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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this woman to f off and buy her own dress?

431 replies

charlmarascoxo · 20/11/2012 21:29

I've worked with the same women "Wendy" for around 3 years now, and I am the same age as her daughter "Amelia".

Today Wendy asks me as if it would be possible for me to bring in my wedding dress to work for Amelia to borrow for her wedding. She explained that they were both struggling financially and that Wendy herself was in debt.

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, however I have been told by Wendy that they were both looking at the wedding photos on Facebook and how Amelia would love to have the same dress.

I am being a bitch if I refuse? My dress is so special to me and I don't want just anyone wearing it.

OP posts:
BigBirdisSaved · 22/11/2012 06:35

(Haven't read all 12 pages so forgive me if I'm doubling or tripling what other have said)

Could you say no, it is precious to you and you don't want to lend it, but you will look at the brand and any other identifying info to help them try and find one on ebay.

YellowDinosaur · 22/11/2012 06:50

Actually scratch that.

If reply something like 'as I've already explained to your Mum, anything I have kept from my wedding I have done so because it has great sentimental value. Because of this I'd have to think very hard about loaning such items to a close friend or family member. What on earth makes you think I'd lend them to a stranger?'

And you can't block her because then we'd never get to see her unhinged reply!

Ephiny · 22/11/2012 07:14

I am Shock at the latest developments.

They sound awful. I would block/defriend them on FB.

diddl · 22/11/2012 07:53

She´s certainly persistent!

Tell her you don´t have the bmaid dresses & you won´t change your mind about the dress.

(Wonder what the reply to that will be??!!)

dexter73 · 22/11/2012 07:57

Wondering if 'Amelia' will start a thread about how there is another side to the story like piratepartygate!

MrsBucketxx · 22/11/2012 08:07

de friend on fb tell her none of my wedding ms are fir or sale/rent so stop asking Shock bloody cheek of the woman.

she sounds like she wants your wedding not her own, she'll be asking for menus next

greeneyed · 22/11/2012 08:11

Umm I'd say that the facebook message is directed at you, especially after the last text where another poster points out they do feel entitled to your dresses. As they appear to be treating you with contempt I'd not want to add fuel to the fire but to nip this in the bud quite firmly. A text to the daughter saying -I'm afraid I won't change my mind about the wedding dress and I no longer have the bridesmaid dresses - would suffice

carabos · 22/11/2012 09:04

Shock at this whole scenario. These people are so far over the boundary of normal conduct they're going to need their passports to get back.

IMO they are out and out trying to bully you into handing over your wedding and bridesmaids dresses. They are doing that because they think you have plenty of money so why shouldn't you give them your things - there's no way you would get any of it back.

They don't like you. If they did they wouldn't do this. You are going to find yourself on the receiving end of "she's ruined Amelia's wedding" gossip in the office and this is going to run and run Hmm.

scarletforya · 22/11/2012 09:37

YADNBU

But Wendy and Amelia are. Unreasonable and extremely RUDE. I'm quite suprised to see that a few people on this thread though 'it was ok to ask'.

IMO it was not ok to ask. OP is a work aquaintance, not a close friend or family member. Asking to borrow something is just about ok if it is a book or maybe tool that would only be used once. But not someone's wedding dress. That is so wrong that if some of you don't know why it's wrong then I can't explain it to you.

It's bad manners, bad etiquette and RUDE, RUDE, RUDE to put someone in the position of having to say no. Wendy and Amelia's debts and money problems are not OP's problem. They sound like a pair of shameless freeloaders.

perceptionreality · 22/11/2012 09:39

OMG - I really cannot believe this. As I said earlier, they clearly don't understand the concept of boundaries and sound socially inept. It's best to just ignore it all even though it must be difficult when you work with this person.

I don't think there are many people who seriously believe that because someone is well off they should hand out all their stuff to whoever needs it?! It's plainly ridiculous.

perceptionreality · 22/11/2012 09:42

Yes, why is she telling random people about her debts? Has she no pride? Nobody knows anything about my financial situation, I'll never understand people who talk about their money whether positively or negatively...

Pendipidy · 22/11/2012 10:01

I am a newbie here, defected from nm and what a revelation it has been! I am loving the fact that everyone can spell and understand irony...

I think that Wendy and amelia obviously have no idea. I would be tempted to reply to her latest request, 'we saved up for a long time to buy things we wanted for our wedding, my dress and bridesmaids dresses cost a lot of money and quite simply ten pounds is a bit insulting'

Having said that, i think that these people are not going to understand any of that, so just say no as zammo sung!

Ps i have racked my brains over what Yanbu could mean and am obviously not bright enough to get it, please someone enlighten me !

sue52 · 22/11/2012 10:02

Now Wendy and Amelia are taking the mick. £10 indeed! I thought it was OK for her to ask about the wedding dress but she should have taken the hint when you said no and not just altered the request to the bridemaids dresses.

MerryMarigold · 22/11/2012 10:04

YABU. Spread a little kindness FGS!

Katisha · 22/11/2012 10:04

Pendipidy welcome!
YABU - You Are Being Unreasonable
YANBU - You Are Not Being Unreasonable

wewereherefirst · 22/11/2012 11:12

They're off their rockers! Id send her links to where you got your dresses from and leave it at that or tell them both to get fucked

HeadfirstForHalos · 22/11/2012 11:34
Shock

I don't think you have been unreasonable at all! My wedding dress cost £50 and I wouldn't lend it out. Some people attach emotion to certain personal objects, I'm one of them. It doesn't make that person selfish.

As for the daughters message about the bridesmaid dresses? The mind boggles.

Welcome to Mumsnet Pendipidy . I defected from NMs a couple of years ago too.

namechanger4097 · 22/11/2012 11:34

Wow. YANBU. They were odd to ask to borrow the wedding dress but in desperate times I would let them off with that and you were gracious in your response. The facebook status is almost certainly aimed at you and is rude. The message from the daughter is probably a pop rather than a serious offer - unless they are 100% unhinged they'd know that 3 x bridesmaids dresses for a tenner is taking the piss. I'd suggest you reply to Amelia to tell her that the bridesmaids kept their dresses and then block her and block Wendy's access to your pictures too. Let us know what they do next - have a feeling Wendy is going to bitch to other jealous colleagues!

HeadfirstForHalos · 22/11/2012 11:36

Merry , I need to do some Christmas shopping, but it's kind of expensive. I know you're a stranger, but go on, spread a little kindness and lend me a few hundred pounds. I promise you will get it all back...

Pendipidy · 22/11/2012 11:56

Thank you katisha.,

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 22/11/2012 11:58

Shock I'd block them both and no way would they be getting anything. It doesn't sound as though they'd give it back.

UrbanSpaceManBaby · 22/11/2012 12:05

Op can you take a sabbatical until this wedding is over?

'Fess up have you been wearing your wedding dress to work on dress-down Friday?

pigletmania · 22/11/2012 12:38

Welcome perendipidy Smile what a bloody cheek asking for BM dresses, 10 for 3! Shock. Your not a charity. Just tell her that your BM kept them, that a elpful hint, BM dresses are usually 100+

RyleDup · 22/11/2012 13:11

Put pictures of yourself on fb doing the gardening in your wedding dress.

OTheHugeManatee · 22/11/2012 13:28

OMG this thread just gets better and better Shock

Be sure to let us know what you say to Amelia, OP Grin

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