WIU to knock this kid off his bike with my car?

[Unacceptable]

Ok first of all, I didn't. But I wanted to. I really, really wanted to and I'm horrified at how close I came to actually doing it.
I'm shocked at myself and think maybe I have issues and this was not a normal, reasonable or healthy thought.

Sorry but to give you the full facts this may be a bit long.

A few months ago I was driving home, running a little late for school pick up. I hate to park on the school road so I always park a few minutes walk away. To get to the car park you need to drive down a very long and narrow road, it only allows for one car to get through and so you often have to pull into a gap to let oncoming vehicles past.

As I turned the corner to go down this road there was a lad on a bike, riding no handed very, very slowly while texting. I should point out that while 2 cars cannot comfortably drive alongside past each other there is enough room to overtake a bicycle (it leads to a popular cycle route so this is very common). I hung back admittedly feeling a bit impatient and muttering to myself about lack of respect, upstart thinking he was king of the road but certain that he'd send his message or whatever before moving to let me overtake him.

He didn't so halfway down the road with an eye on the time I beeped my horn. He moved over.
Well I thought he was moving over to let me past.
He wasn't he was moving slightly over but not enough that I could safely pass him.
He stopped at the front of my car, spat on windscreen then came to side and used (I think) his phone to violently bang against my passenger window.
As he was banging his bike fell away from him and I sped off.
It terrified me. The look in his eyes was one of pure hatred and rage-I'm certain that if I hadn't been behind a glass window he'd have hurt me. I had my baby in the back seat on the passenger side and had visions of glass shattering over him. It really shook me up. I cried when a mum on the playground asked if I was ok.

I've seen this lad a few times since. He's old enough to have left school, I'd guess 17.

Last night when returning home I saw him on the pavement, on his bike. Again he was riding none handed and on his phone.

I was alongside and knew that we would arrive at the bottom of my road at the same time.

I knew he wouldn't check the traffic.

I knew that I could turn into the road and 'accidently' knock him off his bike.

He was wearing all black clothing, no lights on bike and it was very dark.

I even locked my car doors in anticipation of him jumping up from road to attack me.

As it was I hit my brakes as he glided past in front of my car without so much of a headturn to see the vehicle that was a second away from hitting him.

I'm disgusted to say I'm disappointed that I stopped. I've replayed the scenario over and over all night and kick myself for not hitting him! I have a son almost his age fgs! How can I have even considered this? Have come so close to doing it? Be annoyed at myself for having not done it?

Can any of you say you'd have behaved the same way?

[Vivalebeaver]

I've thought about smashing the face in of the nasty girl who's bullying my dd. obviously I wouldn't in a million years do it. There is a big difference between fantasising about teaching someone a lesson and actually doing it. Only the op knows if she thinks there's a risk in the future of doing it.

[SoleSource]

I think a more qualified person wouldn't be labelling you as drastic as some osyers here have.

This child is vile. Somebody else might knock him off his bike at the rste he is going and it wouldn't be deliberate. If you had commited this criminal and moral offence your life would be much harder because as you've already demonstrated you have morals, values and are aware it is a crime.

You would not rest easy after knowing what you had done. You know this. How could ypu teach your baby right from wrong when dealing with anger.

Let it go and lock your doors.

The prick will learn, by another means. It is all you can hope for, such as his bike riding skills is noticed by a copper

[MsElleTow]

Bobbly, she regrets not doing it! That is unhinged!

[IsabelleRinging]

OP, the kid sounds like an arrogant nobhead, the sort of kid I would visualize squashing too. Wouldn't seriously consider it in real life...but no harm in fantasizing!!!!

[BobblyGussets]

Mmm, I know MsElle. Maybe that is an issue. It's probably because she has to see him acting like a bell end on the roads every few days or so while she is driving.

[SoleSource]

It is a fantasy you have held onto, that is all. You want your baby's Mummy in prison? Your life ruined. Your reputation. It would make headline news. Is he worth it? No.

[stubbornstains]

I would probably have had the same thoughts as you OP.

It happened to me the other day. Only it was DS's father, who has not seen his son since he was 4 weeks old. I was pulling out of the village shop's car park, and he rode across the entrance on his bike. He didn't recognise me, as I've got a different car now.

Just the feeling that I could have stomped on the accelerator and totalled the twat made me feel very, very good.

[flow4]

Of course YABU. But you know it.

So long as this stays as a fantasy inside your head and doesn't obsess you, don't worry about it too much.

If you ever suspect you might act on it, get help urgently.

If you want to explore why you feel like that, you could get some not-so-urgent counselling or psychoanalysis. I would guess that you are afraid of something else entirely, and turning that fear into anger, and then 'projecting' it onto the boy... But that's just a guess...

Mostly I suggest you do something nice and stress-busting, regularly, to help you feel calmer and happier :)

[Unacceptable]

Hecate that's a really interesting link. Maybe I will go see someone though because as it's been said I feel regret that I stopped my car and that just isn't right.

I'm glad I stopped my car but also I'm not IYSWIM. I suppose in my head I thought I'd hit him at slow speed, enough to scare the shit out of him like he did to me but not enough to hurt him seriously...guess that's the thing I had in my head at the time and why I locked the doors in anticipation of him getting up and being livid.

I know exactly how awful what I'm saying is. I know how wrong it would've been to have not stopped the car. I also know that it a)wouldn't have made me feel better, would probably have actually made me feel worse and b)it wouldn't have had any bearing on whether or not this lad acted in a threatening or intimidating way to anyone else ever.

Thank you for all the responses.

Oh and I haven't spent every single waking moment fantasising about hurting this kid.
I also haven't spent a lot of time going over the first incident.
I've seen him a few times since it happened from a distance and when I have seen him I recall what happened and feel upset, nauseous and a bit cross. Shortly afterwards I forget all about it and carry on with my own life.

I don't (thankfully) drive around planning to 'get' him when and if I see him. I don't plan to hunt him down or anything ridiculous like that.
I posted to offload a little and to see if, as I suspect, that my reaction especially the thoughts of regret mean I should probably go speak to somebody in RL about this.

I can assure you that I will not, ever, do what I'd considered doing last night. Never, ever.

[threesocksmorgan]

wow op you sound horrid.
I do hope you give up driving

[lljkk]

He has behaved like an arse.
He has no right to make you feel afraid.
But you can't murder an arse, however much you'd like to.

I suppose I would chat to the police about the situation & how intimidated you still feel. It might help give you boundaries for what would be appropriate response, & confidence to find a way back to feeling secure.

[Woozley]

I have been in a similar situation, and just sat behind the cyclist, or kids walking in the middle of the road, driving slowly, until they pulled over or another car came in the opposite direction as well and they damned well had to.

I've also been shouted at by an adult cyclist for not overtaking them and sitting behind them on a narrow road when there was no room to safely overtake. So I was reprimanded for not knocking him off his bike

What I'm saying is there are twats out there, best to ignore them.

[BatCave]

I can assure you that I will not, ever, do what I'd considered doing last night. Never, ever.

And that's the difference. And you are feeling remorse about the thoughts otherwise you wouldn't have posted on here. The regret could be part of the intrusive thought?

I think you are being a bit harsh on yourself, and some other posters are too. If you'd think it will help then speak to someone irl, otherwise I think you could just let it go.

[rainbowinthesky]

Batcave said it all really. I am sure everyone has some fantasies plus you felt he was a threat to your baby. On some level we are probably designed to eradicate threats to our offspring! If you feel you need help generally then get some if not just move on.

[Bluestocking]

Hi OP, I don't think you sound unhinged at all. I think you sound perfectly normal! What would have been unhinged is if you'd described your plans to hunt this kid down and knock him off his bike on another occasion.
I have a lot of "intrusive thoughts" about perfectly horrible things but I bet no-one I know in RL would ever guess - I am a smiley, kindly, grey-haired middle-aged lady who is kind to children and animals! Of course you would never act on your thoughts about this stupid little twerp. I had a similar experience a few years ago. I was driving home (suburban Birmingham) on a drizzly winter evening with very poor visibility and there was someone on a small motorbike who was only a couple of feet behind me. This meant that his headlight was shining right in my rearview mirror, making it very difficult for me to see him or, indeed, anything else. After several minutes of very awkward driving, with me weaving my head around to try and avoid the glare of his headlight to see, and worrying about pedestrians diving off the pavement in front of me, other cars, etc etc, and becoming more and more irritated, we were in a queue of traffic waiting to go onto a roundabout. He was, by this point, practically in the boot of my car - and I suddenly snapped. I switched off the engine, got out, and went round and confronted him. He was very young, possibly only 16/17. I shouted at him "have you ANY IDEA how dangerously you're driving? WHY are you so close to my car?" and he muttered "your're driving too slowly". Then I really saw red. I bellowed at him "It's not your business to try and tell other drivers how fast they should be driving! I have been driving since BEFORE YOU WERE BORN! And if you carry on like this you will be dead before Christmas!". He was looking more and more huffy. Then I hit him with the killer blow. "If your mum could see you, she would take this stupid little scooter away from you and you'd have to go on the bus!"
Then I got back into my car. I'm glad to say that he had the good sense to hang back until we got to the roundabout, and then he took a different exit. While he was right behind me and endangering himself, me and others in our vicinity, I had been fantasising about stopping the car suddenly so he would hit the back of it - but actually, confronting him and reminding him just what a baby he was, and how stupidly he was behaving, worked far better.

[threesocksmorgan]

I hope the op does speak to the police, hopefully they will tell her the law about using your car as a weapon.

[joanbyers]

" On some level we are probably designed to eradicate threats to our offspring!"

A bicycle is not threatening to a 4x4, or whatever the OP was driving.

[threesocksmorgan]

I am going to hide this thread now as it is making me fume.
I am shocked that anone can be nice to someone who wishes to harm a cyclist.
very odd, I hope the OP gets help.

[Kalisi]

YANBU OP. I'd probably have exactly the same impulse and sometimes get murderously angry especially when somebody is being a prick and I know there is fuck all going to be done about it.
The important thing is that you didn't act on it and the fact that you are on here suggests to me that you are healthy enough to know that these thoughts should remain as just that. I even understand the regret you felt! we can book therapy together

[Unacceptable]

Thanks joan 4x4 I wish!
It was a little fiat Punto and yes the 6 foot odd boy was very,very threatening indeed while he was blocking my exit, spitting on my windscreen and trying to bash the window in!!!

I'm surprised by the kindness and empathy from a lot of posters on here. I expected much more of a telling off/slagging off but you've made me feel a bit better about my dark thoughts.

The intrusive thoughts thing was very comforting. Maybe my behaviour or rather thought process was more common than I'd thought and perhaps in all honesty more people have these kind of thoughts.

[nannyl]

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU

your car is a lethal wepon

if you cant drive it responsibly you shouldnt be allowed to drive it at all

and if you did...... i hope you would get jailed for it..... where you would need to be.... and never allowed to drive again

[TraineeBabyCatcher]

I can kinda understand you. So long ad you didn't actually want to do harm.

I often want to knock down the idiots that cross the end of out road without looking. I want to knock them down, I want to teach them a lesson but I don't want to actually hurt them.

[dexter73]

I think you sound a bit unhinged tbh.

[Lexagon]

I think the majority of people here are massively overreacting
It is not unreasonable to wish harm on someone. It is unreasonable to cause harm to them, which I really doubt you would have done.

[BatCave]

All those proclaiming "unhinged!" - get a grip, can you honestly say, after reading hecate 's link that you've never experienced intrusive thoughts? I know I have.

The fact is OP is remorseful, as evidenced by her being worried about the thoughts and posting here in the first place.

The fact she was in a car, he was a cyclist - completely irrelevant. It's the thoughts that are the issue, nothing else.

I know how as a driver it feels to be intimidated, I once had a group of drunken yobs jump on top of the mini I was driving through a city centre on a Friday night. I was so scared, and part of me wished I'd done something other than sit there like a frightened rabbit.

And her baby was is the car ffs. That would bring out the primal in me too.