AIBU to be pissed off at friend and let her know it?...

[Pinkforever]

I always arrange our girls nights out. It can be quite challenging as need to find dates that suit everyone,venues etc.

Due to works nights out,other commitments etc I had arranged that our xmas night out would be last saturday.

However one of my friends is a very fussy eater and made it clear that if she didnt like the choice of restaurant she wouldnt come. We picked an indian, she doesnt like curry so was fine with her not attending.

Now my other friend had made no objections to which restaurant we were going to and seemed quite happy-up until the point that this other woman pulled out. They are bosom buddies btw.

Now she didnt even tell me she wasnt coming-even though I had booked it-told another friend and then when I spoke to her about it came out with the shit excuse of her nearly 2 year old not sleeping and she cant leave him-she has a dh and it is their 3rd child not fucking pfb!!

I dont believe this excuse and think that not coming because your pal isnt is a bit pathetic in a grown woman? plus I think she was peed off we didnt invite her dh but thats another story...

Aibu to be pissed off and tell them they can organise their own nights out from now on?...

Well I know that I should let it go and the next time I am asked to organise a night out-and I will be-I will only invite the people who prefer not to be martyrs to their children...

Thanks for all the replies though...

Or you could just not be a martyr about planning big group nights and just see people you actually LIKE at a time/place that suits everyone, it's not hard!

If you LIKE the fussy eater, then see her for coffee or walks instead of meals out, if you don't like her enough to see her one to one then stop counting her in your rent-a-friends numbers to make up "girls nights out"

Wow - I've just returned to the thread to find that you've insulted me, and my parenting, without knowing my personal circumstances (DH absent for the first six months of my child's life, child with choking disorder) purely because I tried to explain that your friend might not be lying to you.

Actually though, I think you are right. I would definitely be looking for any weak excuse not to go out with you so I suspect your friend is lying.

Oh yes OP, your friend is definitely lying. As I'm sure she has in the past, will in the future and your others friend ps will/have too.

I think the title should be changed to "AIBU to think my friend should grow a pair and tell me I'm a massive bitch"

I will only invite the people who prefer not to be martyrs to their children...
yabvvvvvu - see this is what can be so horrible about group events and meals - the underlying aggression, bitchiness and forced conformity. I wonder how many of your 'girls' would get in touch and want to see you if you didn't corral them into it? If they beg you to organise these things don't you think maybe they're hinting that they couldn't be arsed! And your emphasis on how everyone had such a great night smacks of neediness. Word to the wise - stop judging, get to know people one-on-one and just relax

It is quite frustrating trying to organise a night out and to please everyone. Sometimes I find it best to say this is what's happening, if you can make it great, if not sorry but I am having trouble trying to make plans that suit everyone. Or give people a few options and stress beforehand that you will have to go with the majority.

There must be more to this than meets the eye

Do you know what I woukd think if I was the woman who didn't come. I woukd think that the rest of you were making a point. And a not very nice one at that. Basically, that you were no longer accommodating fussy eater and you had oribably all been discussing this behind her back. Because that's what it looks - even if you deny it or didn't do it

As for the fussy eater wanting to go in to the city?! I'm sorry but I don't know where you live but I live near Manchester and there are numerous restaurants of varying cost in the city centre. So you would only then have to cover the costs of transport. If you're all too skint to do that, I would probably refuse to go too. I'd be very worried about your financial state this close to Christmas and think that perhaps you were just arranging something out of politeness that you really couldn't afford.

If there really wasn't somewhere you could go that suited everyone's taste and pocket which I highly doubt then why couldn't you have offered to have everyone over to yours? If cooking is too much or too expensive, you could have got a takeaway and everyone chipped in. Fussy friend coukd habpve brought some food if she doesn't like the takeaways nearby

You're perhaps not aware if this but there is the most horrible Mean Girls content and tone to your posts. If that's coming across to the other two, don't be surprised if their tied up for the rest if their lives in the future.

"and the next time I am asked to organise a night out-and I will be"
I would put money on you being asked in a "sooo Pinkforever, when's are you organising another one of your candlelit suppers girls nights out then?" kinda way!

They're laughing AT you "social secretary", not with you!

chill out a bit or you'll find that eventually all your friends have to stay home to "put the kids to bed" before long

And all that stuff about misquoting Alan Patridge?! You do realise he is a character who is essentially a rude and friendless cretin?!

because that's what happens when you list people you don't really like as a friend. You can't expect them to really like you back when you quite clearly don't think much of them.

Does you being asked to organise nights out go something like -

Pink - Oooh we should all go out again soon

Friend - Yeah you organise something and let me know the details.

Thats what I say when someone annoying is trying to get me to come out and I don't want to be outright and say no because I know they will slag me off to anyone who will listen.

I hate 'Girls Nights Out'

I like going out with my friends, but anything officially titled Girls Night Out has me running for the hills.

I also hate Indian food, the smell in an Indian restaurant alone is enough to make me gag. I really, really don't like it. It doesn't make me fussy, I am an adult and I am allowed to dislike food.

I wouldn't have gone either, although I would have told you why, rather than come up with an excuse

Right, op is getting a complete kicking for some reason. She sounded a little bit annoying but wasn't that unreasonable. Most of you would probably have been annoyed as well. You're all just laying in way too OTT now.

next time they ask you to organise it say it's become a mine field trying to keep everyone happy so you don't want to do it anymore.

I did used to have a friend like you OP, and no the "girls nights out" where everyone had to be there all together wouldn't have happened without her............. because the rest of us weren't bothered about "girls nights out" not being teenagers any more for one, because even though all 8ish of us all knew/were friends to varying degrees with each other, that didn't mean we had to all be present and correct at the same time, we were quite happy seeing each other 1:1 or in smaller groups or whatever. Eventually the social secretary got dumped by all because if invited by one person to something she'd take it upon herself to invite all the rest and turn it into a "girls night" and it was fecking annoying, plus her regular candlelight suppers "pizza, wine and dvd nights where the same people were expected to turn up every month were SOO DULL.

Personally, the main reason I dumped her was because she would introduce me as "one of the X girls" rather than just "buddy", and I realised that I was just a number for her "girls nights"

I still see the others without her organising, we just don't all have to see each other at the same time

....omg Buddy your social secretary friend sounds exactly like one of MY friends....

Ywnbu not to accommodate the fussy eater.

Ywnbu to be a bit peeved at her friend pulling out at a late stage and without getting in touch directly: that was rude of her.

Yabu to speculate about and judge her reported reason for not attending.

Yabvu making bitchy comments about "martyr" parents. So the one who pulled out has three DC, including a toddler with sleep issues/separation anxiety? Not exactly a breeze.

Yes dozer-she has 3dcs as do I-but she also had a dh who quite frankly should be telling his wife to bloody go out and have a good time and not be such a martyr!-but of course he wont because that might stop him getting a full nights sleep.

I love the massive assumptions about me on this thread though-I meet these friends every week for coffee-we meet up at various activities for the kids. In no way am I trying to force them to do anything.Not to sound like a braggard but I am quite popular and I know my friends enjoy my company. Btw the friend with the shit excuse had lived in this area for years and had no friends apart from her dh until she met me and I started inviting her out-hardly the actions of a "cretin" is it?

I think some people on here are projecting their own feelings....

Oh pinkforever you are very funny

OMG OP I think you might BE my ex "social secretary" friend, not just LIKE her!

she thought she was massively popular too (infact she just sort of tried to be in the middle of things and make herself indespensible, she had loads of aquaintances that she called friends)

AND she used to "adopt" people who she thought would benefit from being dragged into one of her social gangs, we were constantly being "set up" with someone who "didn't know many people", she was like some sort of shite match maker and would always invite someone who she thought was more socially unfortunate than her along to whatever you invited her to (when the reality is that some people value quality over quantity in terms of no of "friends")
"Btw the friend with the shit excuse had lived in this area for years and had no friends apart from her dh until she met me and I started inviting her out"

• really people were quite happy without her

Wow op your story of taking your 'friend' out of her life of drudgery and adopting her into your social circle out of the goodness of your heart doesn't make you sound patronising at all. She should forever grovel at your feet

Where did I suggest she should grovel missy? I was merely saying that apart from being the horrible person you are all trying to make out-I made an effort to get to know this woman as I could see she was shy. Hardly the actions of a complete bitch is it

Actually I dont have a huge number of friends-I could count the amount of people I consider real friends on 1 hand. But believe what you like about me if it makes you feel better about yourselves......

What's your point then? because she has less friends than you, and you are self declared popular, she should be GLAD of a curry out with you and jump at the chance? She should like you because you decided to adopt her into your "girls nights out"?

She'd rather stay in, to settle her kid or to drink tea on the sofa or whatever. Deal with it!

You didn't suggest she should grovel. I did.

We can only go by what you are saying here, you have spent this thread insulting others parenting choices and being patronising about your social circle and you are wondering why people don't think you are particularly nice? Read through your posts and you may see what everyone else is seeing. I'm sure in RL you are lovely but you aren't coming across that way on this thread tbh.

Yikes.
Every single word you post makes my teeth itch.

I think the OP thought it would make her sound nice, but it doesn't, it makes her sound patronising. The only reason to be friends with someone is because you LIKE them, not because you think they don't have enough friends. Noone wants a pity friendship.