To think this is so odd??!

[curiousgeorgie]

My PIL have mentioned several times over te past 8 weeks since their 2nd grandchild was born that they would love to have a canvas of the two children (my DD and new DN) to put on the wall.

With christmas coming thought this would be a great gift so sent a message to BIL and his fiancée to ask if we could get the kids together to do this for them. DH has a brilliant camera and is quite into photography so wouldn't cost them anything and wouldn't take long.

BIL sent a message straight back saying great idea, they'll love that, lets set it up.

3 hours later and she sends me a message saying 'Im going to have to say no to the picture'.

Weird???! Please tell me this is completely off because I'm not really sure what on earth I'm supposed to respond to that!

Or that, as they're tight for cash, she didn't get the message about the cost. Or that she feels it wouldn't be fair to her parents because they can't afford to get them a picture.

oh no! my sister's is more of the "they'd get a good hard slap and no supper" look. she'll learn, one day. i cant wait!!

Maybe the baby is really sir cliff Richards love child and she worries that a large photo will give the game away?

Op go and sing a few verses of "saviours day" and see if the baby joins in.

I think OP your sisIL is doing hand prints or something and doesn't want you to steal her idea

Oh boo I'll swap you my sis although she does have them for a day out every school holidays...

The really odd bit is that BIL seemed more than happy for his DC to be photographed for the grandparents, he agreed to the suggestion but SIL has subsequently put her foot down with absolutely no explanation.

Surely BIL would have known if they couldn't afford it, or if they had planned their own version, or if his DW had a long-standing objection to canvas photos in people's houses. But no, he says "OK". But it seems like his opinion doesn't count, nor do the wishes of the OP and her DH, nor the GPs who asked for the gift. The only opinion that matters is SIL's, and she's giving nothing away.

My DD was the ugliest baby in the world at 8 weeks. Patchy hair falling out in clumps, god awful cradle cap, milk spots and ferocious red cheeks (first tooth at 10 weeks) She looked like an angry ferret She is stunningly beautiful now of course but i would have been horrified at the prospect of capturing her 'unique' beauty for posterity on someone elses wall

DN is really cute, he was quite big when he was born so he's got nice chubby cheeks and really clear skin...

Not much hair though but would that really be a massive issue?

There are people who don't think! It could well be that the BIL knew something else was planned but didn't remember it at the time!

I have to make sure DH tells one of his sisters no in writing after she's suggested something daft, because he's ridiculously polite and unless you actually use the word 'no' she hears 'yes' and she's got it bought/booked/organised an hour after the conversation. Her latest was 'PIL could really use an ipad and we've (her and her DP) been thinking the family could get them one for Christmas.' Which would actually mean feckless siblings not contributing and DH and I coughing up half the cash - £300 or so. It's cost us a lot of money over the years and often the presents aren't particularly appreciated.

In which case you'd expect BIL to say "Oops, my mistake" - not keep schtum while SIL makes like Secret Squirrel.

I agree with Lynette

I think what's odd is how narked you are. You like her, she gets on with the PIL. It's no skin off your nose (really) if they don't get a canvas, they'll probably get some other photo at some stage. We don't know her reasons. She's entitled to say no (isn't she?)

SIL isn't making like secret squirrel

One text has been exchanged in the SILs customary brief style.

Blimey this is not a very interesting conundrum

IMVHO

I also don't think it's terribly helpful when dealing with family members to get narked on someone else's behalf.

If your PIL care that much, I'm sure they can express their own opinions

It does seem a bit rude to offer no explanation, when she knew her DH had said yes, and you were excited about it, but only the no explanation part, she does have the right to say no.

I think it's more likely she wants the baby to look a bit cuter before having such a statement photo done? But who knows.

Your suggestion is lovely and it is a bit odd of SIL to veto it without explanation. However, I think Allen has hit the nail on the head. At 8 weeks old babies haven't really grown into themselves and are not at their cutest.

I had professional pictures of my babies done when they were tiny and was told by the photographer that the earliest they'd do them was 4 months. Before that they couldn't focus well enough for a good picture. Obviously taking normal photos is fine but I'd want my baby to look their best on a canvass that will hopefully be displayed for many years.

Sheesh! curiousgeorgie I think you seem truly charming and thoughtful and I can quite understand your questioning your SIL's decision
What I don't understand is your serenity and calm in the face of some of the shit flinging on your thread!
{thanks]

Bollocks! I meant

I have only read your posts, so I'm probably repeating what lots of other people have said, but...

I would text her back and say 'Oh it's OK, I understand if you are too busy - I'll just get DH to do one and scan a photo of DN onto it, I'm sure the PIL will be fine with that - no problem :)'

PS Ignore any numpties. You sound lovely, it was a nice request from your PIL for an easily obliged present, your SIL is ODD to say the least.

It's a nice idea but you have no right to suggest your BIL is being controlled by his fiancee. That lady just went through hell to bring this child into the world and it sounds like he has the right idea - what she says goes for a lot longer than eight weeks. You must know that your BIL's willingness to go along with your idea originally doesn't mean that much. He's probably drifting around in a moronic sleep-deprived daze and anyway, if he chose to be controlled by his fiancee and subsequently say no, that would be his problem. It would be very sensible of him, considering the hormones that are flying around. The suggestions that you approach him now to find out 'why she doesn't want it' are selfish in the extreme. New parents are fragile. What right to you have to stress your BIL out (because it would) just because you can't take no for an answer? If your SIL-to-be wanted to be unreasonable about her child, that's her perogative. Her decision isn't even unreasonable, actually. How kindly do you think you'd have taken to someone suggesting that they would put your eight week old baby through some sort of photoshoot (because nobody knew you were planning to take one photo and 'leave it at that'), choose a picture (probably, let's be honest, one in which your one child looked great) and emblazon it upon her inlaw's wall (she probably has a sneaking suspicion her baby's ugly - I did), to be walked past for all time? And then tried to cause a stir with your fiancee when you didn't fancy it? I don't care how much DN's grandparents would like it because (a) it's not your gift to give (b) it's no great hardship for them to wait a year or two - they've got a new grandchild for goodness sake (c) this is not about your PIL, this is about you not liking to hear the word no (d) there's no point giving photos at Christmas when the pictures taken on the day will be the ones to spend money blowing up. Especially of cousins.

I'm just so glad you're not my SIL...there was nothing wrong with the original concept but the way you've going on and on about it in such a relentless way is just...deadly.

I'm going to vote for 'she thinks they are tacky'. If it was something like she had already bought them a present she would have just said when op asked why.

I would text back something like 'ok, no problem. How about a regular photo of the two of them in a frame instead? Or would you rather not?'

Ordinaryprincess- are you quite well??!

There isn't one part of your rant that I don't need explaining... Not one part is factual and I have no idea where you got most of it from.

Okay... I'm not sure my last message illustrated how idiotic your message was so here it is...

I never suggested BIL was being controlled by his fiancée.

Where did I say she 'went through hell to bring a child into this world' ??

You know nothing about my BIL so to suggest that he willingly goes along with any idea is purely a fabrication of your mind.

I never said I was going to approach my brother in law, in fact, I said quite the opposite as 'it would feel like causing trouble' ....quote!

They knew that my DH would quickly take a couple of photos. Where did you get that they didn't??

'Im going to choose a picture where my child looks great and DN looks ugly' Yes. Because my last message wasn't about how cute he is. Because I've stressed several times about how we don't all get on, and because that would just be a Fabulous present to look at forever wouldn't it??

"And then tried to cause a stir when your fiancée didn't fancy it". Umm... What? Anyone??

And just to finish, I'd just like to echo your last sentiment and say that I'm extremely glad you're not my sister in law too. Because you seem like a total moron and there's no way I could put up with that on a regular basis.

One last thing.... 'Deadly' ?? Had a drink by any chance??

Enough already.

Op are not going to put us out of our misery and find out from sil what her concerns are or not?

Apart from asking her I'm not sure what else I can do. I have a scan today but will probably see her tomorrow and report back

If she has already posed and taken photos of the two of them together then my money's on her having already done something similar herself.