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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be royally fucked off with DP?

59 replies

BunnyLeBOOwski · 18/11/2012 18:09

I bought him a very naice jumper last xmas. Was expensive (for me) and he loved it. A few months ago I noticed it had gone missing.

He swore blind it was at his Dad's and promised to get it next time he visited. He went and came back without it and was pissy with me when I brought it up Hmm

So he just got back from latest visit and hey fucking presto it's not at his Dad's. His only defence was that he's not usually careless. He is. He left his new Kindle on the bus earlier this year Hmm

His Dad bought him a new coat this weekend which I struggled to muster much enthusiasm over, given Jumpergate. When pushed my response was "My only thought is "Don't leave it on the train someday". Admittedly in a wholly rather sarcastic tone.

He bit my head off and is now huffing upstairs.

So which is it, Manchild or nagging fishwife? Your votes please.

OP posts:
joanbyers · 18/11/2012 18:11

Some people have poor organisational skills. I think you need to live with it, rather than try and beat him up about it.

Pretty bitchy comment about the coat tbh.

MrsBW · 18/11/2012 18:11

Did he apologise?

If he didn't and just stropped, YANBU

If he grovelled? Fishwife :)

mayorquimby · 18/11/2012 18:15

YABU
Well done for starting an unecessary argument though

mayorquimby · 18/11/2012 18:16

unnecessary

Yama · 18/11/2012 18:18

I was so confused because I misread and thought you had bought yourself a jumper.

Em ... not sure. Being absent minded is one of his character flaws I guess. Annoying. You were mean though. So, kiss and make up.

5Foot5 · 18/11/2012 18:20

YABU. Everyone can have these unfortunate mishaps. I have often felt exasperated at DH misplacing his wallet (though it has always turned up even the time he left it on a train and the time he left it in a phone box) but then I can't be too scathing because there have been a couple of occasions I have left my handbag somewhere and we have had to dash back for it.

He is not doing this just to spite you

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 18/11/2012 18:20

I would have been cross too.

joanbyers · 18/11/2012 18:22

As far as I can tell, yama, the OP lost the jumper months ago, confirmed that it was lost a month or so ago, and there isn't anything to kiss and make up about, the OP just randomly chose to bring it up because her DP's parents brought him a coat, and you know, coat/jumper, both clothing, let's rehash old fights.

ethelb · 18/11/2012 18:22

Actually I understand. My mum was a bit like this. My Dad would take us out every Christmas to choose a piece of jewellery for her. We would go to all the big department stores on London. To find a piece that matched the piece we had got her last Christmas. Every. Year.
Pissed me off that she was so careless tbh. My dad put a lot of effort in and I would have been v upset to lose something that had been so carefully chosen myself.

Original poster
BunnyLeBOOwski · 18/11/2012 18:22

No real apology.

I know it's trivial and I was mean but it just pisses me off that he lost something I spent time picking out for him. It's his birthday this week and to be honest I feel disinclined to buy him something really nice.

He's recently gone self-employed and is earning over twice what he used to. His laissez faire attitude is to just shrug it off and replace it without a thought.

I think it's a bloody waste of money no matter how much you earn.

OP posts:
joanbyers · 18/11/2012 18:23

Stuff is stuff. It can be replaced.

Pinkforever · 18/11/2012 18:24

You bought him a naice jumper-forgive me for being nosy but is your dp a lot older than you? I know your younge and pretty cos I had a nosey at your profile but really if someone gave me a jumper for xmas they would be lucky not to be strangled to death with it!

He probably tactfully "lost" it because it was minging but he didnt want to hurt your feelings...

Original poster
BunnyLeBOOwski · 18/11/2012 18:24

Erm don't think you could actually be more wrong there joan Hmm

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 18/11/2012 18:25

Wow you were quite mean! Definitely fishwife of the two choices.

Sounds fun in your house!

Original poster
BunnyLeBOOwski · 18/11/2012 18:26

Not a chance Pink.

He is rubbish at buying clothes and asks me to pick stuff out. We're not flash present types. Would both rather have practical stuff.

Also after 11 years I'm pretty sure of his tastes.

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 18/11/2012 18:27

Erm don't think you could actually be more wrong there joan

I agree with Joan and I don't get your response to her at all.Of course stuff is just stuff. It is never as important as people and relationships

scentednappyhag · 18/11/2012 18:29

I love getting jumpers pink, and there's nothing in the OP that makes it sound minging.
I'd be pretty pissed off too BOO, but I'd probably not make a massive deal about it, the damage has already been done.
Just don't buy him anything lose-able this year. I hear goats make fabulous presents

clam · 18/11/2012 18:29

Could it be that he just didn't like the jumper?

ForkInTheForeheid · 18/11/2012 18:30

YAB a bit U. I suspect he may have dragged out the admission that it was lost as he thought your reaction was likely to be particularly unfavourable. It was daft to lose it but ultimately an accident and I think you maybe need to let go a tad.

akaemmafrost · 18/11/2012 18:30

I would have said similar and agree with all you've said.

Original poster
BunnyLeBOOwski · 18/11/2012 18:33

Sigh. Maybe try reading her first post 5foot?

And Tidy, yes of course this one vignette gives you an all-encompassing insight into our relationship and home life Hmm

Ok. Looks like IABU. Off to flagellate myself accordingly.

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 18/11/2012 18:36

It's a jumper. A Jumper. May be he didn't tell you sooner because he knew how you would react.

Have you got children or teenagers OP?

So far this term dd has lost one jumper, one sweatshirt and one school blouse.

DS in a short space of time has been known to lose: phone, trainers, 3 oyster cards in quick succession, £10 note, rugby shirt, rugby socks, cricket helmet, cricket gloves (someone else's), cricket spikes, etc., etc., proably in about a 12 month period. Oh yes, and about 8 school books which we got a bill for for more than £100.

DH has lost: his glasses and his car keys this weekend. Found the car keys.

Come swap OP.

Original poster
BunnyLeBOOwski · 18/11/2012 18:38

Bloody ell! No ta married Smile

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 18/11/2012 18:39

I didn't say it did give me that insight. I just said it sounds fun. You can take it to that level if that's what you see....

Seriously though, bringing up something that happened a while ago is not great is it?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 18/11/2012 18:40

It would annoy me immensely if DH lost something expensive that I chose for him, but your DH must be a bit bothered by the fact he lost it himself, otherwise he wouldn't have got defensive the first time he got back from his dads. But it's done, you need to let it go. It's not something that's worth bad feeling over if he didn't do it on purpose.