Well AIBU

[KelperRose]

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ?of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ?atti­tude?

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ?a work place­ment? and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you?ve been put on a work place­ment ?as a pun­ish­ment?

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ?being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who?s best advice on how to find a job was ?look on the inter­net for vacan­cies?

He also asked ?if? work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn?t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.?.then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.?.?.?.?.?.?.?

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .?..you?re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I?d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I?m torn between going ?gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I?ll sup­port you? and ?Well you need to stand on your two feet

I am going to hide this thread.

OP i wish your son the best of luck, but you don't need to do anything apart from say 'i have heard...are looking for people'.

let him do the rest.

I genuinely wish him the best. I do, i just think you need to let him grow up a bit.

Good luck

Thank you mutny

I would advise him to try bar work, regardless of his experiences with his Dad. If he gets evening work then he can still job hunt in the day time. It seems a bit crazy to blank off so many possible jobs.

I also have a 19 year old and there are times when i would like to step in and do things or him but I know he will not learn things unless he sorts them out himself. I would be understanding of the difficultyin finding a job. But I wouldn't be happy with his attitude

Right let's get to the root of this problem as I am the person in question here and my mother is paying for my food, electricity and gas. She is not paying for hobbies, travel and clothing; if she was that would be completely out of order considering she does not have the money to do so - if she was paying for that I would still be attending the martial arts classes I was attending at least once daily every week which I have stopped going to for the month at least as I cannot afford to pay £53 for my Bus Pass and £50 for the classes a month on no money. - The point being she hasn't done herself any favours by saying she's paying for that when she knows I'm spending all my time bored out of my mind because I can't afford my one pleasure in life as I have been kicked off of jobseekers and cannot find a job that would suit it (i.e. a part time, daytime job). Now, the issue of the work programme is that it is not voluntary and the rules are such that you are meant to be put on it after a MINIMUM of 6 months, I was put on it after 2 and a half, which is against their rules. I was also put on it as a punishment, which is against their rules. In the 3 months I have been on JSA I have only received 3 payments, I should have received 6. I was sanctioned because of being EXACTLY 3 minutes late to a "Get Britain Working" meeting due to an ambulance obstructing the single lane traffic in the torn up wreckage that is Princes Street. Even after having explained this and asking if it was possible for them to still let me in, they refused. As a result I had my money cut (which is supposed to have been punishment enough as they are not allowed to punish you twice for the same thing). I was also "directed" to take part in a work placement provided by JHP, a company which operates out of a small room and is managed by one man. Had they sent me to A4E, which actually has it's own offices and a team of staff, I would not have been so angry. (I had been initially told if I was ever to be on a work programme I would be with either A4E or Atos) - When I had been directed to take part in this programme I was actually on a sick line and was unable to attend the meeting due to a severe ankle sprain. As I never attended this initial meeting I should have been called in for the same meeting again but I was not, I was sent a detailed work placement following a meeting that never happened (this happened twice) - Again another breech of protocol. Following all of this I was declared ineligible for work by my imbecilic adviser who told me that because I was a carer for my mum I could not work (this is obviously untrue as I can work but because the adviser had refused to do her job correctly from the first meeting we had, she claimed that I had not told her everything she needed to know, it is her job to ask the questions, not my job to volunteer information to someone I don't respect). Now that the explanation of that is over and done with I will try and explain what the problem is with finding employment.

• The short answer is, if you're not a student, you're out of work and you're 19 years old, people don't want to employ you. My qualifications are mediocre but did at least get me an interview with the Burton clothes group - meaning I am not doing anything wrong with my approach to applications. Secondly, the lack of work that is actually available in general is extremely high, it took my girlfriend a year and half after leaving education to find even part-time employment. Thirdly, If I am to continue studying martial arts to a capacity where I can actually make a career out of it, I absolutely NEED a daytime job to allow me to go to my classes, people that go to Uni to need to find Night work a lot of the time to pay for their studies, I need the opposite to pay for mine. That in mind the employment that is available to me to apply for is largely at night which is unsuitable, however I have applied for many night time jobs just to see how I'd get on and even they don't respond to me. Basically; the jobs that are available aren't suitable or aren't in reasonable travelling distance (i.e over 90 minutes each way, which is now not very far due to Edinburgh's catastrophic road work situation). I will also not work in a bar as I do not believe in alcohol, my Dad is not an alcoholic, I do not know why my Mum said that - I just don't drink it and I don't think anybody should.

Now, going to a work placement to work in a back room of a charity shop for no money, sitting from 9-5 pricing clothes all day is not going to help me get a job when I have 2 years worth of genuine work experience and 2 references available upon request for employers.

I do not appreciate being called workshy when I have worked for 2 years, I am obviously not workshy, if I could get a job do you people really think I'd put up with the shit from the job centre that I am going through, I am up there so regularly now that everyone in their knows me by face and name, is fucking me on a daily basis helping me into work? I think not.

Now, not to name names, but looking after children doesn't constitute employment and I imagine a great deal of contributers to a website called mumsnet, trying to act high and mighty are sitting at home in their owned houses watching the telly and surfing the net while their husbands are at work to support them while their kids are at school - I am not attacking anyone here with children under the age of 5, I can understand completely why you would not work when you have children under schooling age but after that, if you have the audacity to tell me that I am workshy, then you should get off your arse and get a job yourself.

In response to Whois - If you suck up the government trying to screw you over at every turn you will wind up a shell with no purpose in life wondering why you bother to get out of bed every morning. At every turn I have been systematically bullied. When I asked them to help me get a job they told me they couldn't. The JobCentre is supposed to help people into work, all they've done is "help" me off of the benefits system. I played the game for 2 months until I started to say enough is enough.

I hope this perhaps puts some perspective into this thread as I feel it was needed. I apologise if it is a little jumbled but there was a lot to address. The unemployed are people too, we don't like being on the dole and we do not appreciate the government removing jobs and then punishing us for being unemployed!

I live in a sleepy little town not a big city like you and when my son announced he wanted to leave college,he was told if you get a job you can leave,within 24 hours he had a signed up with a recruitment agency,three days later he had an induction day and within a week of applying had done three days work,two years down the line he is a permanent member of staff with that company,if he can do it in a high area of unemployment then I am sure you can find something in a big city,its all about the right attitude.

Fascinating. Good luck in your future. You will need it.

I'm wondering if either the OP or her son realises that 85% of jobs currently are filled by word of mouth and never even advertised.

Now he's posted I still think he sounds as though he has an unfortunate attiude and isn't being sufficiently proactive. Even if he has previous experiences and references they won't have currency for very long as the CV gap gets bigger. And his mother does sound as though she's infantalising him.

At 19 he should be capable of getting his CV reviewed, contacting companies and asking for a work trial, sourcing useful voluntary work etc. I wonder if he's received training in tailoring applications to job specifications? Has he taken advice on his personal statement? The average potential employer spends 8 seconds looking at it, so if it doesn't have immediate impact you go on the reject pile.

@1sassylassy - What job did your son get? You do realise the unemployment figures are at a record high and that it doesn't really matter whether you are in a small town or a big city, the jobs that I would have been likely to get 10 years ago with GCSE/Higher level qualifications are now going to people with degrees or studying for degrees, I do not really have very many options.

@ Inconceivable - I thank you for the wish of luck but would like to assure you there will be no need for it, might I ask what you do with your life and what your children are doing with theirs? Also if you are a man or a woman?

@ Ilovesooty, where did you get that statistic? That doesn't sound at all realistic as I do not know anyone that didn't get a job by applying for it online as that is now the way the world works and when you go into an employer that is what they tell you to do, with the exception of the CoOp and Pizza Hut, I have always been told, "You need to apply online". I spent 2 hours walking through Edinburgh today looking for vacancies, there was only one in the areas I crossed, at Ann Summers - I doubt they're going to employ me, a 19 year old man, to work in a Woman's Sex Shop.

I'm a National Careers Service advisor and that statistic was given out at a training session led by a nationally well known and extensively published independent consultant with 20 years experience in the career development field. I suspect her knowledge of the career market is superior to yours.

On the subject of labouring, I do not feel manual labour is for me, I have met labourers, I have served labourers - I know that is not the kind of job I am going to do. Yes I might be picky in the sense that I'll not do some kinds of jobs, but if I want to pursue what I want to do in life, something that so many people will spend their lives not doing, then I have to be. But even then, that is a very small part of the reason I do not have a job and 2.6 million (official) unemployed people would agree with me. Futhermore, people on income support and carer's allowance that are unemployed but are eligible for work, are not included in the unemployment figures - that is about another 1 - 2 million people. So really the amount of unemployed is around 3-5 million people in Britain. Are you all really going to tell me that even 2.6 million people are out of work because it's their own fault? Are you kidding me? Some of you must have been unemployed at some point in your lives, were you bad people when you were unemployed?

Goldeneyedog - in an ideal world, what sort of job would you like to do? What did you study at college?

"ilovesooty Fri 09-Nov-12 19:32:45
I'm a National Careers Service advisor and that statistic was given out at a training session led by a nationally well known and extensively published independent consultant with 20 years experience in the career development field. I suspect her knowledge of the career market is superior to yours."

Utter bollocks, these figures are made up to make unemployed people seem useless, I hear a lot of these figures on BBC Parliament (remembering I have a lot of free time I get to hear a lot of this) and I know for a fact that when the ministers tip toe around questions of how the figures came about that they were actually not at all true. Having studied research and methods I can tell you that the research carried out was funded by a group with an agenda and the agenda of the group that funded it will have been to make it seem that jobs are 85% unlisted. - If I had the money I could fund an investigation to "prove" the opposite, none of these figures are ever actually reliable. As I have just said about the unemployment figures.

Now I learned this from an Edinburgh University lecturer, if you want to compare dick sizes about this, I think they know more than your superior.

My my, what a charming young man. It's scarcely possible to believe that no employer has yet snapped you up.

Let's see, you don't want to work in a pub, do manual labouring, stickering for a charity, go in the army or travel too far.

I just had a quick google and there is enough unskilled jobs out there, particularly temporary for the Christmas season.

Yes, I think you are too picky and have an entitled attitude. I also know you are not going to take this on board and probably have some sort of excuse for it.

Not sure why it is relevant but I work fulltime, am female, married and have three young children.

There IS work out there for people that want to work, we are constantly employing youngsters only for them to not turn up / walk out a few months later as they just don't want to be there (retail), there is a bad work ethic among young people nowadays.....

My my, what a charming young man. It's scarcely possible to believe that no employer has yet snapped you up

Absolutely.

So: you're rejecting all sorts of jobs because they're not want you want to do. You're insisting you're right, everyone else is wrong and there's some conspracy which means that it's everyone else's fault you're unemployed. That means you're justifying not being proactive or thinking creatively to address the problem.

BTW: the trainer isn't my "superior". Just one of the greatest experts in her field in the UK.

I said I wasn't coming back here, but dear lord! GoldeneyeDog .... Seriously. Wind your neck in. The world does not owe you, or anyone else, a living. I interview people for both junior and fairly senior posts quite regularly. I have rarely come across anyone with such a terribly entitled attitude as you do, I'm afraid. This is not character assassination by any manner of means, but I hope that you see this as constructive, as this is how it's meant.

You need to be way more realistic about what you are willing to do, I'm afraid. Then, once you've proved yourself more, you can ask for, or look for, these better opportunities. I wanted to work with the World Health Organization when I was a teenager - didn't mean I was going to only apt for those posts....

Oh, and before you start knocking me, as you have others.... Yes, I've been unemployed (including a very recent period of unemployment). It's not easy, but you have to suck it up and make an effort. I don't sit in a house spending 'my husband's money', as you suggest. I have always been the main wage earner in our relationship. My partner works hard, but his career path doesn't pay the way mine does. We share care of our daughter and we both work hard and earn the cash. I have 2 degrees and a professional qualification, and he has 2 degrees. We've worked hard to get where we are, but sometimes we had to do jobs which weren't our ideals.

And breathe.....

there is a bad work ethic among young people nowadays

To be fair: not all of them. Just arrogant entitled people like the one posting here whose mother endorses his attitude.

Any work experience will improve his CV, especially if he learns the trick of turning "stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop" to "I've worked for X charitable organisation, where I was responsible for stock control, displays and trusted to use my initiative to consider what items were worth" or something like that.

The point is, he is someone with very limited work experience and having been offered a placement has decided he's over-qualified and over-experienced! What a twat!

I tell you what will continue to harm his CV - extended periods of inactivity.

OP, send him back to the Job Centre with his tail between his legs and a bit more humility, to beg for his placement back.

' looking after children doesn't constitute employment'

ROFL!

GoldeneyeDog: You know that bad attitude everyone's been referring to throughout this thread?

Yeah.

1. Why would I join the army and get shot at, are you insane?
2. I will not work in a pub as I do not believe in alcohol, if I were a muslim this would be accepted.
3. I will not do manual labouring as, quite frankly, if I can respond to you in such a well constructed manner, I am not supposed to be a manual labourer.
4. Stickering for a charity will not pay me, so why would I do that? It's not legitimate experience.
5. Travel too far, yes I don't fancy spending my life on the bus - If it's out of the 90 minute radius even the government says I shouldn't go further. The conservative, "get on your bike" government, says 90 minutes and no more.
6. It was relevant because I wanted to know if you were a man living on wife-support.

@Whoknowswhocares,
The responses everyone is getting from me is because they clearly have no idea what it's like to actually be unemployed in this day and age and have to deal with the dwp. Employers get a much better attitude, as far as employers know I'll do whatever work they want done - next.

@Ratherbeacyborg
Ideally I just want a job that I can do for between 16-23 hours a week that is during the day. As long as that job is not in fast food or working on a building site, I'm pretty much cool with anything. The main issue is hours, not the actual job. I studied a very psychology based Social Studies course, it was not actually what I had signed up for at college, the one unit of the course I wanted to study (Politics) was dropped from the course when the lecturer left at the start of my course. Was a complete waste of a year of my life.

larks35: absolutely. He obviously has no idea how to sell himself and demonstrate transferable skills. I doubt if he's done any serious work on this.

His CV will certainly suffer the longer he remains out of work and refuses to consider a range of options.