to consider sleeping in the living room on a permanent basis?

[aamia]

DH is a very light sleeper who won't wear ear plugs as he needs to hear his alarm. He's waking every time DS wakes for a feed and isn't going back to sleep till DS does. So he's never getting more than an hour and a half of sleep at once. This is making him tired, irritable and he is losing interest in wanting to spend any time with his son at all. Won't hold him or play with him or anything unless I prompt it, where he used to love being a dad when DS was born. It's horrible and I just want him to enjoy being a dad again. If I slept with DS in the living room then DH would get some sleep. DH doesn't want me to but I don't see any other option tbh. Might get a double futon though as cosleep and not much room on our single.

How do you know he would interact more with his son if you slept in the front room? I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you're putting it down to sleep, and you don't know that's what's doing it.

Have you asked him why he's not interacting with you LO?

Ah, now its been pointed out that my idea is clearly genius everbody jumps in there

Are you BFing?

I don't understand, you are waking and feeding baby, so you are not sleeping any better than he is, but you still have to look after the baby all day. Buy him some ear plugs and tell him you'll wake him for work. You shouldn't sleep anywhere except the bed.

He is choosing to ignore his son in the evening.

Where you and the baby sleep has nothing to do with it.

Sort the real problem.

Yes I'm bfing. And I know it might not fix things but DH is honestly tired and a little irritable with it so worth a try.

Jack - I thought it was so genius I repeated it twice in case OP had missed just how genius it was

Agree. You are managing not to be a grumpy arse on little sleep, why does he get afforded that indulgence?

Yy, SirBoob

Your poor DH master of the house

Sorry, that was snarky.

Get him to wear the earplugs and say you'll wake him.

No, it's not worth a try.

What would be worth a try is him growing the fuck up.

Ghoul

I wear earplugs every night, the sound of a loud alarm gets through them. If it doesn't, DH wakes me up to tell me to turn it the hell off. Your DH can do the same. If not, the futon is his.

Are you not tired too with all of the getting up? Yes, of course you are. Do you ignore your LO in the evenings because you're tired? No, didn't think so.

Just to add to the chorus of voices - your DH should be on the sofa. I have exactly this problem and there is not a cat in hell's chance that my DH would let me and our DD sleep downstairs - we get the bed. If he wants undisturbed sleep he sleeps on our sofa.

Oh and also some blokes don't interact with their babies because they find them a bit well um boring. I have to say I much prefer the older stage and I'm a woman.

Give your DH a job to do - make him responsible for doing bath time in the evening, go out for a wee while at weekends ( I know its hard when b'feeding but even a half hour walk is good) and leave him to it.

It is hard to get the sleeping sorted, I know I agonised about DH going into the spare room, but really it was the way forward. Just tell your DH that he needs to go on the futon for a few nights - say that you are finding it hard to get back to sleep with him tossing around rather than making it about his comfort and convenience and see how it goes.

Never mind the sleeping arrangements, try reading him the riot act. He has a baby now. Life is not like it was before and refusing to participate in family life because things aren't going his way for anything more than a few days would be untenable for me.

It annoyed me to read of you getting up lots in the night to feed OP, and then hearing of your man: "he won't..".

He needs to support you and the baby now and stop sulking.

Hang on - the OP hasn't said her DH has suggested she sleep on the sofa, that's her suggestion to hopefully stop him being so grumpy.

He does need to suck it up and stop being such a misery though

Surely he should be going to the living room? That is what happens here if DS2 is having a bad night and DH is desperate to get sleep to be able to function at work.

Right I've read the thread now.

He is being a twat.

You cannot make him be a good father, he has to decide to do that on his own. If he isn't getting enough sleep, then it is up to him to take steps to ensure that happens.
What about an alarm that vibrates?

I used to sleep on sofa with baby in moses basket. DH got the bed as his job involved a lot of driving and I was terrified he would fall asleep and crash if he didn't get his sleep. I could easily catch up during the day as I was SAHM at the time.

Awww poor dh. He needs his sleep. Nevermind op is exhausted and that he has a baby that doesn't understand why his father resents him just for waking up like every baby does.

Aww bless. Better let him have the bed.

(Grrrr).

What's his suggestion for improving the situation, then? Because if he can't come up with one and is refusing to accept yours, then he's enjoying his martyrdom and using it as an excuse to get out of doing any domestic work or parenting. He's got you scurrying around feeling guilty and concentrating on him rather than your baby or yourself. It sounds like he needs a swift kick in the cock.

I think it's different if the other person drives for a living/is a surgeon/astronaut/other demanding job.

I didn't BF, and DP did every other feed. He worked full time (though he didn't have to drive to work) but I had PND and was extremely grateful that I had a DP that saw parenting as an equal thing. If I'd had to do every single feed with a baby that woke every 2 hours until 16mo then I would have been a complete basketcase.

He's tired, so what. He needs to suck it up.