To not want the world and his wife at DD's 1st birthday party?

[SneakyNuts]

DD is 1 next month and we have hired a small hall with pre-school inflatable thing for her and other toddler friends to play on. The hall is pretty tiny, with enough space left for a table of food.

DP wants to invite his Nan, cousins, aunties, uncles etc which I think is unnecessary for a 1st birthday (I am inviting Mum, DD's two aunties and a couple of friends with babies).

I've told him I think it's too much for him to invite all of his family, that DD wont notice and will just want to play. Also that perhaps we could invite those people to our new home another day for a bit of cake etc although we will be seeing them a few days later for Christmas anyway.

DP thinks IABU and I must 'hate his family' to not want them all crammed into the hall like sardines.
I've avoided mentioning it since because of the argument that will most certainly follow..

Oh, sorry I misunderstood!

DP is going to have to learn to say no if it's that many!

Perhaps you could put it to your dh that it would not be safe for your dd and the other toddlers if the hall is crammed to bursting with adults, SneakyNuts, and then, as others have said, work out how many people you can invite, and split it between your family and his - and then he it is up to him to ensure he invites only that number of people.

OP - Falling over backwards at someone actually thinking I am adding anything useful!

I think you need to decide whether it's a children's birthday party or a family gathering. There's a difference.

If you've hired a hall, play equipment and are serving jelly & ice cream, then it's a children's birthday party and family should be limited.

Your DH is being silly - it should just be made clear to the extended family that it's a CHILDREN'S birthday party.

like others I personally wouldnt have this kind of party for a 1 year old, but if I did the only adults there would be the parents of the other toddlers (who will all want to stay for the duration of the party) and perhaps mine/dh's parents (probably mums only) to help with food/cakes/party bags/lost shoes/tears.

Would have a family/adult get together (probably two separate ones for mine and dh's family) at a different time.

Oh, my last post didn't work.

I text DP, "We need to sort out who is coming to DD's party. We could invite X amount of people and have a day of cake etc for anyone else the day after?"

He replied, "I will chat when I'm done."

This is going to end in an argument

Why not just ask them all. Many probably won't come, a 1 year olds party in a hall is not many people idea of a good time, particularly at this time of the year when they probably have shopping to do.

If it turns out they all do turn up and it's a bit crushed you will probably find people are happy to hang about in the foyer or outside chatting.

Your dd gets more presents, your husband is happy his family are there. You then don't have to invite then to your house ( which probably involves a day of cleaning beforehand, then making 20 cups of tea, then another tidy up after they have gone). Win win win .

I'm not sure if anyone on this thread had read my last thread about his cousin? Well this cousin obviously wouldn't be invited, but the thread does illustrate his apparent disregard for my feelings.

YABU. Why hire a hall for a 1st birthday party. It sounds as if the world and his wife are already coming and yet you don't want your DP to invite his relatives.

Five people is hardly the world and his wife, Viviennemary (OP said she was inviting her mum, her dd's two aunties and a couple of friends with babies).

And whether or not the hall is a good idea, isn't the point now, especially as it is already booked and money paid.

You then don't have to invite then to your house ( which probably involves a day of cleaning beforehand, then making 20 cups of tea, then another tidy up after they have gone)

Easily get round this by having it at the grandparents house .

(to be fair, most family get togethers in our family happen at my mum's and dad's as they have the biggest house/garden and everyone apart from SIL from hell feels at home there and pitches in)

Viv, OP has said many times that she's happy to invite family, just not seriously extended family who they never see, just to please her DH's parents. I know it wasn't very clear to start with though.

OP, I'm sorry, I haven't read your previous thread, but I would just like to say, this doesn't need to be about anyone's feelings. It can simply be about logistics. The hall is small and can only hold a certain number of people. You can either agree who to invite, or you can split the numbers, and each invite half. I would be stressing to your DH that you would love to be able to invite everyone, but it's just not feasible.

If your DH's parents are going to feel awkward that they can't invite his entire family, then they are quite welcome to host their own party on a different day, and they can invite who they like.

This is such a stupid thread. Let him invite whoever the hell he wants to the "hall" and let him take care of them. Don't know why you're getting your knickers in a twist over this. Fuck the space, let him invite them.

If you can't physically fit all his family in there, then with the best will in the world he can't have all his family there - don't the hall have a maximum capacity guide for health and safety?

He booked the hall with you, therefore agreeing on the number of adults you could invite - if he's that desperate to invite all his family then tell him it'll be his responsibility to cancel the hall, find a new hall that is big enough and rebook the soft play.

It's not my fault I can't count. But the only fair way is to each invite a set number of people.

Counting's hard, Viv - practice with chocolates is my advice!

How long is the hall booked for? Could you have your 2 parties in the time? The first could be for your DDs little friends and parents (with the toys). Then following a quick turnaround (refresh food, new birthday cake etc) and clearing away the toys, you could have food, drinks and birthday cake with all the relatives - perhaps there would be space for everyone if the toys were cleared away?

That is the best idea so far, sahmbles, if it would work for the OP. [applauds]

Your DP is going to have to learn to say no to his family. You also need to have a chat with him about his disregard for your feelings.