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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if anyone has / knows anyone who had kids so they could give up work / go part time?

53 replies

Cherryontop99 · 20/11/2012 08:56

A friend of mine always talks about having kids so she can give up her job (a very stressful one) or go part time. She says it in a jokey manner, and I know she adores children, so this is not her real motivation.

However, this got me wondering how many women actually do have children because they are fed up with careers / want a change of scene?!

I'm sure there was an article about it in the Daily Mail (!!) too a while ago too.

OP posts:

LaVitaBellissima · 20/11/2012 09:01

I have to admit that it was a factor for me, 8 years in a very stressful job, unsociable hours, managing a very large team.
I was 30 & engaged and thought I should start trying in case it took a while.
6 weeks later I was pregnant with twins, am still undecided as to which was the more stressful job! I now work time time doing something completely different.

Furoshika · 20/11/2012 09:16

Yes, a friend of mine did. Her life plan was to do a PGCE, see if she liked teaching (she didn't, much) and if not, get pregnant and be a SAHM.

Popumpkin · 20/11/2012 09:20

Yes, a primary school teacher friend of mine couldn't wait to have a baby so that she could become a SAHM. She now has twin girls & is loving every minute of it.

Also, a colleague of mine is desperately TTC so that, in her words, she can "go on maternity leave and never fucking come back".

bracken101 · 20/11/2012 09:21

For me it was the opposite- I had a fine but un-fulfilling job after finishing my PhD because my DH had set up a business in the area and there were very few interesting (for me) jobs around. I fell pregnant and for ages I had to battle with the fact that I was unable to go for the (full time) job opportunities that arose with jobs I would have loved, and felt fulfilled. I had to accept that the best thing in the short term for me and my family was to do boring boring part time work, from home, as opposed to commuting for 1-1.5 hours a day and being fulfilled in my work life. Am now pregnant with number 2, hope when this one is 3 to be able to have a more interesting and fulfilling job, probably nothing to do with what I trained in, but still interesting.

greensnail · 20/11/2012 09:22

Sort of. I've always wanted children and felt like working full time was just what I was doing until dh and I were ready to have children. I love my work but I have a job which is exhausting physically and mentally/emotionally and I feel much better equipped to do it properly now I'm not full time as I'm not so exhausted by it (still tired but in a different way). In the last few years before having dd1 I was definitely looking forward to going part time.

Original poster

Cherryontop99 · 20/11/2012 09:48

So not uncommon to look forward to leaving work when you have children then it seems! I doubt many people who don't want children would have them just to leave work...

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 20/11/2012 10:00

Yes there is a difference between wanting kids and enjoying not going to work but I very much doubt any one gets pregnant with the sole reason for wanting to give up work.......looking after a baby is no 9 to 5 so anyone who thinks it would be easier than actually going to work needs their head testing.

Original poster

Cherryontop99 · 20/11/2012 10:45

I guess it depends on your job - I have friends who have found having children much easier than their careers (and much more rewarding) but others who say motherhood is more difficult ...

OP posts:

Hazbo · 20/11/2012 12:59

Yes me, although I was 30 and had been married 2 years so the timing was "right" as well. I had a stressful job that I hadnt enjoyed for years. From the minute I was pregnant I was dreaming about maternity leave. Then whilst on maternity leave I got pregnant again so I never went back.....
If I do go back to work it will be in a completely different career in a non stressful job.

At the time, even though I should have just left that profession, everyone seemed shocked when I sounded out the idea of leaving with no job to go to or not working at all, or working somewhere else part time, but its perfectly acceptable when you have kids!

Original poster

Cherryontop99 · 20/11/2012 13:23

Hazbo what line of work were you in and what new career would you try?

OP posts:

Woozley · 20/11/2012 13:25

Yes, though I knew I wouldn't be a lawyer for ever in any event and carried on for 6 years after I had DD1.

runningintreacle · 20/11/2012 14:07

Yes, though I wasn't actually working at the time. I was doing a MSc when I got married, then did a PhD but then grew to realise I didn't want to go on to work in that field. So I had a few years off, tried some voluntary positions and then decided to have dd when I couldn't decide on a career I wanted to do. I don't think dh would have been happy to be the sole breadwinner if we didn't have dd.

MrsWhoGivesaShit · 20/11/2012 15:19

yes, i can not wait to have a baby so i can leave and never fucking come back! i hate my job with a passion! So we are TTC, i will get a nice maternity package and then never ever have to come back to this hell hole! i will be a SAHM

AnnoyedAtWork · 20/11/2012 15:27

I am kind of divided on this one. Part of me dreams of going part time or changing to a less stressful job with a new little baby bean. But when I was home all day finishing my masters with DD on summer hold age 6, I was so lonely and depressed! If DP and I have one of our own I have to admit I will be nervous about losing self esteem and adult company by staying at home full time even for 3 months

Anyway am main earner so doubt I would be allowed to be the sahp lol

DP may well end up SAHD but I would actually be a little jealous especially if wasn't also reducing my hours or something like that!

motherinferior · 20/11/2012 15:28

God no, one of my major worries about having children was that I wouldn't be able to work.

Crinkle77 · 20/11/2012 15:31

I suspect a friend of mine did exactly that although i would never ask. She had only been with her new boyfriend a short time nefore she got pregnant. This boyfriend had his own business, house etc... Funnily enough she managed to not get pregnant with a previous boyfriend of a number of years who had none of this

coffeeslave · 20/11/2012 16:32

My mum did, back in the early 1970s. She didn't particularly want kids, she just didn't want to work. She had my sister first, then 5 years later I was an "oops".

It did kind of backfire for her as once both of us were out of the house she felt very unfulfilled. My dad was used to her looking after him, and didn't approve of her working, so she never worked again. Thank goodness they've remained married, because without his pension etc she wouldn't be well provided for in her old age!

LondonInHighHeeledBoots · 20/11/2012 16:52

I half jokingly would! My life plan has always included kids, but lately at work I do find myself dreaming of extended mat leave where before it has always been a 'get 'em weaned and get back in' plan.

I think in part this is due to the fact that now DP and I are both working (both just out of uni), completely unexpectedly, he is earning a fair bit more than I am when we both thought it would be the other way round, so the idea that I would/could be the SAHP/WPTP has hit the wall rather hard and I'm actually thinking about it where I haven't before.

I think it also might be that I'm thinking in more terms of real time not 'future' when thinking of kids now, so am actually considering options.

I'd obviously not have kids just to get time off work - I could just quit at the end of the day!

Original poster

Cherryontop99 · 20/11/2012 17:00

LondonInHighHeeledBoots

I'd obviously not have kids just to get time off work - I could just quit at the end of the day!

But would your other half really be willing to be the sole breadwinner just because you could not be bothered / did not want to work?! Obviously if you have kids you can justify staying at home, but if you don't have kids, I don't see how you can justify staying at home (unless you have some other valid reason, such as health etc, or you are just loaded )

OP posts:

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 20/11/2012 17:25

Me, sort of. DD was a genuine 'oops' but actually perfect timing work-wise as I had a new manager who was a bully and I was utterly miserable. I went on maternity leave almost as soon as possible and won't go back if she's still there.

McChristmasPants2012 · 20/11/2012 17:33

I never factored work in the decision to have children.

I was 19 and I wanted children young, I plan to have a career once my kids are older I work pt as a domestic so want something my kids and I can be proud of

SrirachaGirl · 20/11/2012 17:50

Hmmm...are you sure you're not misunderstanding? I have always known I wanted to have children and be a SAHM (and luckily DH concurred) so eagerly looked forward to having my babies so that I could do just that...I quite liked my job but knew that being a WOHM was not for me. I probably won't ever go back to work now but I'll definitely be doing more volunteering when my DCs are grown.

You'd have to be quite dense to think that having children would be like some sort of vacation wouldn't you?

Original poster

Cherryontop99 · 20/11/2012 17:59

I don't think it's necessarily a case of people thinking having kids is a vacation compared to working .... But I suppose it is more rewarding and more pleasant especially if you don't like your job or have a horrible boss.
Also depending on what your job is it might be easier (I know people who swear having a baby is easier than working (they all had stressful jobs in the City))

OP posts:

AnnieLobeseder · 20/11/2012 18:01

We had DD2 earlier than planned so I could get out of a job I hated. But I doubt anyone actually has children to get out of work. Because children are way more work than, um, work!

IneedAsockamnesty · 20/11/2012 18:04

I know lots of people whose life dream was to have a couple of kids be a sahm bake stuff and finger paint,

But I don't know anybody whose only reason for having a unwanted child was so they didn't have to work.

I also don't think I know many working mums who don't view work as a little bit of an. Escape from the kids

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