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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Indiscretion by head teacher and I am FUMING

53 replies

mummiekins · 22/11/2012 13:49

Regular but namechanged

I recently withdrew my DC from a specific collective worship part of assembly at Primary school. I came to this decision after a discussion with the Head and we were both happy after a pleasant chat.

I have not discussed my reasons with anyone else, simply because it's not a big issue to bother anyone with!

I was asked about my decision from a friend not linked with our school, she had heard it from someone else.... the chain of people 'discussing' me includes my Childminder who is a regular churchgoer.

AIBU to be fuming with anger? What do I do? How do I raise this as a serious complaint because even though it is just 'talk' it proves the Head has been indiscreet.

OP posts:
CrikeyOHare · 22/11/2012 14:01

Why do you think that the issue demands such a high level of confidentiality at all? Maybe it was the head, but why can't she tell people - which, presumably, she'll have to to make arrangements for your DC while the others are "worshipping"?

EasilyBored · 22/11/2012 14:01

Right, but if other people find out afterwards that the child did not attend, I imagine the parent could just brush it off as a small thing that is none of their business. Whereas if word gets around now, the OP has to deal with lots and lots of people asking a few times why she is taking the child out etc.

Plus, it's no one elses bloody business, and the head shouldn't have said anything!

SamSmalaidh · 22/11/2012 14:02

None of the school staff should have been gossiping - I would speak to the head about it too.

Woozley · 22/11/2012 14:03

Why do you think that the issue demands such a high level of confidentiality at all?

Because most things to do with children in school do.

redskyatnight · 22/11/2012 14:03

Even if it's an event that hasn't happened yet, are there "parts" to be given out, practices to be done? Because your child would also be excluded from these. DD's school cast the school nativity the other day - DD came home and told me who was what and who hadn't got a part because they weren't going to it.

Original poster
mummiekins · 22/11/2012 14:03

Dione but it was a secret (secret being wrong word).
Why would anyone care enough to talk about it ? I could consider it slanderous (tho that would def BU)

I think word is out and the vicar has been told (don't give two hoots about him) but still....

OP posts:
PolkadotCircus · 22/11/2012 14:03

I'd be livid tbf. Have considered doing this myself and wouldn't be happy if it was gossip.

We have JW kids(I know because they've door stepped us) who must be withdrawn at our school and my kids have never noticed or mentioned it-why would they?ConfusedWhen I had to do this as a teacher I just very quietly gave the child involved a little job to do whilst everybody else went off to assembly.

Original poster
mummiekins · 22/11/2012 14:04

not nativity redsky so not relevant.

OP posts:
Woozley · 22/11/2012 14:04

Also
b Crikey
matters to do with a person's religion are sensitive data according to the Data Protection Act (as far as I can remember).

PolkadotCircus · 22/11/2012 14:06

With best part of 200 kids in a hall I doubt anybody would notice who was or wasn't in there tbh so even if it had started it shouldn't be common knowledge.

A polite word-in writing is what I'd do.

HecatePropylaea · 22/11/2012 14:07

The issue here is 'need to know'. Schools have a duty to operate on a need to know basis.

Does the person they disclose the information to need or have a right to the information?

If the answer is no - the information should not be given.

What the information is, is not even the point.

squeakytoy · 22/11/2012 14:07

you sound very angry and ranty...

Catsdontcare · 22/11/2012 14:07

Ooh I think it was the vicar in the church hall whilst eating women's institute lemon drizzle cake!

DioneTheDiabolist · 22/11/2012 14:07

Xpost.Blush

I would definitely talk to the Head about this. It is not "just talk", a member of staff is gossiping about you. I too would be fuming.

Original poster
mummiekins · 22/11/2012 14:08

I am indeed squeaky Wink

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 22/11/2012 14:09

Are you certain your child hasn't been doing the "I don't have to go to that boring assembly..." to their classmates and now classmates are begging their parents to not let them go?

The Head will have had to tell other people your child is not going

PolkadotCircus · 22/11/2012 14:09

I'll be doing this at Easter as I'm getting fed up with the over zealous torture references. Wouldn't be happy if my kids were being talked about,it will be my decision and things like this should be kept private.

NoraGainesborough · 22/11/2012 14:10

The fact is OP the head will have had to tell some staff. So speak to the head but don't accuse him/her as you don't know it was them.

Secondly people gossip because they do. It amazes me. Some mums told the head at dds school that i ' definitely had terminal cancer' based on the fact that i didn't do the school run anymore (i had gone back to work after mat leave) and some one over heard dd saying had been in hospital. I had, but a year earlier having ds. They didn't listen to the full sentence.
They all heard a bit and next thing is that poor dh is having to do all childcare and work while busting a dying wife and the school trying to organise extra support for us.

How it got that far was ridiculous. But some people love to gossip.

Also there would have been all this when then didn't attend. So at least its all over with now.

Original poster
mummiekins · 22/11/2012 14:11

Pancake - my DC doesn't know that they will be withdrawn yet

OP posts:
Catsdontcare · 22/11/2012 14:11

To be fair the head WILL have spoken to someone about it for whatever reason and now it's become common knowledge. Someone has been indiscreet and I think it's reasonable not to expect people outside school to know your business before your kids do.

I think the head may well be annoyed that this has become common gossip so you should mention it

RooneyMara · 22/11/2012 14:11

I think it's out of order - you may well not have wanted anyone affected to have known, especially the vicar.

It's a potentially really sensitive issue. You need to make an appt with HT and ask gently how the person who addressed you regarding this, has come to know about it.

NoraGainesborough · 22/11/2012 14:16

Would love to know how people would stop people gossiping.

CrikeyOHare · 22/11/2012 14:16

Woozley

"matters to do with a person's religion are sensitive data according to the Data Protection Act (as far as I can remember)"

Oh right. So, when her DC are not present for the worship stuff, anyone who's asked why Johnny & Sally aren't there, the school staff must tap their nose and "That is need to know information only". That won't make people gossip at all Hmm.

And I'm speaking as an atheist who has always withdrawn my DS from worship stuff - even when he went to a CofE school. Who knew? Everyone. And the very few times I was asked why I said, "Because we're not Christians".

Having said that - I do get why you're pissed off, OP. You don't know how & why this information got out. Was it gossipy tittle tattle or was the head passing on information that she needed to to the staff involved. You need to ascertain this before you go in all guns blazing.

CrikeyOHare · 22/11/2012 14:19

You would consider it slanderous?

Well, you could - but you'd be wrong. Slander is when it's not true and, er, this is.

Original poster
mummiekins · 22/11/2012 14:20

Staff needing to know is one thing. Churchgoers under the vicar I have specifically withdrawn from who are not linked to the school at all is quite a different matter.

OP posts: