To ask if anyone has regretting having / not having children?

[Cherryontop99]

That's it really.
Has anyone regretted their decision, either way.
I'm just in the decision making process myself which is why I ask.

Agree, Jusfloatingby.

I don't think there is any need for the childfree and the parents in life to be polarised or antagonistic, but I do think parents can be unbelievably crashingly smug, rude, and self-righteous in ways that non-parents are less likely to be (with exceptions of course).

Being a parent is hard but you do not have the monopoly on tiredness. Nor are you the only people living a valuable, meaningful life.
Fathers, in particular (crashing generalisation alert) can be unbelievably selfish while looking after their little darlings and very dismissive of the needs or wants of spinster aunts. (It is more usual for mothers to look after their children with at least some consciousness that, for instance, someone else in the room might want at least one strawberry, for example) If you happen to be feeling sad about being childless at the same time as being treated as someone who doesn't matter and doesn't exist, this can really be insult to injury. Or injury to insult.

I often wonder what people without horses do all day.

I would love to have horses, but I work full time (8-6) and commute an hour each way so I am out the house7-7 every weekday. Evenings and weekends are spent cleaning, cooking, eating, washing, sleeping! The little free time I have I try to hit the gym or see friends and family.

You are very lucky if you have so much free time to have horses.

I know. I have worked part time from home for the past 12 years (since having DD). But I am having to go back in to an office and I really do not know how I will cope. Back to 6am mucking out.

I don't regret having my children. They bring so much happiness and love into my life. I know I had them too young really and I wish the circumstances under which ds was born were different but the bottom line is he is loved, we survived and we now have a dd too. I had never thought about children before ds was unexpectedly conceived but I wouldn't be without them now.

I have never come across a parent who is in any way as you describe lost. I must know nicer people

I think the main problem with having children, is that nothing can every really prepare you for what it feels like. The sense of obligation is hard at times, and it's frustrating not being able to just go and do what you want. But I find it's worth it, for me.

I always used to assume that having babies was the default position too, and rather rudely assumed that some people just couldn't have babies, or had very glamorous lifestyles and didn't want them, but that they were missing out. Since having DS, I can now fully appreciate that having a baby is not something that everyone would want to do. It's not something that everyone should do. I struggle all the time to be a better parent (I've got a short temper), and find having the patience to deal with the daily grind quite hard. To be honest I'm not sure that I'm suited to having small babies, so don't think I'll have another one! But I'm glad I have DS, if that makes sense?

'As Gore Vidal said in his novel Two Sisters, children are our link with eternity'

And how many children did he have? Er- NONE.

Hehehe.

What's the point of having a link with eternity again? I don't think I'll care, once I'm eternally dead. I'd rather have full nights' sleep whilst I'm alive.

Exit, I have reported your 11.33 post. For Marie-Antoinette-ism

Funny There are often threads on here about rude or self absorbed or overly precious self righteous parents. No one's saying they are in the majority or anywhere near it, but I don't think anyone could say they don't exist. Maybe you just aren't particularly sensitive to those traits and don't find that type of person as grating/upsetting/tactless as some other people do.

Never regretted my children ..... just their fathers

I don't regret having DS but I had him young, and used to feel envious of childfree friends who could go out/do weekend activities/focus on work or study without worrying about childcare.

DS is older now and I have those same freedoms, while all my younger childfree friends are now at home with newborns and toddlers!

I enjoy being a mum, but wouldn't say it's the defining thing in my life. It's not the hardest thing I've done; it's one of the most valuable things I've done but not the only one. I have friends who have gone through gruelling cycles of IVF or years of assessments/waiting for adoption, and I don't think I'd care enough about becoming a parent to put myself through any of that.

My life certainly wouldn't be empty and meaningless if I'd never had DS, I have always managed to maintain my sense of self and keep my own interests and achievements outside of being just a parent.

I never regret having my children, although I do regret the timing out first dc came along because she was unplanned. If she'd been born about 9 months later, my life would have been much much easier, but that time in my life has made me a much stronger person.

i have a 15month old ds. I could never say I regretted having him, he is amazing! and i love his so much. BUT

i had him too young (20). Still at uni, and am so jealous of my friends who can go out partying and travelling around the world. it makes me depressed sometimes. So i guess I agree with lots of people on this thread, don't ever regret him, but regret the circumstances! I'm lucky I have a supportive DP though!

iit sounds bizaare but I didn't realize how 24-7 having a child is. You imagine a lovely little baby, but I literally can''t even go to the toilet upstairs without worrying if my 15mo has eaten something/climbed on something/choked on something/fallen off something etc etc etc. And having someone else dictate when you can sleep is the weirdest and most frustrating thign in the world. DS is a terrible sleeper and it's so irritating being exhausted at 4am while he runs around the living room. If i had to be awake for a reason work/uni, then i'd be okay, but to be up at 4am to watch adverts about a steam mop (the x5, i really really want it....) its frustrating.

I adore my twins and simply love them more than anything in this world- I would never regret having them. However, I do find it so, so tiring at times (toddlers who don't like sleep!) and I do look forward to a time where this settles down.

What I do hate is how vulnerable I feel with regards to my fear of anything happening to them- natural, I know but I have pnd which I think can make this worse. I had to give myself a stern talking to when I recognised I was avoiding certain situations (out of town car journeys, other relatives driving with them in the car etc) as I would convince myself something would go wrong.

No. It is better than I ever expected. I only wish I'd had one or two more in between them.

No one wants to hurt anyone who can't have a child or make out there life isn't complete etc. But are we not allowed to say that the love I feel for my children is the most intense feeling and love I could imagine and I'm glad I didn't go through life without experiencing that? On the other hand my children are still young and beautiful and innocent and UNDER MY CONTROL, have no idea how they will turn out or what struggles we might face. Being a parent is also the scariest thing too, terrified something happens to them, that your parenting sucks and you let them down, that your relationship falters. To get the highs you must also risk all and the lows that could follow. It scares me.

Bows

MargeySimpson I was in your position 12 years ago. You can still go partying and travelling in your 30s, and all your friends will be stuck at home with their toddlers!

Actually, I was quite lucky and my mum used to take DS on overnights once a week so I could still go out regularly. She hasn't done this with any of my siblings (who had dc when older and so my mum was also older) so in a way it was quite lucky that I had DS when I did...

I love my DD with all my heart and wouldn't be without her ( despite all the probs we have) BUT if I had my time again I would never have had children. It's not just that its difficult , exhausting, frustrating etc . It's the worry. The awful awful worry.