ComposHat - I'm pretty much on a par with you. My beloved (and boy do we belove each other) is 30 and I'm 34 and I've got at least another 16 months before I'm debt free. At that point we should have a nice comfortable lifestyle - I'm also the main earner so he would end up a SAHD which he does not want.
I'm naturally a very maternal person and all my friends are a bit shocked by my swaying towards the idea of not having children as they have all consistently seen me as a 'natural' and I often assume an almost maternal role within my friendships.
Lately I find myself noting names - 'oh that's a nice name' and for a few seconds in my head I trying calling out the name to my imaginary child. I also find myself thinking 'how would i explain this (a concept or news event) to a child'. But these are fleeting fancies and I don't have a strong urge for a child.
I've been asking this question to every female I know lately to make an informed decision. The two ladies I work with have both said emphatically that given the choice again they would not have had children. One has 2DD both grown up and at Uni (one a dream and the other a pain). The other has 2DD in high school (same again - one a dream - one a pain). Two single mother friends have also said pretty much the same. Funnily the conversation is always identical to begin with. Question asked......long pause...'Now don't get me wrong I love my kids to death but...'
I was dreading telling my mother but, star mum that she is, as usual she completely surprised me by whipping round and saying 'Couldn't agree more honey. Given the ludicrous modern pressures on parents I don't understand why anyone has kids these days. Completed different kettle of fish to my days'
When I think about it I always weigh up what the greater regret, harm and consequences would be. Yes regretting not having children in later life would be awful. But that would only affect me and my beloved and we are sure to have ample opportunity to be great god parents/uncles/aunties etc.
However, once you swallow the blue pill so to speak, you cannot go back and regretting having children is a far worse prospect (just take a look on the other thread-its heartbreaking). It can destroy lives (please note CAN and not does)- not just of the parents and their relationship but much much much more importantly of the poor child.
Given the all embracing nature of parenthood (see the lovely descriptions of the doting parents on this thread alone - I'm deeply happy for all of them) the latter trumps the former in terms of potential harm despite the prospect of untold joy it might deliver.
And that before you get to the cost! We would be permanently skint which i do not fancy. I've grown fond of making light of the whole issue by referring to it as the quarter of million pound bet. Will children make me happier than I am now - which is pretty wonderfully happy? - am I willing to make a £250,000 punt on this?.....erm No.
Rant over