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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dd this is out of order!

78 replies

mosschops30 · 09/11/2012 18:23

Dd (16) announces tonight that she is going to town with - lets call him shaun.
So i say isnt shaun 'katies' boyfriend?
Yes but hes my friend too says dd

Me and dh say its not appropriate to go to the cinema with your friends boyf when she doesnt know
Dd says things have 'changed since your day' Hmm

so ive told her she needs to message him and say 'sorry cant do this weekend shaun, but woud love to see you and katie soon'

Shes in a strop now.

So AIBU

OP posts:
Gigondas · 09/11/2012 18:24

They haven't changed that much! And no yanbu

Jsa1980 · 09/11/2012 18:25

We're they friends before he started a relationship with her friend? If not then you are not BUR.

Things may have changed but something's never change!

NoTeaForMe · 09/11/2012 18:27

Does 'Katie' not know about the cinema trip? If she knows then fine, if not then not fine!

BunnyLeBOOwski · 09/11/2012 18:27

Eh?

Why on earth should she not go to the cinema with a friend? Regardless of who's boyfriend he is.

Do you want to teach her that being in a relationship = owning the other person??

WorraLiberty · 09/11/2012 18:28

Why doesn't Katie know?

Original poster
mosschops30 · 09/11/2012 18:29

No Katie does not know, neither of them saw the need to tell her Hmm
she did know him before Katie, and they almost dated but didnt quite hit it off snd he started dating her friend

OP posts:
Original poster
mosschops30 · 09/11/2012 18:30

bunny if dh went out with my friend across the road and didnt mention it id be seriously pissed off, and yes i think thats normal

OP posts:
Snog · 09/11/2012 18:30

Depends how much she wants to stay friends with Katie then

Whoknowswhocares · 09/11/2012 18:30

I'm not sure I'd want to be telling her who to see and under what circumstances
Like that. Certainly point out the pitfalls and how it might appear to her friend but to tell her who she can be friends with seems a bit overly controlling for a 16 year old!

WorraLiberty · 09/11/2012 18:31

She's BU then

If Katie knew all about it was ok with it, that would be fine.

But she doesn't and one has to wonder why....

usualsuspect3 · 09/11/2012 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 09/11/2012 18:31

Yanbu

EuroShagmore · 09/11/2012 18:31

I'm baffled as to why you are getting involved in this.

If they are going as friends, what's the problem?

If there might be more to it, then her and Katie are probably going to fall out. Not your problem.

lisad123 · 09/11/2012 18:32

Not sure what they problem is. I had plenty of friends who were boys that I went to pictures with, don't know if their GF knew or not. Blush

ImperialBlether · 09/11/2012 18:32

It's nothing to do with owning someone, I'd just good manners and respect for the other person. Poor old Katie will be at home wondering where all her mates are and then realise they're in the back row of the cinema.

WorraLiberty · 09/11/2012 18:36

I've had plenty of male friends too

But there was never any secrecy if I wanted to go out with them

That's the difference here I think.

GhostShip · 09/11/2012 18:39

YANBU!
The fact that she said 'its changed since your day' suggests she realises she's doing something wrong. Her poor friend :(

Good on you pulling her up about it.

I expect this to be a long thread.

missymoomoomee · 09/11/2012 18:39

I didn't tell DH everywhere I went and who with when we were dating. It was none of his business. I don't see why you are getting involved really, you seem to be sending the message that you think your daughter can't be trusted.

GhostShip · 09/11/2012 18:43

You don't go to the pictures with your mates boyfriend without telling them.If there weren't anything going on surely they would have said something?

Were her and 'shaun' friends before this OP?

And this might be a massive generalisation, but a teenage boy and girl very rarely go to the cinemas alone in a 'friendly' way.

carabos · 09/11/2012 18:44

I think you need to let her find out the hard way whether her actions are acceptable in her peer group. Things may well have changed since your day, but on the other hand if they haven't, then she will have learned a valuable lesson.

NatashaBee · 09/11/2012 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 09/11/2012 18:54

I havent 'stopped' her from going
Nor am i telling her who she can be friends with

but i did tell her its out of order and that she should see them both together or that Katie shouldve known

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 09/11/2012 18:59

YABU. They're friends. He doesn't need his partners permission to go to the cinema with a friend. If they're deliberately keeping it a secret from katie then that's mean, but I don't see why she needs to be notified in advance of a trip to the cinema.

StuntGirl · 09/11/2012 19:00

If they're just mates going to the cinema togther then you're being ridiculous and over-reacting.

If your suspicion is they're going to the cinema together because they're seeing each other behind the friend's back then you're not.

But if it's the latter something resembling an adult conversation about it would have gone down better.

NatashaBee · 09/11/2012 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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