Well AIBU

[KelperRose]

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ?of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ?atti­tude?

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ?a work place­ment? and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you?ve been put on a work place­ment ?as a pun­ish­ment?

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ?being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who?s best advice on how to find a job was ?look on the inter­net for vacan­cies?

He also asked ?if? work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn?t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.?.then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.?.?.?.?.?.?.?

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .?..you?re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I?d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I?m torn between going ?gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I?ll sup­port you? and ?Well you need to stand on your two feet

Why do they target poor areas for recruitment then? They opened an army recruitment centre in my local shopping centre (with playstations with war games on them which kids could come and play). I live in a London borough which every year is declared one of the most deprived parts of the UK.

You don't see them opening them on High Street Ken, do you?

Why not?

I do agree a 22 year contract should not be allowed.

However, that's different to preying on kids to recruit. Yes some recruiters will be devious. But not all or most.

Claiming that children are being preyed on because of one shit situation doesn't add up.

Again apologies for the confusion to you and op.

Its not just the use of prey, its also the use of children.
The Ops son is 19. Not a child.

MrsK, I mean that they target people so desperate for a job they will consider taking one which risks their life - not because they want to serve for noble reasons, but because they're that desperate. They army know what they're doing here.

Michael Moore does something about the US army recruitment tactics, and how they do exactly this, in one of his films (probably Bowling for Columbine or Farenheight 911, I forget which now).

OK, let's substitute the term "young people" for "kids". My lazy use of language there! (They're kids to me!)

*Fahrenheit

Substitute it all you want.

They are still adults capable of making their own decisions.

By saying they 'preyed' upon really undermines the ones go do join.

they don't prey on kids........laughing my ass of........how old was average solider in WW1 or WW2

it was 18 in WW1 , 20 in WW2 and 19 in vietanam .......teenagers

So all of adult age, then. Yes it hilarious that people think an adult can't make a decision.

And what the recruitment of people in wars decades ago have to do with a recruiting in a job centre I don't know.

I also didn't know the UK fought the Vietnam war.

Just posted on facebook:

Fiftysix North

We are currently looking for floor staff to join the fun at 56 in time for the busy festive period. Email us a CV to [email protected]

Why does he not go to university? Get a degree, thats the best place for him.

He will get help with the costs providing you do not earn over the required amount.

So far as I am concerned if he is intelligent enough to go to college the next course of action is Uni, people who go to Uni theoretically earn 40% more than those that don't in a first job.

My son went to Uni for four years came out at 23 and got a 50k a year job with bonuses. Done voluntary whilst at Uni to bolster his CV as it looks good.

Do you run the army mutney are you The Queen

If you can seriously not see that army recruiters in a jobcentre is wrong will heaven help you and sign up all children at 16

As an aside I would always support my children no matter what, be it financial or emotional, it would not be dependant upon them working and giving me money because that is not what I had them for.

When I had my children I knew that no matter what I would always support them financially if necessary. I never had them so that when they left Uni they could work and give me money. Its not what you have children for so they can subsidise the household.

Are you 5, op?

This is where your son gets his attitude.

your child is an adult. Not a 16 year old.
If my children wanted to join, I would support them. Despite the fact my step brother was killed in afganistan.
because it will be their decision.

fair does Mutney bit of warped logic though

so sorry to hear bout your brother

You were asked upthread how your son is currently spending his time, op.
Do you really think "partaking in our family" (!) will look better on his CV than working in a charity shop? It seems to cause you much hilarity for some reason, but I doubt potential employers will see the funny side.

at 19 they're still not "fully cooked" in my opinion either.

19 is still nineTEEN.

My DP joined the army because he was in a similar position to your son. You sign up to do four years, typically, although you can leave before if you really want. It's not surprising (or bad, IMO) that they are recruiting in job centres. Firstly, your son has a voice can say "no" if he doesn't want to do it, which we can clearly see he's willing to do from your previous posts. Secondly, he'd be getting training, a good wage and life experience for the four years he'd be in, probably coming out at 23/24 with skills and knowledge that would stand him in good stead.

I'm not saying he should go for it like, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. And if you're going to learn to loose an attitude the army would be the place to start- if he thinks DWP/Jobcentre are bad....! Whatever choices he makes, you have to stop making excuses for him. If you continue to pander to his "oh woe is me" act all you will do is guarantee that he sees himself as a victim, rather than the master of his own destiny. Give him a slap and get him to realise his potential!

clipped in that case I feel sorry for the 19 year olds you know. 'not fully cooked' really?

thanks op
it hard. But he was an 18 year old (when he joined) who joined because he anted to defend his country and family. he died doing what he thought was right.
By suggesting that the army are preying on kids undermines the dedication and the maturity of people like him.

how how spends his time.......well he is a martial arts geek and goes and trains most days....

He does voluntary work with a local charity

No mutney I don't think it does ....what your brother did at age 18 was totally commendable but he's dead now because of war.

So, maybe, just maybe, you can see my point of view in thinking I don't want my son to be dead by signing up to the army , where they do , and they do, pick on people on people signing up when they are most vulnerable/influential