MIL and the chocolate advent calendar

[toomanydaisies]

My MIL has given us chocolate advent calendars for our dc. Dc have seen them. And will want them because of the chocolate.

But I'd already bought advent calendars to give to them ON 1ST DECEMBER!!! Beautiful (non chocolate) ones.

I hate chocolate advent calendars - dc aged 5 can have a small chocolate every day but dc aged 1? No way. But I'd rather the excitement was about seeing which picture they had, not just cramming chocolate into their mouths.

More than anything I'm annoyed that my MIL has (yet again) done things her way without checking with me (the parent) first.

Her other DIL gave the chocolate advent calendars back to MIL and said that no, her children were not having chocolate ones. This has really hurt MIL so I can't do the same - I know she means well. But I feel like our new family traditions are not bring allowed to develop because MIL intervenes.

I know I'm overreacting. But aibu to feel a BIT annoyed about this?!

I cant imagine a world where I care enough to be pissed off about advent calenders

Bloody well said.

We have a beautiful advent calendar which I was very fortunate to find in the loft when we moved into the house. It is a large wooden tree with drawers underneath and in each drawer is a lovely delicate decoration to hang on the tree. The DCs love it.... But would still be a bit disappointed if they didn't also find a little chocolate in the drawer each day.

Relax, it's a chocolate calendar. If you have a nice one too then they will still appreciate it.

bringback- too true. It's an advent calendar. All these grown ups saying they don't like them, they're scruffy, they want wooden ones- yet to a 5 year old THEY ARE MAGICAL.

The advent calendar isn't for YOU disgruntled parent!

the crappy cadbury ones aren't in the least magical.

I cant imagine a world where I care enough to be pissed off about advent calenders Maybe a world where a fifth of reception children are overweight or obese. A third of year six children are. Where our children may not live as long as us. Fa la la la la, la la la la. Merry Christmas.

I know I am being pissy now. However, I come on threads and we shouldn't worry about:

Chocolate advent calendars
Chocolate in lunchboxes
Any junk given to children when childcare is free
Any junk that people give at birthdays
Any crap given 'once in a while'
Any junk eaten at special occasions, Easter, Christmas, Halloween, holidays
Small amounts every day

It's a bit like that Stevie Wonder song. When are we limiting crap that our children eat?

Well said MrsTP I'LL decide what crap my kids eat - not the inlaws, or anyone else for that matter!

I think it's horrible that the other DIL returned the advent calendar. I think that was unnecessarily mean of her.

This thread still going on? Yikes!

My eldest is two and a half mrstp I just don't think they are ever too young to just be part of real life with all its joys and end of joys.

Also I never get the apples or chocolate argument. I don't mind my toddler eating choc/cakes etc as long as she is also enjoying eating veg and fruit and eating enough of it. A balanced diet can include both.

I suspect too much control over food is just as harmful.

the crappy cadbury ones aren't in the least magical. but aitch, my point is, it's not about what WE think, it's about seeing it through the eyes of the child.

WE all know advent calendars are a bit of cardboards, plastic and cheap chocolate, but my son still shrieks with joy whenever he opens it.

I think the OP is inflicting her adult so-over-it-it's just-chocolate POV on the advent calendar, when it's for her children, not for her. They're not made for adults (apart from DH age 46).

no really, my children aren't idiots. have you seen the recent cadbury ones? they're hideous, cheapo boxes prone to breaking, crude cartoony drawings of santa and rudolph, no wit or charm, nothing about advent at all, just a starter pistol to a period of mega-consumption. no delayed gratification, no special day, just the beginning of a month and a half of excess.

regarding control over food, btw. we've just made and eaten a chocolate cake, i have no issue with my children eating nice, sweet food. i do resent it being a bit of crappy, veg oil-filled no cocoa solids choc.

But if a third of children in year 6 are overweight and obese, that is a hell of a lot of children whose parents got the balance/control wrong. That doesn't even include underweight or malnourished children on the other end of the spectrum. It's all very well saying too much control is bad or it is a balance but what is that balance?

no really, my children aren't idiots

Neither are mine

hmm. yes. i can see why you might be angry about that, apologies. but at the same time, you did just lecture us about seeing through the eyes of a child etc etc and it being magical blah blah. this may well be the case for your kids but it genuinely is not for mine. perhaps they're just a bit older? perhaps they find magic in different places, who knows? but i can assure you that they don't find it in the cadbury's chocolate advent calendar, which is marketing over magic any day of the week.

I wasn't lecturing, just like everyone else on here, I was stating an opinion. Mine are 3 and 6, so yes, they still have their magic goggles on. You wouldn't believe the crap they think is great!

This has been going for almost a fortnight! Just accept with good grace!

Their grandma bought a chocolate advent calendar!

The bitch.

I agree with you, OP. The whole point of an advent calendar is that it's one, special thing to open in the run-up to Christmas. Not that you have 2 or 3 of them.

I would be irritated if MIL gave DD a Hello Kitty or something similar advent calendar - because Christmas in our house is about the birth of Jesus and DD will get a religious advent calendar (when I eventually remember to go down to the bible shop and get it)

I also dislike chocolate advent calendars

It is perfectly possible to treat your grandchildren without stepping on a parent's toes with no hard work at all

This. My Mum never had any issues with her DMIL or DM (and trust me, my Mum was the forerunner of PFB Precious Moments Mama, I am an only). Why ? Because both my grandmothers had the courtesy to say "Eileen, I was thinking about giving little Nigel an advent calendar/bag of rock/box of lego, is that alright ?"

It's not difficult is it, to ask your DIL "can I get little Jimmy a chocolate advent calendar". Unless of course, you know that the answer is going to be "no" and you are determined to do it anyway.

I've never had any issues with my MIL or Mum because I am more than happy to let them treat my dcs without having to bow down to my whims.

Why on earth should they have to consult me about trivialities like an advent calender.

Wow. Your MIL does something nice like buy your kids something and this is the reaction?

My mum still buys be an advent calendar every year and since I've been with DH him too. I always get a Barbie one.

This year is our first with a little one and she has already bought her a reusable calendar where you're put in little prezzies or chocolate. She did it out of love and I think it's lovely.

What a shame you can't appreciate the nice gesture of your MIL. And what a shame the other ungrateful person in your family has made her feel bad. Why on earth would you hand them backs FFS? Stick them in th cupboard and can all the choccies for yourself if you don't want the kids to have them. But give them back?!? Rude and mean!

Fwiw my MIL was in hospital with heart failure last week and we didn't think she would see Xmas. Life's to short for this ridiculous pettiness over a bit of chocolate

To me, its not a chocolate issue. This year, I sat with dd looking through the advent calendars on Amazon, we chatted about which one to get, it was a thing we were excited about. We were going to go and have a hot chocolate, look at the decorations etc and buy the calendars as a bit of an event.

Then my mum, my nana and MIL all bought calendars and gave them to the DDs. None of which were the one that we had spent all that time choosing. I would be more than happy for them each to do or buy a 'thing', but we had already made plans and none of them thought to even ask. Not for permission, just for co ordination.

I took them out anyway and got fancy lego ones, PLUS the poundland ones we were going to get. Possibly immature, but also, LEGO!

I will just stick to my strategy when faced with excessive/noisy presents and leave them at the givers house so they can enjoy them with the dds when they visit