to ask why the cat attacked my anus

[Corygal]

So I settle down to a snory night with an equally snory tabby. While in my eyes it is a tiny helpless scrap of fur, to the uninitiated it may strangely appear as a 30lb feral tom.

It traditionally gets me up by scratching me gently on the elbow. But this morning, as it 'patted' my arm, I let rip a massive fart. The next thing I feel is a bloody great hairy arm shooting up the nightie.

It lashed out under the bridge. Three times.

Shrieking 'Paws not claws' repeatedly, I finally got free of its flailing, slicing claws and staggered to the kitchen where it got its 3 breakfasts, drink, milk, snack and so on.

I am now feeding it its post-supper treat but my arsehole still throbs.

Weeping. Now of no earthly use whatsoever.

Oh that's funny. Painful, yet funny. And you win the award for best thread title ever.

That is unfortunate op. maybe he mistook the sound of your trumptons for an angry Tom and was merely facing off against a hitherto unseen enemy. Pants might not go amiss next time :)

I'm actually crying

Glad it's not just me fighting off the cat's rearguard attacks. They really don't seem to like being farted on.

Oh fuck that made me laugh . Get better soon OP's ringpiece

Steel knickers on in bed from now on.

Is it officially Fart Day on MN?

oh GUFFAW

one of my late cats used to wake me by standing on my heid and hooking into my nostrils with it's claws. Didn't help that it was polydactyl.

Oh Jesus, that is so funny.

Hope you can sit down sometime soon.

And I've got an anal fissure.

V funny!

That is the first time I have ever laughed at a thread title (hard to make laugh
Oh dear, poor you. Put some sudacrem on it :) silly arse!

:o Ouchy

An old boss of mine once told me their new kitten had bitten his wife's nipple in bed one morning. I didn't need to be told this.

'tis true Grumpla, op elsewhere on mn there is a suspected fart related pregnancy.

You appear to have come off better with a little light shredding.

Stop. Pleeeease stop....

I have to take a very serious phone call in a minute and I'm in no fit state

The threads have been getting funnier and funnier today and this one just tipped me over the edge. DS1 wants to know why I'm wheezing. I can't explain - he's only 8. Plenty of time for arse-attacking pussies when he's older.

I am, for once, speechless.

! Get well soon OPs poor arse!

Am hyperventilating trying to tell this to DP.

He says you've violated the cat!

Tell your DP my little prince seems fine, in fact in a rather good mood.

'Paws not claws'

Oh your poor arse

I am now a weeping, guffawing mess! With wine all over my computer

DH has begged me to stop reading him MN threads about arses!

There are no words.

Which is why I just scared the cat by laughing. Luckily, he didn't go for my arse.