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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to think dsd is lying re phone

19 replies

newyearnewattitude · 18/11/2012 10:17

Dsd age 17 ran up a £200+ phone bill in late night talks with her boyfriend over 1 week and as a result has a curfew of 10pm to hand over her phone

She uses the text function for status updates and comments on facebook....

Phone is supposedly switched off at 10 but on the orange account these texts are appearing at 10:30, 11:00. 00:30, 01:10...

I confronted her about this but she went crying to her dad that she wasn't texting late and that it must be the phone but it is supposedly switched off... These texts are on nights when I haven't actually hidden the phone....

AIBU to think dsd is lying? Dh says I am picking on her and being unfair, I think he is too soft.... The phone account is in my name... Aibu??

OP posts:
LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 18/11/2012 10:20

Yanbu - dd here plugs her phone in downstairs at 8pm as I think that's late enough

Your problem here is your dh not backing you up - he'd get short shrift from me.

Just say it doesn't matter who's right or wrong buy the phone will be downstairs with you at 10pm from now on.

It's your bill and your daft enough to have set it up without being constantly screwed over.

MadameCastafiore · 18/11/2012 10:23

I'd get the contract transferred into your dps name and then let them sort it out between them if he won't back you up.

ImperialBlether · 18/11/2012 10:25

Get your name off that account as fast as you can. Yes, of course she's lying and of course he should back you up, given the evidence is there for him to see.

Schlock · 18/11/2012 10:26

Who's name is the contract in? It can't be in her name because you have to be 18 to take out a contract. Both my teens phones are in my name and it just takes one quick call to O2 to block them if I need to (have done it several times as punishments as it's easier than taking the phone off them). It's easy to unblock too, when you decide to, just another quick call to the provider.

Of course she's lying about it, you have evidence!

Catsmamma · 18/11/2012 10:28

get your name off the phone, and set her up with a PAYG.

and if she does hand the phone over, make sure it has the sim card in it.

and make her pay you back! Or gift wrap the paid phone bill.

Actions have consequences!

YouSeveredHead · 18/11/2012 10:29

Then it will still happen when the phone is hidden, very easy to prove but your dh needs to get a grip

squeakytoy · 18/11/2012 10:40

Why not get her a contract that gives her unlimited text messages?

Chopchopbusybusy · 18/11/2012 10:45

I don't think at 17 you should be confiscating her phone but I do think you should change her contract.

GrimAndHumourless · 18/11/2012 10:48

yes do change phone contract, how long has it to run?

YANBU, she is old enough now to be responsible for her self at age 17.

Original poster
newyearnewattitude · 18/11/2012 10:52

It does have unlimited texts, the phone bill was late night phone calls of 2-3 hours after being specifically told she only had 13 mins left of talk time for a week (before this she had only used 15-30 mins of talk a month hence the deal with 100 mins) but she racked up 529 extra mins in one week....

She has been semi grounded until she gets a job to pay it back (loads of student jobs here) and the phone curfew is to atop late night texts etc so she can sleep and concentrate on her college stuff

I have told DP that tomorrow I am transferring it to him along with his which is still in my name....

OP posts:
Original poster
newyearnewattitude · 18/11/2012 10:53

It does have unlimited texts, the phone bill was late night phone calls of 2-3 hours after being specifically told she only had 13 mins left of talk time for a week (before this she had only used 15-30 mins of talk a month hence the deal with 100 mins) but she racked up 529 extra mins in one week....

She has been semi grounded until she gets a job to pay it back (loads of student jobs here) and the phone curfew is to atop late night texts etc so she can sleep and concentrate on her college stuff

I have told DP that tomorrow I am transferring it to him along with his which is still in my name....

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 18/11/2012 11:07

Is there no way that the call facility can be blocked once the limit has been reached? I am sure plenty of networks do that?

Gimblinginthewabe · 18/11/2012 11:10

My contract is capped so I can't go over without loading credit. Could you ring the provider and see if they do this? Then going over is up to her and she'll have to pay for it.

Gimblinginthewabe · 18/11/2012 11:12

Also, some networks have deals where you can ring someone from the same network for free, you might be able to change it to that.

saintmerryweather · 18/11/2012 11:12

i went £90 over my allowance by too much mumsnetting browsing one month so now my provider blocks internet access when ive reached my.limit. just ring them and ask!

IDontDoIroning · 18/11/2012 11:25

What phone is it? I've got an iPhone and ds has a galaxy android.
We've both got the Facebook apps installed.

As far as im aware Facebook messages, status updates etc bbm all use the network 3G or your wifi so its not texts as such.

Her Facebook account won't update itself for her wall and status if she's not logged in but other people's updates will send her notifications if she is their friends, and this will show on her page and in her notifications. My iPhone has these pop ups and I think the galaxy is similar. You don't have to access them immediately its just information..

So whose are the updates hers or others?

If they are her updates then she's on the phone, if they are her friends then she's not. BUT. The status notifications will show up until she's opened them though. So by checking the phone in the morning and looking at the status updates its easy to find out if she is on the phone after curfew or not. It's simple and your dp is an idiot if he can't work out he's being played .

Personally I think she's taking the piss out if you and your dp. If he can't face up to her shenanigans its his problem.

You are doing the right thing by getting the contract transferred to him and then I would leave him to it.

TheNebulousBoojum · 18/11/2012 11:27

I agree, the phone should be in his name, and when she gets to 18 it can be in her name. No reason for you to be involved if it is going to be a source of disagreement between you and OH.

amandine07 · 18/11/2012 11:37

I would transfer the account into a PAYG so she can pay for her own calls & texts, and begin to realise that you have to pay your way in life!

Original poster
newyearnewattitude · 18/11/2012 11:51

I'm not checking the phone, it's the orange online account stuff... Usage since last bill showing the texts to the facebook number at these times... She has a basic phone so it's texts coming in to say xyz has updated her facebook reply to comment and it's the comments that show up as texts. We turn off WiFi when we go to bed

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