to consider sleeping in the living room on a permanent basis?

[aamia]

DH is a very light sleeper who won't wear ear plugs as he needs to hear his alarm. He's waking every time DS wakes for a feed and isn't going back to sleep till DS does. So he's never getting more than an hour and a half of sleep at once. This is making him tired, irritable and he is losing interest in wanting to spend any time with his son at all. Won't hold him or play with him or anything unless I prompt it, where he used to love being a dad when DS was born. It's horrible and I just want him to enjoy being a dad again. If I slept with DS in the living room then DH would get some sleep. DH doesn't want me to but I don't see any other option tbh. Might get a double futon though as cosleep and not much room on our single.

It's not usual in this house.

Neither DH nor I want to sleep separately, even when our babies are small.

He doesn't ignore them.

This bloke is the one that has lost interest in his baby, yes ?

Wouldn't you be better on your own ?

I agree with all that other posters have said on here, there are a couple of options:

1. He wears ear plugs, stays in the bed and puts his phone alarm on vibrate under his pillow
2. He goes on the futon and you get the bed
3. Go to the Dr and check for depression...men get PND too I think?

My DH spent many nights in the spare bed or on the sofa when the baby wouldn't settle and he had work the next day. He also spent many nights in our bed winding, settling baby when he didn't have work the next day.
Both of us suffered from massive sleep deprivation but we were both able to interact with our son. What you say about not wanting to hold or play with baby is ringing alarm bells here. New sleeping arrangements are needed and also a trip to doctor.

Could someone point me in the direction of earplugs so wonderful that a light sleeper wouldn´t hear the alarm??

ah anyfucker, as helpful as ever, LTB!!!!

OP whatever happens he should address his depression, and he should go on the futon and get some kip as clearly he is not coping

FPTB, I am simply asking the Op to consider her relationship

is it meeting her needs ?

it seems an entirely reasonable question to ask herself in the light of her selfish partner's behaviour

I certainly wouldn't want an example of such a male role model for my own children, nor would many other women

It looks like there is a wider problem here, isn't there? Your DP has 'lost interest' in the baby, and it sounds a bit like you are clutching at straws to figure out what might be the problem. The thing is, no one gets any decent sleep when there is a baby in the house. Being 'tired' is not an excuse at all. Everyone is tired with a newborn.

It is one thing to consider sleeping in separate beds for a while to make co-sleeping/bf easier, but completely another thing for you and your baby to be essentially kicked out of the bedrooms so that your DP can get some sleep, which is what your DP is doing if he agrees with your suggestion (as opposed to offering to sleep down there himself). It would almost be like your DP is marginalising you and your baby, and you are facilitating that - so he gets to carry on his life as if there isn't a baby in the house

I know this is probably not what you want to hear but there does seem to be so much else going on. Do you have anyone you could go and stay with? I'm sure it sounds drastic but you have mentioned on a few threads (huge apologies for doing this, I know it's frowned on but your name rang a bell and had me thinking there was more to this than meets the eye) that your DP is withdrawing form the baby and it sounds like he needs a shock to the system to get him to realise what he is doing, and either man up a bit, or see the GP if he is suffering from depression.

Your partner is selfish. He is using "disturbed" sleep as an excuse to ignore his child.

He does not want ear plugs, he does not want to sleep elsewhere. I bet he is quite happy to blame baby and you on his lack of care towards his baby.

Going off present behaviour (and yes, I have looked at your other post), this man sounds like the type to fuck another woman and blame you for being "too wrapped up in the baby"

Sorry about that, but it's the mindset they have.

I don't think its unreasonable to try to sort out the sleep problem before taking further action particularly as there is a new born in the equation.

I struggled with lack of sleep when DS was a newborn, I went to bed at 8.30pm each night - I don't believe I was suffering from depression, I was just bloody tired.

Yes the DH should be the one to volunteer to sleep on the futon, it has perhaps not occurred to him that he is not being gentlemany in doing this but I often find that lack of sleep means that I don't see the obvious actions as clearly as I should.

If, after a few nights of this the DH is still grumpy, going to bed at 7.30pm and not interacting with the baby, then yes it is deeper than the sleeping, but at this point its a bit early to be pointing all these fingers at him.

Oh and diddl I use the Boots muffle wax earplugs. Work wonderfully well to block out background noise but I still hear the alarm when its time to wake up. Earplugs do take a bit of getting used too but they are a great help if you are a light sleeper. In this case though I now think it would do both partners more benefit to sleep separately at least a couple of nights a week and maybe try earplugs for the other nights.

SirBoobAlot
He should be the one sleeping on the sofa, FFS.

No, no-one should sleep on a sofa long term.
If it's a futon, different deal, they're fine for sleeping on.

You know it really gets on my wick all these poor blokes struggling with limited sleep, and we as women feeling like we then have to take care of them as well.

Yeah, know what you mean . XW was 6 months off with each of our kids; I did all the night feeds for DC1 and most for DC2. I took a fortnight off work for DC1 and the same for DC2

Everyone deals with things differently; but it's his job to manage his sleep, not OPs. How's co-sleeping working for you? I ended up doing it a few times by accident...

First of all, yes he could do with growing up a bit, but he isn't thoughtless and selfish all the time. His dad was a rubbish role model and there can be an element of trying too hard. So saying he is fine and refusing to admit there is a problem when there clearly is. I have spent a few nights on the futon and it has helped with his tiredness and demeanour. Hence considering it more often.

Depression has crossed my mind. It would fit but will not be helped by lack of sleep so that is one place to start and maybe Dr after.

Would just like to say please don't make him use earplugs if co-sleeping. They are are a choking risk.

as DH can now see the benefit of sometimes sleeping separately so he can get more sleep, as he offered to sleep on the futon instead of you?