to consider sleeping in the living room on a permanent basis?

[aamia]

DH is a very light sleeper who won't wear ear plugs as he needs to hear his alarm. He's waking every time DS wakes for a feed and isn't going back to sleep till DS does. So he's never getting more than an hour and a half of sleep at once. This is making him tired, irritable and he is losing interest in wanting to spend any time with his son at all. Won't hold him or play with him or anything unless I prompt it, where he used to love being a dad when DS was born. It's horrible and I just want him to enjoy being a dad again. If I slept with DS in the living room then DH would get some sleep. DH doesn't want me to but I don't see any other option tbh. Might get a double futon though as cosleep and not much room on our single.

One of you needs a good night's sleep from time to time. Night each in the living room and the third together.

Do you think your DH might be feeling a bit edged out by the baby and might feel he needs you to hug.

...and never mind anything else, but it's a terrible precident to set IMO.

An literally shocked that any husband would allow their wife and baby son to sleep on the sofa whilst they took the bed.

Am also shocked that your husband won't interact with your son as he is 'too tired'. It's pathetic and to be honest worrying.

Have always found that the first night with my 3 is hideous - all they want is to feed and cuddle (and having been in labour, I just want to sleep) but always send DH to sleep in the spare room - someone has to be half decent in the morning.
This carried on with all of them. DH would sleep in spare room probably Mon-Thurs nights when they were tiny tiny. As they got bigger, didn't need nappy changes etc, just feeding, then spent more time back in our bedroom.
Our deal was that I did the nights and he does the mornings. Ie takes fed baby if awake and other children and starts breakfast etc while I get 30-45 mins uninterrupted sleep.
Send your DH to the living room - my DH took convincing at first as he felt he was abandoning me. I explained that I worried about him driving tired, plus needed him fresh to do the mornings.

Very good point katie - DP would rather have slept in the garden than have me sleep on the sofa with DS.

I would try to convince him to wear ear plugs. I wear them every night and while they do block out any noise from DH or DS waking up, I can definitely hear my alarm.

If they work for him then that's the problem solved with a minimum of fuss.

If he won't do anything to improve his sleep, but continues to be grumpy and not interact with his son, then you do really need to read him the riot act.

I have a lot of sympathy, we went a bit crazy from sleep deprivation ourselves, but that meant we were willing to try anything, not refuse to make any changes.

Me and dh haven't had an unbroken night for 21 months.
We manage to still interact with the cause if this because despite her failure to sleep she is very cute and we are rather fond men suffer no more from lack of sleep than us females op.

My DH has slept on a sofa bed in the living room for several years now. We both snore, and are big fat so the bed just wasn't big enough, and neither of us was getting enough sleep, even after our youngest DC slept through.
DHs job is very physical and dangerous and I worried about him having an accident too, so we got the best, sturdiest sofa bed we could afford and now we both get to sleep.
It has actually improved our sex life a bit too - with having to "make the effort" and one of us has to sneak to the other we know we think it's worth it so to speak and isn't just "because we're there".

You do realise plenty of people manage to be good parents AND are dog tired.

He won't sleep in the living room on the futon. Says he is fine.

The cheeky git, tell him it's not all about whether he is fine, it's about you and the baby There is nothing worse than a huffing martyr in the bed while you are trying to feed and settle a baby at night.

Kick is sorry arse downstairs and tell him you are not fine due to his selfish carry on and he can continue to be fine down in the living room.

He's waking every time DS wakes for a feed and isn't going back to sleep till DS does. So he's never getting more than an hour and a half of sleep at once. I read this and was very confused. Surely, you are also not getting more than an hour and a half of sleep at once. So, the solution to you both not getting more than an hour and a half of sleep at once is for you (two people - mother and baby) to move to a single futon.

I don't fully wake up as bf so DS shimmies over in my direction, I latch him on and go back to sleep. I'm tired but not falling asleep by seven thirty pm like he is. Probably wake up fully once for a nappy change.

Tell him to stop being such a cock!

He needs to pull himself together, sleep in the living room, and stop opting out of parenting in the evenings.

Then he just needs earplugs! Seriously don't make this a huge thing.

Just don't go and camp on the sofa.

I don't think he's being a cock, he just wants to sleep (dont we all).

He can sleep though - but he is refusing to, and then claiming to be too tired to be a reasonable father.

You really shouldn't co-sleep on the sofa, in that case.

Did I miss why he can't use ear plugs?

Surely he can't use earplugs because op is bf the baby lying down in bed? Perhaps this also explains why he's not sleeping until baby's finished feeding? Is he worried about squashing baby? I'm all in favour of bed sharing for bf by the way (provided all risk factors absent). Dc4 is 3 months and here dh sleeps downstairs on the futon. Probably will until baby is around 6 months. We have a well-honed arrangement after all these dcs .

Do whatever works, but don't sleep on a sofa and do make sure you and baby are safe and comfy.

He's a tosser.
You're a martyr.

Earplugs and a shake awake vibrating alarm clock.

Seriously, I've used earplugs and an alarm before, the two are compatible!

I think its unfair to ask two people (or one and a half!) to shift to a single futon instead of the bed. He could try the ear plugs, he could try the futon downstairs, he just doesn't want to.

And being tired isn't an excuse for not paying attention to your own child, sorry. Wha would he do if he were a single father with no choice?

DH should wear earplugs and for an alarm set his mobile phone to alarm on "vibrate" setting and sleep with the phone inside his pillowcase - he will wake up fine earplugs or not.

7.30pm is extremely early to be going to sleep.

Are you sure there's nothing actually wrong with your DH?

From what you describe you're both getting equal amounts of sleep ( well I understand the dozing while feeding thing but probably DH is dozing a bit too) and yet, you're interacting normally with your child, staying awake to a reasonable time etc.

He's falling asleep at a child's bedtime, and being grumpy and unreasonable with you both, look he sounds at the least depressed.

I think you should suggest he sees his doctor, though from the sound of it he probably won't. Could something else be wrong - trouble at work, physical illness? That he doesn't want to share with you?

I'm just baffled by his behaviour tbh. No one falls asleep that early.

Well I stayed up last night then dozed on the sofa with DS safely in his moses basket until about two am. DH had six straight hours of sleep so it will be interesting to see what he is like this evening. I will point out that it appears usual for dads to sleep elsewhere until baby is sleeping for longer periods in the night.