To wish people wouldn't hold my baby's hands

[anicegreentea]

especially at this bug ridden time of year.
I keep telling myself not to be uptight and just go with the flow. You can't stop people cooing over cute babies.
But yesterday lady in department store came over to talk to him, holding both hands for ages. Then he grabbed her pen which she thought was cute/funny. I didn't say anything - what can you say anyway?!
Today he has vomiting, temperature, runny nose. I know it might not have been from this lady, but also It might have been!
Also had uncomfortable incident when an old lady who looked almost homeless did something similar in marks and spencers a few months ago.
Do these things annoy anyone else?!

Yes but babies don't have a sense of intimate space like adults do so it's not really comparing like for like.

My lo was in a&e on Friday night don't ask and the nurse's were giving him kisses. Let me just check....
Oh yeah he's still alive, chill out op.

YANBU. Of course people's hands are covered in germs. That's why frequent handwashing is the best way to prevent spread of bugs.

On the other hand (no pun intended!), YABU if you want to be able to change this. People have been cooing at and touching babies ever since babies were invented, and it's definitely true that your little one needs to build up some immunity, so it's not all bad.

Just wait until your baby starts nursery! Snotty toddlers kissing your baby, lots of cute hand-holding, several babies all sucking the same plastic bricks....It's been at least a bug a week in this house for the past 8 weeks!!

speaking to a baby is different from invading other peoples personal space though It isn't the same and the parent pushing the pram could always say oh l im in a rush or put a cover over if they wanted, people like babies they like talking to them babies liked being spoke to and sometimes a stranger will innocently touch and coo over babies

OP i totally agree with you - cooing over babies is fine but strangers shouldn't be touching other peoples babies, particularly without asking first - not their hands nor their faces. especially as most people don't wash their hands after going to the loo anyway

you wouldn't touch a dog or a cat without its implicit permission first, so why why do babies have to put up with grubby mitts on them.

what i find very difficult is saying no to our big issue seller always touching my baby's hands - i know he may not be able to wash his hands at all whilst outdoors but i do not have the heart to tell him to keep his hands off, whilst i am perfectly able to say this to other people who should know better. conundrum.

YANBU. This really annoys me too, especially touching babies faces. Next time just tell people not to touch as you have a thing about hand hygiene.

If more people were mindful about what and who they touched there wouldn't be so much illness about.

There'd be just as much illness about.

Oh god, it's the poo particle squad. The thought of saying to a lovely old dear, 'please don't touch my baby, you may make him ill'!!

YANBU for feeling that way YABU if you think you can do anything about it.

Don'tGetMeStartedOnPeopleFeelingYourBumpWhenPregnangTiggaxx

I think feeling someone's baby bump is a total intrusion of privacy.

DD has her hands washed one as day, before bed. And maybe the odd wipe if she's fallen into mud or eaten pasta or something. Maybe sounds a bit slack but she's 18mo and has only vomited once (after catching her first sicky bug at uber-clean nursery last month).

She has a cast iron tummy and a great immune system. I grew up on a farm and barely washed either - same stomach strength here too.

Though I'd obviously worry more if DD had been prem, or was a sickly child. But for average, common-as-muck babies I think you need to chill out.

But agree that baby bump fondling is fucking weird. A friend (male) did it to me, it was horrible.

You know who you are. Don't ever do that again.

you wouldn't touch a dog or a cat without its implicit permission first, so why why do babies have to put up with grubby mitts on them.

Probably because they are unlikely to ever snarl and bite you.
The two really aren't comparable are they?

And how do you get a dog/cat expressed permission?

How do you get a baby's permission lol

Op YANBU

as an example - my Db decided to kindly share his ice cream with my DD ( 5) last week. DB has a really nasty deep chesty cough. I was doing soemthing else then turned round horrified to see him licking the ice cream then passing it to her to have a good lick of. When i objected his wife said he didnt have a cough it was his usual " bad chest".

we have a brand new baby and a DD with a vicous horrid - deep chesty cough. I am ABSOLUTY FURIOUS. Children do.....pick up things from play grounds - from school, from toddler groups - from being out and about - they do always come down with thinsg - HOW many things do they have to come down with to have a good immune system? They will pick things up - so why increase the chances of it unnnecasrily?

He then commented on her nasty cough when they next saw her when i said " yes - of course she has a cough - after sharing your ice cream and your germs last week" - he said na na. HIs wife said he didnt have a cough. Then a few mins later he said he had been using DD calpol as it was really effective esp with this nasty cough he has had for 6 weeks. My DD has been up all night chocking with this cough - being sick - changing bloody bedding - in the middle of the night - then seeing to new born.

My DB then practically grabbed my NB and breathed his germs all over her - touching fingers - touching her face even though its INFLAMED with milk spots and I told him not too.

Some people OP - within the family or without are stupid and selfish.

At this time of year with all sorts of nasty bugs going round - I think your well within your rights to ask the general public to exorsie some restraint and hold back thier own instincts and emotions for the sake of the baby!!!

If it was summer - a little more ok id say to reach in to new babies....but not in winter.

with DD 1 we had ALL SORTS reaching right into the pram and manhandling her.

How do you get a baby's permission lol

Babies are quite clear if they don't like something! Generally it is the mother with the problem. It is much better for the baby to be social than live in a bubble.

YANBU if your baby is very young. While a cold is not the end of the world, it is still unpleasant for both you and the baby so there is no reason for strangers to give him one. I was not happy about strangers touching DD for no reasons when she was younger (let's say newborn to 4 months) and would not touch other people's young babies.

Alien you put your hand out and observe the reaction. If the dog/cat moves away from you, growls/swipes at your hand, or appears to be uncomfortable, do not touch. If the dog sniffs/licks your hand, lowers its head, or the cat rubs against your hand, go ahead and touch. It's is very good practice to ask permission of the animal before touching it and a very good idea to teach children to approach animals this way and move away if the signals are negative.

OP, you have my sympathies if you have a tiny baby. They're not toys. I find the whole ' give me a go on your baby' thing odd. But that's me.

I think the immunity stuff is a good point but probably better to do after, say, 3 months. When mine had to be hospitalized with a bug when she was ten days old, the paediatricians said that they don't like to see any infections under that 3 month mark. I know they don't mean snuffles, but you can't tell in advance whether someone has a small cold, d and v or some other bug.

What about the people who try to wake them? Oh dear god.

But having a stranger touch your baby in passing isnt making the baby social. Taking the baby to play groups and playing with other people makes it social. having a stranger touch a 3 or a 6yr old doesnt help with the child's social development does it, so how does it help a newborn.
You say babies have a way of communicating if they arent happy. Yes, crying. could be a perfectly happy, settled baby, then some strangers big cold hand reaches to them and disturbs them and they are no longer happy and settled. All it takes is a quick second do you mind to the adult and you can say sure, feel away and i can decide there and then if i want you to.

make the most of it OP, when you have a snot covered whinging/screaming toddler you'll miss the days when strangers liked your LOs presence!

and how do you think babies no 2,3,4,5.. survive when they're mauled by their filthy older siblings and all the other kids at the school gates?

"with DD 1 we had ALL SORTS reaching right into the pram and manhandling her. "

ALMOST HOMELESS BIG ISSUE SELLERS COVERED IN POO PARTICLES!!!!!!!

Why are babies fair game?

Because they are babies! There are lots of things I'd do to/with a baby wouldn't do with an adult or older child.