To not want the world and his wife at DD's 1st birthday party?

[SneakyNuts]

DD is 1 next month and we have hired a small hall with pre-school inflatable thing for her and other toddler friends to play on. The hall is pretty tiny, with enough space left for a table of food.

DP wants to invite his Nan, cousins, aunties, uncles etc which I think is unnecessary for a 1st birthday (I am inviting Mum, DD's two aunties and a couple of friends with babies).

I've told him I think it's too much for him to invite all of his family, that DD wont notice and will just want to play. Also that perhaps we could invite those people to our new home another day for a bit of cake etc although we will be seeing them a few days later for Christmas anyway.

DP thinks IABU and I must 'hate his family' to not want them all crammed into the hall like sardines.
I've avoided mentioning it since because of the argument that will most certainly follow..

That's fine if you don't see the point. DD doesn't nap in the day anymore and is very active, if she enjoys that kind of thing I don't think she needs to be pitied for our choice of party.

Why not make that party for toddler friends only & your family can be there as helpers if you like.

Then have another party at your home & make this the family party with another cake, candle & invite everyone? The nan may be more comfortable at your home & there may be more room. Plus if you ask everybody to bring a dish for a buffet & whatever they wish to drink it won't actually cost that much.

Sorry it's not written very well

Holly I wouldn't mind the firemen!

People can be a bit weird about first birthday parties though.

Someone I know had a party for their ds2s 1st birthday but made a point of saying only close family and friends were coming - which was funny as my kids were seeing hers three days a week at the time and her kids were always invited to my kids party.

Then on the day all of her DH family pulled out of going and she tested me saying the food needed using up and we were invited after all. Er, no thanks.

One year olds don't need an inflatable in a small hall to be happy. Infact the noise of the blower may well be too loud for them in a small hall.

Invite the family and have some smaller toys or ride on toys for the kids

I've realised my posts are all written terribly! Sorry for that, I'm dosed up on cold & flu capsules

The issue isn't what we've planned for her party, it's the amount of people to invite.

Find a bigger hall and let them come - first birthday parties are for adults anyway.

That's horrible ticktock.

Could you limit to 10 or so from each side plus friends? Is your DH particularly close to any of his aunts uncles and cousins, would they all be likely to come if you invited them?

Get rid of the inflatable. Unnecessary for 1 year olds. I am sure your DD won't mind.

Your DH may want his relatives in the party for various reasons - he is close to them, that's how they celebrate first birthdays in his family etc. etc.

Unless there is a financial constraint or you dislike his relatives, I think YABU.

I would be fine with that, even less so from my family (they are happy with this too)
Problem is, everyone in his family have 'equal standing' for want of a better phrase- Great aunties, his mum's 2nd cousins, his Grandad's brothers family, the list goes on, I just think it's too much.

We're having the same issue with our wedding guest list, he just doesn't want to offend anyone!

I always have 2 parties for my DC's, one for the school friends & the toddlers crawling all over the floor which isn't ideal at big gatherings, with age appropriate food, music & games. Possible vomit/wetting of pants etc isn't a problem as everybody attending is used to it, so nobody rolls up in white linen etc

& another for the grown ups & family who like adult food & booze & who want their gifts to be appreciated & not just part of the pile. A leisurely afternoon of buffet, bbq if the summer & lots of playing with the birthday boy :)

To clarify, the hall and inflatable are booked, money is down and can't afford to lose it.

Or work out how many adults you want there, split it 50/50 & you are both in charge of inviting the people you want from your respective families, put the onus on him!

I really like that idea onetiredmummy

Both ideas!

Its clearly cultural, and if thats the way his family is, then you are being absolutely unfair to try to put your cultural Values onto his family, you should love them the way they are.

I have a HUGE extended family compared to DH, who is the only child of an only (effectively his mothers siblings all died young), I would be beyond furious if he decided to effectively try to impose his family size on mine.

Its simply unfair.

(and you could both be from same culture, in this sense I suppose Family Values would be a better phrase).

Yabu to exclude his family
Yabu to book a hall for a 1st birthday.

It's not cultural

Both of our family's are huge...so I should be ok with him inviting extended family who a)have never even spoken to me and b)have never shown an interest in DD, just to tick that box?

I am not excluding his family.

So those that think IABU for a)excluding SOME of his family and b)having her party in a hall...

My other option would be to have his huge extended family in our very small (just moved into) house?

Why on earth didn't you and DP discuss the whole thing BEFORE you booked the (unnecessary) hall and equipment? Don't you know how big adults are?

Tbh OP, I think your hands are tied, if he really wanted that many people he should have said you would need a bigger hall to accommodate, maybe there has been a breakdown in communication between you.

Set a limit per family and get him to choose who he wants there, it is fair that way.