to ask what the worst present you ever had was

[Justforlaughs]

When I first started seeing my now DH, he asked what I wanted for my birthday. I answered "nothing" and I got it! I've also been given a size 10 bikini (when I was a size 16), by a Great Aunt and a hose reel by my MIL. What strange things have you been given?

For our first Christmas as a couple DP got me.....absolutely nothing, not even a bloody card! I gritted my teeth and said nothing but got a bit tipsy on Boxing Day and gave him a piece of my mind, repeatedly and very loudly apparently (ok I wasn't tipsy I was pissed out of my head and he incurred my wrath). How we stayed a couple after that I'm not sure but the next Christmas I got Tiffany jewellery

Another dictionary here. From my parents. For my 16th birthday. To be fair, I still have and use it.

I also got a "Slap Chop" from DH one birthday as I'd seen it on TV in Canada and had joked I'd love one. So he got me one, as a joke, mind. My 'real' present was an emerald and diamond pendant, which would have been lovely were it not for the fact he'd got me the same one the previous year...

Dh and I are Christians

His dad is an atheist (we think, by way of catholicidsm, bhuddism and hinduism)

He gave us a White plaster statue of Jesus blessing the little children as a wedding present.

It's in a box. We put it on the bookshelf if we know he's coming!

A basket of bath stuff from ex MiL, eh, not bad, but it was one of the things I'd bought ages earlier and left in the loft when I'd moved out! And, no, it wasn't a dig - she just keeps a bag of wrapped/untagged things handy at Christmastime, in case of any unexpected guests - luck of the draw, really.

From GMiL (who's not poor) and Auntie-in-Law (really not poor) as a joint present for my DS's first birthday, a £10 mothercare gift card.

From my DP for my birthday, pewter salt&pepper shakers in the shape of beehives (his heraldic charge, not mine). He was even angrier than I was when I told him that the compulsive-shopper friend who talked him into the purchase had neglected to mention that she'd previously tried to get me to buy them for his birthday and I'd refused.

From an ex-lover (seriously not poor), a set of teapot-in-crochet-cosy and tea and chocolate. I very nearly sent it to his wife.

Are there annual awards for the best thread ever? This one gets my vote. Some of this is so funny you couldn't make it up.

Oh and I love talc! Currently using Johnson's baby talc but for Christmas (usually choose my own presents for the reasons listed above) I have given DH to wrap a talc with a big puffy applicator thingy - can't wait!

So, so many....

About ten packs of thick navy tights from a great aunt when I was fifteen.

An unasked-for years gym membership by an ex-boyfriend, to which my response was 'Thanks, wanker.' Well, it was in my head.

Perfume that smells of old-lady talc.

Avon Skin So Soft body lotion, that I had a massive allergic reaction to (technically not the giver's fault, but it didn't stop me from cursing their name to hell for all eternity when I was running around trying to find antihisthamines on Boxing Day).

This from my ex boyfriend last year...Gave it to my 4 year old DD to destroy

When I was 19 and in my first serious relationship, mum told me over the phone she'd bought me a negligee set. Just because I was sexually active now and it might turn the boyfriend on...

Saying thank you without bursting into horrified laughter was hard enough, but when I got home and saw it, it was HORRIBLE! Looked like it was designed for someone 30 years older than me - not sexy to my teenage eyes at all.

It ended up being left in the wardrobe in my old bedroom for a decade. Mum died some years ago and Dad came across it when clearing out. But because it's new and has tags on, he refuses to chuck it out. He keeps saying how one day I might want it. (DH's response to this is 'absolutely NO WAY!')

I think DSS' worst present would be last year, when age 19 he was given a Willy Grooming Kit. From his mother.

She gave his girlfriend a toy whip

An 'afternoon tea' hamper of homebaked scones, little sandwiches and a tiny pot of clotted cream, all presented in a wicker basket with fancy paper napkins.

A lovely idea, very unusual and most thoughtful, provided you're going to give this to the recipient on the day you make said sandwiches and scones.

Posting them hundreds of miles away three weeks before Christmas makes for a decidedly whiffy parcel under the tree.

When I was about 8, my grandmother bought me 3 pairs of dark brown knickers for my birthday, to match my dark brown school uniform If that want bad enough it soon became obvious that they weren't knickers......they were Y-fronts

Not a birthday present, but my mum bought me something to wear on my wedding night .

An A4 lined note pad.

My M.I.L once got me a pair of long black evening (synthetic) gloves and a bright red parasol for my birthday!!

Friend of mine got a "joke" blow-up zimmer frame from her brother for her 60th birthday. This did not go down well, especially as she is sole carer for their 90+ parents.

My first boyfriend gave me a ceramic "ornament" of two birds kissing on a bench.

My second-to-last bf got out of bed at 3.45 on Christmas Eve and said he was going xmas shopping. There were no decent shops near the flat (only a stupid smelly over-priced card shop, and the newsagent) so I was a little puzzled when he shambled back into the house at 4.05. For Christmas I was given:

A tiny volume of banal feel-good aphorisms, illustrated with happy dolphins and the like
An unplayable "game" composed of little coloured foam balls and cones
Various other items I have now blocked out

Given that he managed to spend about £50 (and didn't work and was supported by me) in the smelly pointless card shop, I wished he had gone to the newsagent. I could have used some notebooks and sellotape. He could have thrown in a Dairy Milk, they never go amiss.

Ooh, the hamper. Ooh! the y-fronts!

Man, JK Rowling should have read this thread before she tried to think up the Dursleys' presents for Harry Potter.

SecondhandRose, I just had a massive Proustian rush to certain very 80s scents: I thought it was absolutely the height of sophistication to have a big box of talc and a huge fluffy puff and envelop myself and the bathroom in heavily scented white powder. Aaaaah... thinking of innocent times... then you could put your dressing gown and bedsocks on and go downstairs and watch Moonlighting, all warm and cosy from your bath, imagining that Cybill Shepard probably had the same talc...

Some one these presents are hilarious.. some I would imagine are quite hurtful to the recipient.

Thoughtful presents from my mother over the years include
Diet recipe books
Car breakdown kit & car hoover that you plug into the cigarette lighter (I think she did the Christmas shopping in Halfords that year)
Anti-celluite cream & skin bleaching cream to get rid of freckles (I have millions)

On our first Christmas living together I was really looking forward to a special or romantic gift from my DP (now DH). I got a blue fleece .

MIL once got me some Clarins samples and an opened box of chocolates. I was really surprised that year and wondered if I'd offended her in some way!!

A bottle of men's aftershave from dh. The following year, also from him, an equally feminine and romantic quarter bottle of whisky.

From MIL: above-the-knee-length beige knickers labelled on packaging as 'thermal pantelettes'.

I got a large tub of stretch mark cream from my younger sister after birth of DS...

My FIL chooses decidedly odd gifts. Last year I got a small tin of eastern European salmon roe. Year before an Elvis CD. Year before that a strange looking black and white film on DVD. None of these things was ever opened. Looking forward to this year's offering!

I remember being about 10 and getting a bra and knickers set from my uncle one family Christmas....