? In order to prepare for this?

Where is your child going to be while the others are in this assembly?

The head will have to make arrangements. That will require talking to other people. How can you be sure one of them didn't say anything?

Since it is now clear that nobody could have observed this because it hasn't started happening yet, I think you should go in to school and ask the head to investigate how it is that this has become common knowledge and to find out who disclosed this information and say that you feel that it was not that person's place to tell people outside the school and ask what reason the head can think of that people outside the school had the right or need to know.

Head would have told form teacher. Who has no reason to tell anyone else surely?

But you know for fact that the head teacher had reason to?

Nora - I'm reducing the angst on here no intention of yelling at head.
I want to put in a complaint! Calmly!

Surely it will become common knowledge when your DC does not atend the thing.

Hecate has the gist of me....

Unless someone told you that the Head told them, you don't raise it.

It wasn't a secret, it was Assembly.