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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she is being a spoilt brat or should we just go with it

73 replies

slartybartfast · 22/11/2012 08:16

dd (15) is organising for her and two friends to go on a night out, she is paying for this as a xmas treat, it was oriignally one local friend but now another friend Y who is roughly 5.5 miles away now is going too. dd is paying for all.
they will go to big town, 20 miles away.
we, or probably dh, will have to pick up in the evening. and bring home.
the furthest one away wants to be taken home, i say she can stay the night and easily get a bus to school next day, she refuses. she wants to be taken home.
now we will ahve to go 20 miles there -pick up, 20 miles home, but the brat less local girl Y wants anotehr 11 miles added to the journey.

i have suggsted perhaps dd goes with her original plan of just the one friend, or should we cowtow to demands of Y

now i know if she catches the bus at the same time to my dd, going in diffeernt directions, she can get to school on time, so that is not the issue.

she Never stays here, it is always my dd doing the running, as a history.

OP posts:
ifancyashandy · 22/11/2012 08:19

Maybe she's not allowed to stay at others houses but is too embarrassed to say?

NoraGainesborough · 22/11/2012 08:19

There may be a genuine reason she doesn't want to stay.

I would offer to do the journey one way. Either pick her up or drop her off. If she really doesn't want to stay then she can make her own way (or get her parents to drop her) and you drop her off.

Callisto · 22/11/2012 08:20

Maybe she knows that you don't like her and therefore doesn't want to stay at your house? Can't blame her either.

LoopsInHoops · 22/11/2012 08:20

Can her parents do the fetching?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 22/11/2012 08:21

You need to decide whether you are prepared to do it or not, and then stick to it! If you are not willing to do the extra journey then that is fine, the girl then has the option of staying with you, or asking her own parents to pick her up.

You don't have to bow to the demands of a 15yo you know! Just say no, and get your dd to tell her to choose a different option.

Original poster
slartybartfast · 22/11/2012 08:21

her parents dont have a car.
they are all making their way there, i assume, on the bus.
it is just the bringing home,

OP posts:
MrsCantSayAnything · 22/11/2012 08:21

She's been invited now. You can't un-invite her! That would be beyond bad manners.

I can't see why a 15 year old is paying for her mates though.

SantasHugandRollintheSnow · 22/11/2012 08:22

Yabu, 5.5 miles either way in a car isn't far at all, it will take between 10 and 20 mins depending on the road types etc. Why should she have to take her school uniform, books, bag etc out tonight because her address is a slight inconvenience.

I would understand if you asked her parents to pick her up from yours but then again, if you're in the car anyway I don't see the issue. I certainly wouldn't be impressed if you told any of my children they could just catch the bus on their own to school the next day (disclaimer my oldest is only 4 but I can't see me being happy with that when he's 15).

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 22/11/2012 08:22

It's not un inviting her! And even if your dd did invite her, then the invitation was for her to stay at yours. If she wants to decline that offer, she can decline the offer of the whole night.

SantasHugandRollintheSnow · 22/11/2012 08:23

X post with many people!

Aboutlastnight · 22/11/2012 08:23

Why on earth is your DD paying for them to go out?

Can't pal get a minicab home?

notnagging · 22/11/2012 08:23

Why can't her parents pick her up? Personally I'd take her. Your dd organised this with school the next day & not very close. Why is her friend the brat?Hmm

NotaDisneyMum · 22/11/2012 08:24

Goodness! She could be a young carer for a parent or sibling, have a medical problem herself that means overnights elsewhere are tricky, she may have had a bad experience on a sleepover in the past or any number of other things - I hope your DD doesn't pick up your intolerance and reject her too Sad

Original poster
slartybartfast · 22/11/2012 08:24

well it will be 11 miles,

OP posts:
SantasHugandRollintheSnow · 22/11/2012 08:24

Is the local friend sleeping at yours or are you taking her home?

EMS23 · 22/11/2012 08:25

Maybe she wets the bed.
Maybe she's scared of the dark.
Maybe she has self image issues and doesn't want to undress for bed infront of her friends.
Maybe she's a spoilt brat.

I'd give her the lift home personally.

I also don't understand why your DD is paying for the night out?

Original poster
slartybartfast · 22/11/2012 08:25

dont know about the local friend, as the not local friend has rejected the sleep over. it wasnt in the equation.

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 22/11/2012 08:26

I'd take her home purely because I'd prefer to do that than have a sleepover on a school night. Having said that it's your choice, how does your DD feel?

Original poster
slartybartfast · 22/11/2012 08:26

she is paying as a xmas present.

OP posts:
MrsCantSayAnything · 22/11/2012 08:26

It is reasonable to suggest that the girl asks her parents to collect but if they can't, I think you will have to. She's got no way to get back otherwise and has already been asked.

Original poster
slartybartfast · 22/11/2012 08:27

gosh my dd would have her stay at the drop of the hat, but she never will. well we have given up asking now. oth my dd can go to hers on the bus with her bus pass and unlocal girl has no bus pass so has to pay to use the bus. so it is an expense.
i guess we will have to take her home.

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 22/11/2012 08:29

If she has no other way to get back, then she doesn't have to go on the night out. She wasn't included in the original plan anyway.

It's not OPs fault that the parents don't have a car/she wets the bed/whatever. She's 15, and if she's old enough for nights out on the town then she is old enough to get a taxi home. Her parents could book her one from a company they trust.

januaryjojo · 22/11/2012 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cozietoesie · 22/11/2012 08:32

Blimey. I'd balk at a 100 mile one way trip but 5.5 miles in connection with a Xmas treat which your DD has organized? If nothing else, I'd be ashamed to say anything else than 'No problem!'

januaryjojo · 22/11/2012 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.