to be stressed and shocked at being possibly pregnant?

[bellabreeze]

I feel like I might be pregnant. I have 8 DCs (yes, eight!!!) I do keep a positive attitude and cope very well but I am kind of thinking 'oh my god 9 kids!!?' I feel overwhelmed!!! Its not that I would hate to have another child but I feel so shocked and strange about having 9 kids! Its only 1 more but it is so close to 10...

This post doesn't really make much sense I am just overwhelmed

I couldn't care less how much of my tax or that of dh goes to those on benefits.

Anyone of you could give up work tomorrow and choose to live on benifits if you wanted, I think people choose not to as it's not the wonderful life some like to make it out to be.

The whole benefits thing is totally hypothetical. No one knows. But one poster said "this is all a bit passive aggressive" so I said why - and let's face it Mrs DV agreed with me. That's why it's passive aggressive - it's the elephant in the room. (blueshoes said that?)

But we just don't know, so don't go saying, you've assumed this or that, it's just hypothetical.

So is she pregnant again or what?

9 children!

Id never be able to remember all their names.

If OP is on benefits then is the universal credit/ benefit cap thing going to make life hard for her? I genuinely don't know much about the changes coming but it might be worth OP looking into it to see if her income might be negatively impacted. Apologies is benefits are not an issue for OP.

In fact being so hypothetical and talking about chips on the shoulder and envying the poor probably has a place on another thread. This wouldn't be the place really.

Your own comment about her "casually annoucing her pregnancy to the people who will be paying for it" (paraphrasing) was particularly distasteful.

Why paraphrase when you can leave words out?

"If you do rely on the state, it's a bit crummy to announce an careless pregnancy to a bunch of people who'll be paying for it. That's why this sort of comment comes. But nobody knows what the situation is. I hope everything works out for the OP but MrsDV that is why things will get "passive aggressive", it's probably better not to comment at all I suppose rather than be judgmental."

If the OP was not on benefits then they would have corrected the assumption.

Hopefully the thread is a wind up given the OP has not been back. Very irresponsible to have sex after missing contraception, even more so in a bad relationship.

Spreading yourself alone between nine children will be almost impossible. I grew up in a large family and its something i would never want for myself. Very little time, too many chores and being responsible for the younger ones, no quiet time to study or privacy etc.

If it was me, I wouldn't have corrected anyone.

I would have thought it was no ones fucking business but mine how much money I had, felt very sad that people were judging me and hidden the thread.

It's people's business, it's on an international internet forum, on the most travelled thread title, and could involve their money as well as hers. I don't really buy that it's no one's "fucking" business. People are entitled to say what they want - doesn't take away from the fact that it would probably be more tactful not to.

one of my face book pals has nine she would of had 11 but twin girls died after been born far too early ..

Did she post on this forum she was on benefits?

No.

So NOYB

People are always reading between the lines on mumsnet and asking questions. Like, on every thread, putting their own interpretations and experiences into their responses. After it became hypothetical on this thread (chips on shoulders, envying the poor) people just gave their views. It's called free speech.

I mean, you have put your own interpretation on to it, which is that it doesn't matter where the income comes from. It's a different opinion which you are free to express.

Of course it isnt any of your business! I agree with Tantrum, I wouldnt have come back either.

At no point did she say she was worried about money, at no point did she mention benefits/wages/ML etc. all she did mention about money was that her ex will probably be an arse about child support and that she will have to take steps to ensure he pays.

She asked if SWBU to be shocked at this pregnancy, which on balance she is a bit because she must have known the risk after missing her pill, but thats all she asked.

She did not mention money or ask for advice on money. But as always the usual suspects steamed in assuming the worst and started having a go.

Actually, thats a point. She said that her ex would probably not pay anything. She DIDNT say "he cant, he is on JSA" or similar, so it sounds to me as if he is working, because otherwise she cant do anything to make him pay, the CSA wont be interested.

Id never be able to remember all their names.

Arf duck Maybe they all wear nice little laminated name badges?

I think the fact that she said her ex would not be paying anything would tend more to the other conclusion to be honest. Perhaps that's why people made the assumption.

It's only none of my business if it doesn't involve any of my money. So it may or may not be my business - we simply don't know.

And to be honest, I wouldn't feel the need to say "it migth be my business" if I wasn't repeatedly told that it's none of my business.

From the OP - Doubt it Property but I may have to take action if he doesn't
in response to being asked if her ex will support them financially.

What action can she take if her ex is on JSA? She would be awarded £5 per week which frankly isnt going to be worth the hassle is it?

Yes - I know. Like I said, maybe they have kkkkk - maybe he is seriously loaded enough to maintain two households and nine children. That would be a rare thing but obviously not impossble. But the payments don't count anyway do they.

I think (as you're reading back) it might be helpful to read some of my posts too. Like the ones that say "it doesn't say anywhere that she's on benefits", that sort of thing. Just to be in the loop.

They don't have a lot of money. OP described money saving tactics such as growing veg and using handmedowns from previous children. Which is commendable. But that does not put her or her dh in megabucks category.

The fact that the OP did NOT mention finances surely points to the fact that she is already on benefits. If I had 9 children and not sure whether my ex would pay child support, surely I would be shitting myself.

But not OP. Just shocked and stressed about no.9 on the way but life goes on, apparently ...

Ok I'm back everyone, I am pregnant!

Basically yes I did miss 2 pills in a row, husband didn't know I was on the pill anyway (it wasn't a secret, he just didn't know) had a 'good' day with him which is why I did have sex with him, wasn't the best idea to miss 2 pills but sex and getting pregnant just wasn't on my mind.

As for money issues, well soon-to-be-ex-dh does have a job, I make a tiny amount of money through things like mystery shopping and selling stuff on ebay. I am very frugal and children are a lot cheaper because I already have previous DCs things stored for the next baby and I breastfeed which is free.

I will do what I have to do to get ex to pay and I will need some kind of help, I haven't quite figured it all out yet. (Got some money saved when I realisedi didn't want to carry on with husband forever)

My husband didn't do anything with dcs, never helped, he did pay though (he isn't rich or anything, I'm just frugal/quite good with money.. I think)

And no, looking after 9 children on my own isn't impossible, I've pretty much been doing that with 8 all this time apart from the financial side, I'm sure I can manage. People are great at coping with what ever situation they are in, its not likee we haave much of a choice once it has happened

Haven't been on mn all day because I've been very busy as you can probably imagine, Saturday with 8 dcs

Well bells congratulations! I'm sure you will cope admirably.

Thanks for coming back to let us know and I hope all this ^^ doesn't annoy you. Lots of assumptions happening.