Well AIBU

[KelperRose]

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ?of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ?atti­tude?

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ?a work place­ment? and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you?ve been put on a work place­ment ?as a pun­ish­ment?

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ?being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who?s best advice on how to find a job was ?look on the inter­net for vacan­cies?

He also asked ?if? work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn?t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.?.then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.?.?.?.?.?.?.?

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .?..you?re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I?d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I?m torn between going ?gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I?ll sup­port you? and ?Well you need to stand on your two feet

Ditto Mutney.

Kids used to be sent up chimneys as well you know.

My son is in the Sea Cadets and wants to be a Marine (I'm trying to quide him into other areas in the navy), so I know where you're coming from OP. It's bloody scary stuff.

Kelper that was a low blow.
You're looking everywhere else, at everyone else. No one but your son himself can realise his potential. But you are enabling him to fail by infantilising him.

Blimey now we're infantilising our teens

No it was not a low blow.......mutney has been praising the sign up process for the army and thinking it's ok for them to be be in Jobcentres.

I don't

Kelper is there a specific reason he is restricting his search to Edinburgh? As I mentioned up thread the job market in Aberdeen is relatively ok why doesn't he look there or even just outwith Edinburgh.

errm because he doesn't drive? and he is an 'unofficial carer for me' That bit makes me feel bad because I feel I might be holding him back?

Trains and buses go to Aberdeen. As for an unofficial carer, that's more tricky, can you approach social services to obtain some sort of support so that he has the freedom to go and get a job elsewhere.

I don't want to sound harsh but it does sound from your last post that you are holding him back. I also have a condition which might mean that I will need additional support in the future but it will be over my dead body that it will come from my children and hold them back in any way.

Writing to his MP, quashing his aspirations, even posting on here as if he was in P1 and not an adult, old enough to vote and get married. You yourself said in your first post you'd fuelled his attitude to the benefits agencies. So yes, infantilising.

that is a worry of mine....holding him back, I've never never ever asked him to be here for me and he always told him 'spread your wings'

OP, you have been asked for the last 9 pages what your son does during the day while he waits for a job to fall into his lap and you only just mention now that he's doing charity work? It's this drip-feeding that is making me not believe what you are saying

I have answered that IWantToGoThere about 2 pages back?

Drip feeding........lol

Also - Fuller Thomson bar & restaurant group.... I walk pas 2 of their places every day, and they have recruiting signs up in the window. If he really wants to work, he could try these.....I also posted another bar opportunity further up thread. See.... it's not that hard when you look. Not wonderful jobs, but jobs nonetheless.

"We're always interested in hearing from good bar and waiting staff, chefs and kitchen assistants. If you can work in Dundee or Edinburgh (please specify) and have experience you think will count, please click here [email protected], write or attach your CV and tell us a bit about why you think you'd be great. We'll be in touch soon."

well this is one restriction he will make........he does not want to work in a bar because his father was an alcoholic and he can't stand being around drunk people

Is the Fuller Thomas bar & restaurant group, with the vacancies in Edinburgh?

Yes - google it and find out the info, but yes, it's in Edinburgh..... I think beggars can't always be choosers with jobs. He either wants work or doesn't, but with respect, he sounds like he's being overly choosy.

I don't particularly like being around drunk people either, but I worked in bars for years because I needed to fund my studying; I didn't like phoning people, trying to sell things, but worked in a call centre selling Sky TV to people for a few months because it was money; I don't particularly enjoy cleaning other people's mess up, but I chambermaided in hotels whilst I was travelling. All examples of if you're really willing to work, you'll do things which wouldn't be your ideal! At 19, and with very little experience, it sounds like he's being picky, and you're enabling that by making excuses for him. Graduates, and those with a lot of experience are struggling to get work at the moment - he's not going to be top of a lot of lists for better paid, cushier jobs.....

I dont like being around drunk people, no one likes being around drunk people but you are a damn sight safer behind the bar than you are standing at it if someone kicks off, trust me!

Frankly, he should take what he can get.

I am beginning to wonder if either of you actually want him to get a job. Seems that you both like the status quo where he doesnt have to work and you get an "unofficial carer" who you dont ask to do anything and tell him to spread his wings while not wanting him to work in the next town

Or, Amazon warehouse in Dunfermline are always looking for people. They recruit through an agency, but not sure which one. Would be fairly easy to google and find out. 30 minute train ride, then 15 minute walk. Not hard. Lots of shifts, and I'm sure it will be busy in the run up to Christmas.
Bet there's an excuse to not look there too.....

well re fuller thomson .....this is what comes up on their website?

fullerthomson operates venues in both Edinburgh and Dundee and has a packed calendar; festivals, launches, international DJ club nights, jazz, comedy, rock - we'll keep you up to date with what's going on, all year long.

So do they actually have jobs because there no vacancies advertised on there website, nor does it say where there physical address is?

No mutney I don't think it does ....what your brother did at age 18 was totally commendable but he's dead now because of war.

in my view it does, it says he didn't make a decision because he wasn't old enough so he didn't make a commitment.

I get you don't want your son to die (remembering this doesn't happen to the majority) but I respected his choice....because he is an adult and his life was use how HE saw fit.

Do you think most parents want their kids to join?

My point is just because you don't want him to join doesn't mean he shouldn't. if he decides that, you can't do anything. You can not make that decision for him.

however, as he seems to be considering it as a way out of a problem, i do hope he doesn't.

As for the drink issue, what about restaurants? they occasionally have drunk people in. He is closing a lot of options
what about an office? what if he gets a job and a colleague has a drink problem? these things happen.

I don't speak to my grandfather as he is a violent drunk. I have also worked in an office where one of my team members had a drink problem and despite trying to get her help and the company paying for treatment, she died. My team were devastated. I couldn't refuse to work with her.

I hate being around drunk people, but it comes with mixing with people in general. Does he never go out with his friends to anywhere that alcohol is served?

Also licensing laws are very strict now. You can lose your license for serving drunk people so bars/ clubs are very up on this and have security to evict people they feel are too drunk.

Please actually read my previous posts OP. Sorry, but I'm leaving this thread before I scream. Some people want the world on a plate......

No it was not a low blow.......mutney has been praising the sign up process for the army and thinking it's ok for them to be be in Jobcentres.

Thats not even true. I do think its ok for them to be in job centres, as it is a valid job.

I have not praised it. I have challenged the view they are 'preying on children'. because its factually incorrect especially in your sons circumstances as he is and ADULT and they did prey on him. Did he sign up? no.

Why are you googling the suggestions OP?

Where is you son and why is he not doing it?

It took me 30 seconds to google fuller thomson in Edinburgh and then clink the link that says 'work for us' where its asks you to email your cv.

Thank you Casperthefriendlyspook he's off goggling the amazon warehouse as we speak. Thanks for that

Completely ignoring the rest of the thread - has he tried going round industrial estates etc? I run a business on an industrial estate and if someone comes round with a good attitude, looking presentable and keen to work we will always point them in the direction of people who are looking for workers or try and help in other ways. Successful people are those who see every bit of work experience as an opportunity and keep adding new skills.

I wish him luck - job hunting is demoralising and it is very hard to keep up with applying for jobs every day. When DH was out of work for 7 months we found it took him less time each day as he was only having to search the updated vacancies online and to the untrained eye it seemed like he was loafing around! He ended up doing jobs that cost him nearly as much in travel as he earned so he was doing something rather than nothing. And cycling 14 mile round trips for minimum wage.

why am goggling the suggestions ........errm well because I am not psychic and need a first of reference