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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish people wouldn't hold my baby's hands

186 replies

anicegreentea · 19/11/2012 11:44

especially at this bug ridden time of year.
I keep telling myself not to be uptight and just go with the flow. You can't stop people cooing over cute babies.
But yesterday lady in department store came over to talk to him, holding both hands for ages. Then he grabbed her pen which she thought was cute/funny. I didn't say anything - what can you say anyway?!
Today he has vomiting, temperature, runny nose. I know it might not have been from this lady, but also It might have been!
Also had uncomfortable incident when an old lady who looked almost homeless did something similar in marks and spencers a few months ago.
Do these things annoy anyone else?!

OP posts:
Original poster
anicegreentea · 19/11/2012 13:19

Perhaps those of you who think spreading germs is so important should write to Nhs ad tell them their flu season advert is incorrect.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 19/11/2012 13:20

Yabvvvu how sad. Just stay at home much better

missymoomoomee · 19/11/2012 13:22

Op why ask if YABU if you weren't willing to accept the possibility that people might think YABU? You are obviously only taking on board what you want to hear.

doyouwantfrieswiththat · 19/11/2012 13:22

I used to worry about touching other peoples babies because of this, my own seem to like licking post boxes & drinking from puddles so I don't worry about them so much.

Sokmonsta · 19/11/2012 13:23

YANBU. I had twins 4 weeks prem, so not a lot by any stretch of the imagination. But they were teeny. It's a parents instinct to want to protect baby. I did use the rain cover when we went out initially. Thankfully it was on damp/windy days so easier to justify. Over the summer I got a shade a babe sunshade. Goes over the pushchair like a raincover. Again, problem solved.

I'm normally a rational person and with the twins being number 3&4, I fully endorse children needing contact with nasties to build up their own immunity. But there is such thing as too much.

On Saturday I had to take dtd into the pharmacy with me to pick up her medicine. She is quite clearly smothered in chickenpox, still has them coming up and not scabbed over. I didn't have a choice but to take her in as I was alone, on my way home from the hospital with her and damned if I was going to drive past it on my way home to drive half an hour back and then home again. Anyway, I had to tell everyone who approached that she was contagious as the first thing they want to do is touch her gorgeous curls.

You could always tell people baby is just getting over D&V and see how swiftly they move away Grin.

WileyRoadRunner · 19/11/2012 13:23

How old is the OP's baby?

WileyRoadRunner · 19/11/2012 13:24

doyouwantfries Grin

Mrsjay · 19/11/2012 13:26

put gloves on him or just wipe his hands afterwards people love babies and there little hands and fingers sometimes they cant help being tactile, I hope your baby is better soon

Mrsjay · 19/11/2012 13:28

Oh ive noticed pram covering too i assumed the baby was asleep and the parents wanted to protect their eyes or 'something' is it so nobody can see them and touch them ?

Pagwatch · 19/11/2012 13:31

The urge to touch a baby is natural and healthy. The fact that strngers are hard wired to feel affectionate and protective towards your child is good in societal terms. A baby is supremely vulnerable. Society valuing them is good.

But by all means lets stamp this out. Let's get mothers and fathers telling strangers to fuck off and let's wipe them down with anti-bacterial cloths if a stranger comes too close.
Then let's enjoy how often strangers want to help with buggies, have babies next to them in restaurants, on planes - lets see how that lost toddler in the shopping centre gets on.
Let's just keep all human contact to a minimum. It's for the best.

BornToFolk · 19/11/2012 13:33

I think it's disgusting the way strangers want to touch babies

Disgusting? Really?! I love touching babies, squidgy little cheeks and fluffy hair - why wouldn't you want to hold their hands or stroke their heads?

I wouldn't touch a stranger's baby after reading threads like these but I would certainly want to (well, the cute ones anyway!) and I really don't think it's disgusting...

5dcsinneedofacleaner · 19/11/2012 13:39

actually I dont think you are being unreasonable. I dont really like it either and I dont feel like I am overprotective generally. I generally just try to avoid it (gloves on baby or raincover etc) but sometimes you just have to grin and bear it. Its not that i mind people in general paying attention to my children or talking to them etc no problem with that it IS just the dirty hands thing - I have seen people blow their noses put the tissue in their pockets then starting stroking my babies heads which i just think is hideous.

Rosie55 · 19/11/2012 13:40

YANBU. I'd hate it as an adult if a stranger touched my hand or face, so don't find it surprising that the OP doesn't like the idea of someone touching her baby without asking.

Everlong · 19/11/2012 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justforlaughs · 19/11/2012 13:44

Wow, loving the two totally different camps on this thread! Grin

I used to use a sheet over my babies pram so they could sleep without being in the sun/ me spending hours readjusting the sunshade every 2 minutes, nothing to do with people touching them.

I also didn't like people touching my babies when there is no need to do so.

I still tell my children to stay away from each other if they aren't well. by "staying away from each other", I mean "don't cuddle" not "don't be in the same room")
I have 5 children and so far I've never had more than 2 of them with the same bug at the same time.

What's wrong with people asking if the mother minds if they touch their baby? I'd be most Confused if someone wanted to hold MY hand.
Don't get me started on people touching pregnant womens stomachs - yuck!

OP, if it really bothers you a few red spots painted on should do the trick Wink

LimeLeafLizard · 19/11/2012 13:49

YANBU. There is no need for strangers to touch a baby - it is purely for their own pleasure.

If your baby has had his first imms, and is otherwise healthy, I don't think germs are a big risk, but nonetheless, why run any risk of having a sick baby?

I am pg with DC4, and expect this baby will pick up all the germs she needs to build up her immunity from her grubby brothers, so no need for passers by sticking their nose - or hands - in my pram.

It is a shame that you mentioned homeless people though, as it comes across as a bit snobby.

PeppermintPasty · 19/11/2012 14:03

But where's the harm in it LimeLeaf ? It might be for pleasure, actually of course it is, but it's quite a natural reaction, and a very good sign of normality in my book.

The germ argument is rubbish, as other posters have said, they are all around us etc etc.

The posters I agree with on this point are those with babies who have been/are poorly/early etc, but surely you would firmly tell people that you would prefer it if they didn't get too close. I would, if my baby was on its first jaunt out of intensive care or whatever.

I think to say its disgusting, as some have said, is frankly, bizarre. Joy is a precious thing.

Abra1d · 19/11/2012 14:08

I've never heard of people deliberately covering up prams and pushchairs so that people couldn't look at them before! Bizarre.

LimeLeafLizard · 19/11/2012 14:09

Most of the time, if the baby is healthy, there isn't any 'harm' in it.

But where is the harm in touching a pregnant woman's belly?

Where is the harm in a man grabbing your arse if he likes the look of you?

It doesn't have to cause an actual problem to be irritating... Some people don't like to be touched. Some people don't like their babies to be touched. And if they feel like this, why can't they at least WISH (the word used in the OP) that it doesn't happen?

TheBlackPanther · 19/11/2012 14:14

i find people cooing over my kids a big compliment, perhaps your child brings back fond memories for the lady when she perhaps had some? dont be too hasty, you may do it yourself one day when your kids are all grown up and flown the nest.

squoosh · 19/11/2012 14:14

Where is the harm in a man grabbing your arse if he likes the look of you?

Equating an unsolicited grope with someone giving a finger for a baby to grab makes you sound unhinged.

PeppermintPasty · 19/11/2012 14:16

Er, there's plenty of harm in a man grabbing your arse!! You can't seriously compare the two. And I always ask before touching a friend's pregnant belly.

If some people don't like to be touched, it's hardly going to be a baby's issue is it, it will be the parent's issue.

As for the OP, she can wish for what she likes, but she has posted on an open forum, presumably to canvass opinion.

BonaDea · 19/11/2012 14:17

What squoosh said.

PeazlyPops · 19/11/2012 14:38

YANBU, some people forget that a baby is another person and not a play thing!

InNeedOfBrandy · 19/11/2012 14:39

Of course it's not rubbish that germs live on hands! Why do you think there is so many posters up in hospitals saying now please wash your hands and antibac gel placed everywhere.

Why do you think they have so many adverts saying catch it bin it wash it to stop spreading germs!

There was a thread a few months back linking to a survey saying Brits only 40%(or something can't quite remember) wash their hands after going to the loo.

No I wouldn't want random particles of poo touching my babies hands which they then put in their mouth.

Hands carry the most germs, there is more germs under your nails then on a public toilet seat, if you wouldn't wipe your babies cheeks over a public toilet seat then why would you have dirty hands with even more bacteria and germs touch them.