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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Locked out of DH's garage

614 replies

auroramusisamica · 18/11/2012 22:16

Am silently fuming as DH has converted our garage into his 'studio' and refuses to give me a key. It has been about a year now and I didn't think much of it first, we agreed it was his place to work, is filled with his things and I had no desire to go in there.
However it has been dawning on me that I don't like being locked out of part of my house. There have been occasions when I wanted to access things (like blank DVDs or paint brushes) and couldn't get them.

I do go in there with him but I have asked for a key, several times over the last few months and he says I don't need one, it is just his stuff, he doesn't want me in there going through things etc.

If he had just given me one first I would have no interest but now it has become this big issue and his refusal is making me want to go through it (which is not like me, I know he has porn there & I don't mind, but he knows I know this so must be something else right?)

So AIBU to want a key, surely if he had nothing to hide he would just give me one?

OP posts:
tisnottheseasonyet · 26/11/2012 21:04

Welcome to mumsnet, rubber necking is the reason most are here.

tisnottheseasonyet · 26/11/2012 21:04

Well, that and splitting couples up.

OneWellAndTrulyCrackeredMummy · 26/11/2012 21:09

Christ this is a long thread, apologies but I've only covered a third or so of it before giving up.

I reckon its drugs, easily hidden in a drawer. But whatever it is, of course the OP can go in & out while he's there as he still has control over how close she gets to them! Its if she goes in without him watching that 'unsafe'.

OP I would do what somebody upthread said, run him a bath & make a copy of the key while he's in the bath. Get a bar of soap & a lighter, heat key up until its warm then put it on a level surface, push soap on top of it until its flush then wipe & replace key. Later fill in the key shape with wax or plaster of paris & take it to the key copy shop.

lovebunny · 26/11/2012 21:34

he's up to something. you need to sneak the key and find out what. but pack first. and get all your documents and evidence of his income etc.

Jux · 26/11/2012 21:40

RTBT.

lovebunny · 26/11/2012 21:42

are you joking? 21 pages? stop posting if you don't want people to comment. let it die.

Mendeleyev · 26/11/2012 21:52

Bloody hell. Just saw this in active and thought there may be an ending. And there's not! Grin

MrsjREwing · 26/11/2012 23:08

I would wait till after Christmas to deal with this OP, it will not end well. Prepare in the mean time, paperwork at Parents, tell no one until you are ready to deal with the issue.

A locked room with camera's on it is protecting a marriage wrecking secret.

I was married to a secretive man, no point talking to them.

LilllyLovesLife · 27/11/2012 09:13

Flow4 "So many people were obviously hoping that her life was about to fall apart... Why would she expose herself to that again?"

No, it's not that we are HOPING her life is falling apart, I personally am just hoping she isn't being a mug and ignoring this or talking to him, giving him more chance to hide it. We have pretty much all agreed there is something really dodgy going on - so why should she have to live like that? Surely it's better just to get in there, find whatever it is and start dealing with it? Instead of ignoring it or giving him warning. If she doesn't act now, how will she feel when it does all come out? Maybe when the police turn up? Or when one of her children find something out? Surely anybody would want to get this sorted asap? If it was my OH it would of been sorted the day I Thought it was dodgy. If it's something that will make her wish he wasn't around her children all this time - she is going to be feeling pretty bad if she does nothing.

flow4 · 27/11/2012 11:12

We'll have to agree to differ, Lillly, because to my mind we haven't "pretty much all agreed there is something really dodgy going on", and I think the OP is wise to handle this situation carefully and thoughtfully.

LilllyLovesLife · 27/11/2012 12:19

OK, so if you found out your next door neighbour was a child abuser or something (not saying he is, but he could be, and this is how they get away with it), and your children had been round their house. You wouldn't think anything of his wife saying she didn't check, despite hundreds of people saying it needs checking out? She thought she may as well just leave him to it so she can avoid an argument?

flow4 · 27/11/2012 17:14

Oh for goodness sake. I can think of many possible explanations for the OP's husband's behaviour, and all of them are very, very much more likely than him being a child abuser and her not knowing.

To be perfectly honest, I am amazed at the conclusions people are jumping to, on the basis of just a few details...

Imagine this is your husband: you have lived with him for years, shared your lives, had children with him, made love, spent countless hours talking to him and hanging out with him, and generally have a good relationship. One day, you decide he's being a bit of an arse not giving you the key to his den, but you come on MN to see if others agree. Suddenly, a bunch of total strangers who have never met you or your husband decide he's a paedophile and advise you to break into his den and hack his computer.

Would you (a) decide that the internet strangers know your husband better than you and take immediate action to end your marriage; or (b) conclude that some sort of collective hysteria had kicked in, and go and get on with your life?

I know which I'd do.

Jux · 27/11/2012 18:10

Agree, as ever, flow Grin

echt · 27/11/2012 19:04

"Bit of an arse"?

OP's own words: "silently fuming"; "I don't like being locked out"; "big issue"; "refusal" and "if he had nothing to hide he would just give me one?"

She's made her own level of disquiet and his intransigence clear AND posted it in AIBU for the benefit of "internet strangers", so not quite sure where this rather snotty attitude of yours has its basis, flow4. The OP herself doesn't seem to be taking the advice/opinions as impertinent, so why should you?

Pictureperfect · 28/11/2012 06:14

With hacking the computer I found an iPad app (I was on a review blog) that is to keep women out. If someone tries to crack the password it lets them think they have been successful, takes a photo of the person using it and signs them into a fake area of the phone so they can see things but all the things they aren't meant to see are hidden).

It makes me so sad such things even exist. I hope the OP does decide to do something, not for us but for herself, it can't be nice living with such secrecy

GoldenAutumn · 29/11/2012 10:05

What Flow said.

MrsjREwing · 01/12/2012 12:22

Did you get the garage keys OP?

Voiceofthevoiceless · 01/12/2012 12:35

So because your husband doesn't want you snooping around his work space your going to file for divorce? oh ffs this cannot be serious!
Maybe he's got bodies in there!!!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/12/2012 12:36

OP isn't filing for divorce...where did you see that ?

Pendipidy · 01/12/2012 12:58

I have a great idea that is perfectly plausible to use. Tell him your lap top is broken. A program won't work, or it won't save. Or take it to work, then "forget" and leave it there. That way he can't check it and you can say someone at work fixed it and bring it home again after. Then ask if you can use his computer.

How could he reasonably say no? If he says no, ask why? He can have no reason to justify it. Just before he is due to go out, ask him if you can use it. Then you have time to to look. If he still insists no, then i think you need to push that conversation further and ask why. You can tell him you find it mighty suspicious and he needs to put your mind at rest. If he chooses not to do that, then....i think you need to rethink what you are going to do with your relationship, and tell him that. Then he knows you are serious and how important it is to you that he is obviously hiding something. If he chooses to let that happen....he has obviously got something bad to hide....

BluelightsAndSirens · 01/12/2012 13:27

What a roller coaster of opinions thread!

Pen's advice is sensible and plausible, my DH uses his phone to email etc but if he wants to read something long he jumps on MY computer and I have no issue with this because I have nothing to hide.

I hope the op has had an opportunity to talk to her DH.

WildWorld2004 · 01/12/2012 13:46

I really hope that OP is ok. She was probably a bit overwhelmed by the some of the suggestions.

CaptainVonTrapp · 01/12/2012 22:46

snooping around his workspace

Surely you mean - getting things she needs from a room in her house

Or do you have rooms in your house you aren't allowed to use voice?

quietlysuggests · 03/12/2012 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabysPointlessPocket · 21/12/2012 17:05

Did you find out what he was hiding Op?

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