Well AIBU

[KelperRose]

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ?of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ?atti­tude?

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ?a work place­ment? and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you?ve been put on a work place­ment ?as a pun­ish­ment?

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ?being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who?s best advice on how to find a job was ?look on the inter­net for vacan­cies?

He also asked ?if? work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn?t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.?.then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.?.?.?.?.?.?.?

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .?..you?re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I?d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I?m torn between going ?gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I?ll sup­port you? and ?Well you need to stand on your two feet

My DS has worked in a charity shop for a couple of hours a week for the last three years. He files bits of paper. (even less exciting than stickers) This has gone on his UCAS form. He discussed how it shows dedication, the ability to work with a wide variety of mad old biddies people and enthusiasm. Etc, etc. If I were unemployed I would happily put stickers on things in a charity shop.

I am sorry to question the OP but I would be stunned if the OP's DS was sanctioned purely for being 3 minutes late.

I think the OP needs to tell her DS to change his attitude.

Is he good enough at marial arts to do some volunteer (paid?) work in that area?

KelperRose I haven't read the whole thread as tbh I don't want to get sucked in to arguing with the benefit bashers who I suspect may well be spilling poisonous bile here!

There are two issues here, your son getting a job and the way he's been treated.

WorkFare is a farce. Anyone who thinks it's a good thing has little experience of total uselessness of the DWP. I've signed on a couple of times and they've hindered, rather than helped me find work!

I would definitely make a complaint about workfare as punishment. That's an abuse of the system, and anyway, if it's so beneficial, why would it be used as a punishment?!

Regarding your son, you asked if anyone would look at his CV. I used to view CVs as part of my old job, and have written a fair few for friends (with a good success rate!). If you want to send it to me I'd be happy to give it the once over. PM me if you'd like me to do this :)

aufaniae if you had read the whole thread you would have seen there was NO benefit bashing. People have given a lot of advice on where to look for jobs and even someone with details of a possible job for her son.

Yes people have said his attitude stinks but i suggest you read the whole thread before you accuse people of spouting poisionous bile.

I think you have the chance to salvage this situation, or rather for him to do so. He does sound a bit stroppy, but on the other hand, he is now experiencing the consequences of having walked out (no JSA) and this may be the best thing that ever happened to him, might knock some of the attitude off whilst giving him the fire to do better and get a good first job (to avoid the dreadful fate of workschemes).

The one thing is though, I think you should leave him to it, as you have done. If he wants to complain to his MP, let him write the letter. If he wants to apply for jobs, let him get someone to review his CV. I work at a university and see infantalised teenagers, some even early twenties all the time. If they get into trouble or get bad marks, they tell me their parents will be coming to the university to sort things out, or get them to call up. Don't be that parent. Allow him to learn from this mistake. Allow him to get another crappy job which might be even worse than sticking on labels, and not pay much either. Let him realise for himself how this is going to have to work.

In the long run, allow his own ambition to drive all of this, not yours for him. I think it's ok to pass on info, or read through a letter he has written for spelling errors, but beyond that, I would let him fight his own battles, which he seems to be doing quite successfully. I think it will come right for him if he has applied for that many jobs and keeps going (it is a tough market though).

I agree that you son needs to do something with his time - even if it's not what he wants to do long term. The charity shop would be a lot better than nothing & I'm sure he could pull a lot out of that to talk about at future interviews.

I graduated in a recession. I had a good degree in an acedemic subject that I'd worked extremely hard for. As soon as I finished, I signed up with temp agencies & I also applied to do voluntary work (in an area totally unrelated to my degree). The temp agency sent me for an interview to go a filing job for a local government dept. The wage was not much over minimum wage and it was quite a bit less than I'd been paid before I started my degree.

However, I didn't turn my nose up at it. I put on a suit, took the interview very seriously and prepared well beforehand - I got the filing job! I then spent months on my hands & knees in a dark, cold filing room, looking for the files of dead people so they could be destroyed . It was demoralising and I did feel overqualified. But, I turned up every day and remained as professional as I could. I was then offered extra temp hours as a P.A, which I accepted..

I carried on doing this, as well as voluntary work, rushing around to get to the job after the school run & paying ridiculous parking fees to park in a town half an hour away (which meant I wasn't really earning much anyway!). In addition to this, I kept up with the voluntary work at weekends.

But it paid off in the end. Within 6 months, I was offered 3 permanent jobs in a short period of time. One with the council I was temping for & two for private companies I'd interviewed with. The job I accepted was one where there had been a massive amount of candidates & it was a really gruelling interview process. It also had a good graduate starting salary.I know there were others who were as qualified as I was (or more) but I honestly think the thing that made me stand out was that I had a lot to talk about and they could see I'd really kept myself busy since graduating.

Imagine I've I'd just sat there with a negative attitude & said "well, I'm been trying to find a job for 6 months but there's nothing out there". I managed to be enthusiastic about everything I'd been doing, despite the fact that I'd hated every minute of the council job.

Okay, your DS doesn't want to work for free and I understand that it is hard for 19 year olds to see the bigger picture at times. But he has to realise that there are SO many people looking for work right now that is is going to be up against really qualified, experienced and enthusiastic people. He needs something that makes him stand out - and that shouldn't be his attitude!

• academic not acedemic!

Replied kelper hope it worked think pm's are playing up!

Also what about royal mail? Lots of temp posties at this time of year!

I think the charity work would have been a good idea - is there any more volunteering he can do? Particularly with his martial arts. Hopefully one of the other places he has applied to will contact him. How long has it been? Perhaps a follow up email would help.

At least he didn't do what one charmer I interviewed did. When asked to tell us a little bit about himself he replied, 'I don't think that's any of your business'.

Ratherbe that's funny (not in a good way really!)

I just feel a bit overwhelmed to be honest because he is hurting and I can't make it better (if that makes sense?)

I get that. But its of his own making.

He has applied to all those companies. How many small independent restaurants has he been into with his cv. There are quite alot in Edinburgh and all will need extra staff right now.

Purple2012 if they're not here I'm delighted!

There are many benefit bashers on mumsnet however and I have spent far too long arguing with them in the past.

Have stuff to do today, can't risk getting drawn in!

What's he interested in doing? What's he want for a career?

When I left uni I wanted to get a job in book publishing but so did a million other people. So I got a job in a bookshop - poor wage but an area I was interested in and it gave me enough experience to get into book publishing.

He should be doing anything he can in whatever area he really loves to get experience.

I do know it's very hard for young people these days. I advertised a job recently and nearly all respondents had a degree but hadn't been able to get a degree-relevant job since graduation (most had, however, made the effort to find employment somewhere).

well he just had his jobcentre appointment , to sign back on, and was approached by two people to say 'have you ever thought about joining the army'

WTF are the army recruiting in Job Centres these days

He's come home saying 'I might go in the army , they pay and I wouldn't be unemployed'

I'm a bit

he'd clean toilets ....he just want a job

Oh, no, that's terrible

WTF are the army recruiting in Job Centres these days

What's wrong with that? What's wrong with the army and why is it so awful. If he does want to join it needs to be more than a quick decision. He needs to choose because he wants it not because they are there.

It's admirable that he just wants a job - but is there nothing at all he'd specifically like to do?

My cousin is in the navy and has had a fantastic time and good career progression.

What's wrong with the army trying to recruit my DCS, in my eyes is:

a. I don't agree with most of what they do

b. I don't want my DCs getting blown up, or trained to be killers

c. I think preying on kids who have no jobs, asking them to risk their lives in return for a pay cheque - not because the want to support queen and country, but because they are desperate for a job, any job - is evil.

Well, OP

On a and b YOUR opinion doesn't matter.

On C the army is a perfect reasonable and good job to have. They are not preying on kids. Your son is an adult.
I think that's the issue. You don't come across as though your son is 19, it sounds like you are talking about a child. He isn't.
And do you really not credit him with enough sense to actually think about what joining the army means?

Hey, I'm not the OP, you're getting confused!

And yes, the army do prey on the poor and desperate, of course they do. To think otherwise is naive IMO.

No I don't think most 19 year olds really understand what going to war actually means, not the reality of it.

it wasn't the op that posted her reasoning!

Anyway, FWIW, I think the army should advertise and actively recruit (they have to obviously) but something just doesn't sit right with me at the thought of them targeting young people at job centres.

Signing up to however many years in the forces isn't the same as taking a shit job.

Some years back, I met an 18 year-old who'd signed just signed a 22 year contract with the army.

I don't think an 18 year old really has any concept of 22 years! That should be illegal IMO.

sorry yes I am gett you confused with the op.

but most still stands.

They don't prey on kids ffs.

How would you describe prey?