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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am annoyed at dh for getting in at 4.20Ame

33 replies

Petershadow · 17/11/2012 06:44

he had a big boys lunch yesterday. So started at midday. Also a big night on Thursday.
We have friends coming to stay today, his best friend, he's to be no help at all. I need to go shopping, they'll be here by 10.
We are all going out tonight, he's going to be tired and grumpy, I don't get out that often

He is always tired, we've talked about burning the candle at both ends
He also knows that DS has been really trying, massive tantrums and knows that I am very upset about it and could do with some help, support and back up.

He sent me a message on his way home, saying sorry
But he's done this a fair few times now

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 17/11/2012 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Petershadow · 17/11/2012 08:03

Thanks
I started a thread in relationships asking what DH/Ps do for you
This is a typical example of what he does for himself

OP posts:
OwedToAutumn · 17/11/2012 08:06

He's done it before, so saying "sorry" is just empty words.

He knows he can do it over and over again, because you will be angry, but then accept his behaviour. So, he will keep doing it for as long as you are together.

Can you live with this? Only you can answer that.

(But do tell him not to bother apologising, as he obviously doesn't mean it. Angry)

YellowDinosaur · 17/11/2012 08:14

Go out shopping. Leave ds with him preferably doing whatever sets off a tantrum on your way out

grobagsforever · 17/11/2012 08:52

Spa weekend

Original poster
Petershadow · 17/11/2012 10:58

Now's the time to get my Christmas wish list in!

Seriously though, I'm so sick of feeling let down by him

OP posts:
lurkedtoolong · 17/11/2012 11:12

Too late now if you had to leave by 10 but in future if HIS friends are coming and he's too pissed/hungover to help prepare do nothing and let him explain.

GrimAndHumourless · 17/11/2012 11:59

honest to god WHY is a spa weekend going to help here?

OP you have a partner who takes you for granted, who KNOWS that you will bollock, but accept behaviour like this from him, you have been marked as Doormat and Skivvy

Only you know if you can carry on living like this

FromEsme · 17/11/2012 12:03

What lurkedtoolong said.

His friends, he sorts it out.

grobagsforever · 17/11/2012 12:57

Grimandhumorless of course a spa won't help, I was playing mn bingo...

OP you need to stand up for yourself.

WorraLiberty · 17/11/2012 13:01

I must admit the 'spa weekend' post made me laugh Blush

grobags was being ironic as that seems to be the standard MN response in these situations.

BalloonSlayer · 17/11/2012 13:05

Too late now but you could have rang his friends and cancelled the visit.

Original poster
Petershadow · 17/11/2012 13:14

This really isn't fair
Everyone is asleep now, and I get the job of keeping DS quiet

Friends have flown in so couldnt really cancel

OP posts:
GrimAndHumourless · 17/11/2012 13:26

Blush I am SO sorry gro, what a nitwit I am

justmyview · 17/11/2012 13:52

I'd be cross too. Another time I wouldn't rush out to do shopping for his friend coming to stay. It's not automatically your responsibility to cover up for your DH

Mrsjay · 17/11/2012 14:16

I really feel for women when they start threads like this unsupportive partners and dads , he knew you were having visitors he knew your son was being a handful yet he went out and did it anyway, I am not saying people shouldn't have a night out or whatever but when you have things planned it is just taking the piss imo

Mrsjay · 17/11/2012 14:18

I must admit the 'spa weekend' post made me laugh

and me I have just realised a few days ago what the bingo is all about and i got it and did smirk Blush

WorraLiberty · 17/11/2012 14:35

Why are you keeping your DS quiet? Confused

Just go about your normal business and don't tiptoe round him

That might make him think twice in future.

Original poster
Petershadow · 17/11/2012 15:41

Wasn't tiptoeing around dh, more the visitors
Me an DS at swimming now. I gave him a list of things to do.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 17/11/2012 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Petershadow · 17/11/2012 15:48

Er, because I would get back and nothing would be done
He would just go on being the lovely charming host
And then I'd have to run around when I get in

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 17/11/2012 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuntGirl · 17/11/2012 16:21

Are you the mum from the asda advert OP? Honestly you don't need to run around after him. If the house isn't tidy it isn't tidy, if there's no food they'll manage.

Unless you told him you would do all this, in which case just don't martyr yourself next time!

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2012 17:28

The rule is that if you choose, as an adult, to go out and get bladdered, you get up in the morning and parent/take responsibility. DH had too much to drink last night and got up and cleaned the kitchen. He did it because he said he would. It helps that I don't see the house as being my job. If people come round and it's not clean and it was DH's turn and they see it, it's no reflection on me.

grobagsforever · 17/11/2012 17:50

Ha, no worries grim. OP why did you let him get away with sleeping in? You do need to have serious words. Is he a good husband in other ways?