to ask why the cat attacked my anus

[Corygal]

So I settle down to a snory night with an equally snory tabby. While in my eyes it is a tiny helpless scrap of fur, to the uninitiated it may strangely appear as a 30lb feral tom.

It traditionally gets me up by scratching me gently on the elbow. But this morning, as it 'patted' my arm, I let rip a massive fart. The next thing I feel is a bloody great hairy arm shooting up the nightie.

It lashed out under the bridge. Three times.

Shrieking 'Paws not claws' repeatedly, I finally got free of its flailing, slicing claws and staggered to the kitchen where it got its 3 breakfasts, drink, milk, snack and so on.

I am now feeding it its post-supper treat but my arsehole still throbs.

Best thread title ever!

are you the fart troll?

Tampon string mouse tail confusion?

I am not suggesting you have a Tampax up your arse but you know, geographically similar placement...

Arf at Tampon string mouse tail confusion.

Best MN line ever

Just brilliant!

Cory thank you for sharing and giving me the best laugh I have had in ages :) :)

If it makes you feel better OP our cat once attacked DH's arse during sex, it really killed the mood

Leave the bastard!

Omg, thats hilarious. What did you give the cat as a post supper treat? swift kick up the backside I hope

Had a kitten that once woke me up by sucking my nipple. Made sure I wore a top after that

Arf at tampon string mouse tail confusion

My DS is shouting from his bedroom " mammy what is that loud laughing you're doing?"

Best thread I ever read!

Perhaps the wearing of undergarments might protect your um, sensibilities from feline attack?

my cat gets all scared with bendy legs when I fart. She stares at me like I am evil

DP is looking at me like i've grown three heads. Oh my f*, this thread is HILARIOUS.

IM CRYING!

I'm still sitting on a cushion here. Might go for men's pyjamas tonight.

My cat likes to smell me farts. He shuts his eyes and inhales.

Fuck, I love Mumsnet!!

I am a semi lurker - that post was that good :D

Brilliant. Crying and snorting with laughter.

My own stripey bundle of fur is not amused.

Absolutely love 'paws not claws'

That might just be the funniest thing I have ever read .

Look, you obviously just do really meaty farts. Or maybe fishy ones.
Or even milky ones.

(actually feel a wickle bit icky now...)

When I was a teenager, our cat bit my dad's bollocks while he was asleep.

I can still remember the scream...

Am trying to laugh quietly as DDs are asleep and I'm upstairs.

I have a picture on my profile which I think sums up every cat I've ever know.

*known.