Well AIBU

[KelperRose]

Im ask­ing for advice and opin­ions on how you would han­dle this sit­u­a­tion

My son, 19, left col­lege ear­lier this year and even­tu­ally signed on at the end of August when the casual work he had at his Uncles café dried up and all his job appli­ca­tions were unsuc­cess­ful

Since then he has been sanc­tioned twice (once for being 3 mins late to a group ses­sion at no fault of his own , but which I think fuelled his atti­tude ?of you have treated me unfairly so why should I respect you ?atti­tude?

They then after the sanc­tion rec­om­mended him for ?a work place­ment? and he went to the com­pany (JHP) for an ini­tial inter­view and the guy there told him your here and you?ve been put on a work place­ment ?as a pun­ish­ment?

He, rightly or wrongly walked out and said some­thing along the lines ?being pun­ished for being 3 mins late to a group who?s best advice on how to find a job was ?look on the inter­net for vacan­cies?

He also asked ?if? work place­ments were the great gov­ern­ment scheme to help peo­ple into work why are you admit­ting you are putting me on this for pun­ish­ment (his think­ing here was if he hadn?t been 3 mins late he would not have been referred for a work place­ment)

. he also asked ?If I go and stick price labels on stuff at the back of a char­ity shop for a month do you really think I?d put that on my CV when I have skills and qual­i­fi­ca­tions already , what does that say about me other than I was unem­ployed and put on a workscheme?

They then sanc­tioned his job seek­ers again.?.then sus­pended it indef­i­nitely . Then sent him p45 form say­ing he was obvi­ously not enti­tled to JSA as he did not want a job!!!!!!

We now have Alas­dair Dar­ling MP , and Andrew Burns leader of the Edin­burgh coun­cil involved too but , but this is my point.?.?.?.?.?.?.?

I cre­ated in part his atti­tude towards the DWP, Job Cen­tres and work place­ments so should I just suck it up and con­tinue pay­ing for him (food, travel, roof over his head, clothes, hob­bies etc) or should should I say .?..you?re unem­ployed and until you get the means to sup­port your­self your going have to suck it up and play ball with what­ever they want you to do for £56 a week

I?d really appre­ci­ate some views , thanks coz I?m torn between going ?gonna my son It is shit, it wrong and I?ll sup­port you? and ?Well you need to stand on your two feet

[mutny]

I would be very surprised if small independent restaurant, bar, care etc only advertise online. owning a restaurant myself I know I, and the business owners around me (all small independents) like people coming through the door. The only online job advertising we would do is with the job centre.

A pp has said their is lots of no experience required jobs in Edinburgh. Even if he walks down the street and notes the name of the advertisers or posts a cv through their door, or if they are open go in introduce himself and leave a cv.

And tbh op all this 'of course I am making excuses, he is my son' is not helping him.

[Icelollycraving]

I am currently recruiting seasonal temps & the interviews have been unusually of a high standard. The people that are attending have less opportunities than before & make more of an effort. Those that don't,don't get a job. The ones turning up with an entitled poor me attitude don't get offered a job,they will be a bloody nightmare in the workplace.
I have offered jobs to people with little experience but who have a bit of oomph about them. The ones that are the biggest pain are the ones with the indulgent parents. He needs to grow up & accept any job.

[mrskeithrichards]

Get him to register with recruitment agencies. A few years ago with the snow all the work ground to a halt but my husband kept gettin calls from agencies to go out and clear the streets of snow.

[VoiceofUnreason]

Kelper you ask for advice and opinions but generally you come across as not wanting to hear them. We can only go on what you tell us in your OP and subsequently and unfortunately, based on that, your son doesn't come across well. Even in your OP you yourself say he has an attitude.

Yes, it may well stink that he was told he was there as a 'punishment' if they did say that. But unfortunately when he does get a job he will find there are times when his boss may say something he doesn't like or agree with and he needs to learn how to handle that (either suck it up or discuss it reasonably).

The only advice to offer is that he needs to sort his attitude out. No one can magic up a job for him in the current climate. There will always be people with better qualifications than him going for even the lowest-paid roles. That is life. He needs to understand that. He also needs to understand that if he is up for a job - any job - there will be loads up for it. He needs to make himself stand out. Because a good personality, willingness to work (demonstrated on a CV and volunteering DOES count these days) and most importantly a positive, cheerful attitude can often be the deciding factor.

[mrskeithrichards]

I don't think those days are gone, many places recruiting temps at this time of year will have a stash of applications under the counter.

What does he think about the labouring I mentioned?

[procrastinor]

kelper someone up thread has said that their DH is looking for labourers - that might be a good place to start (with tons of transferable skills)

[procrastinor]

Ah mrskeithrichards talk of the devil...

[helpyourself]

I train job seekers in interview technique, job search strategies, CV and letter writing.
Attitude is really important though. Nothing puts a prospective employer off more than giving the impression that the applicant thinks the job is below him. And that impression comes not from qualifications but a lack of graft on the cv- he needs volunteering, McD jobs on it.

[mrskeithrichards]

Dh is needing to get an extension out the ground before the weather sets in, decent pay (£8 hour) for a few weeks. Recruitment done through an agency, pm me and I'll let you know which one. It's easy to register with these agencies and once you are they contact you for work. Especially if you've proven yourself before.

Not a permanent solution but some cash and experience.

[KelperRose]

thanks Mutney I appreciate your thoughts ....I'm only making an excuse for him on here , not in real life.

In real life I'm alternating between supporting and encouraging him then sort of lecturing him with the 'when i was 19 I had a fulltime hob and my own flat' routine.

I just feel a bit overwhelmed to be honest because he is hurting and I can't make it better (if that makes sense?)

[KelperRose]

oops job not hob (although I did have my own cooker )

[mameulah]

What whois said.

I can't believe you are in a dilema as to whether or not to support your son?

Being successfully employed is about being able to play 'the game' and part of 'the game' is knowing when to keep your mouth shut and making sure you are punctual. It is his life, he is responsible for it.

If there was even one other person there who was 'playing the game' by being punctual and keeping their mouth shut why would they have picked your son? He needs to realise that he is not doing them a favour by turning up. They don't care if he turns up or not. Being unemployed and without opportunity is his problem, not theirs.

[mrskeithrichards]

[givemeaclue]

Ok well whilst looking for a paying job ,one charity/voluntary work sounds ideal. Is he prepared to do that?

[TheReturnOfBridezilla]

I work for a parallel agency and JSA really does get sanctioned for the poorest of reasons. There was mention in the press last year of JCP workers working to targets over the issue.

[Bogeyface]

It was very kind of you to offer that information Mrs.

I can see you

[blueraincoat]

Bogeyface - You probably already know this but you sound like an incredible mum.

OP - YABU. I was unemployed leaving university. I volunteered whilst applying to 6-7 jobs a day. It was the skills that I got from volunteering that got me the job I have now and the degree-relevant job I am about to walk into. Your son has to do whatever he can however over qualified he is and as other people said he just has to suck it up.

[KelperRose]

thank you MrskeithRichards will pm you

[HeathRobinson]

My 18 yr old dd is at college. She also has 3 part-time jobs. It can be done if you're not picky.

[Bogeyface]

Hah, I am not Blue, scraping average at best :o but thanks for saying that :)

[WileyRoadRunner]

There has got to be some Christmas temp jobs surely? Not ideal for career purposes but he will be working, earning money, and out of the house.

Yes it will be boring but work is (unless you are really lucky).

In our local towns all the temp jobs are advertised with posters in the shop windows - Next, the department stores, Topshop, Lakeland etc. These never appear online or in local publications.

I think you need to encourage him to do anything rather than stay in the situation he is currently in. It will be better if he finds something himself and then he can distance himself from the DWP workers and work placements etc as he obviously finds it all difficult to stomach.

Now is the hardest time to be a university or college leaver. It won't last forever but he needs to be doing something/anything as others will and they will put working in a charity shop/temp retail/volunteering on their CV's. He must understand that that will then give them a advantage over him.

[KelperRose]

he's applied for John Lewis, Sainsbury's , Asda , Boots , McDonalds, Tesco, Next , River Island, PizzaHut, Top Shop, Superdrug and a pound shop for Christmas work.

He's had 4 emails saying thanks but no thanks 'we'll keep your details on file' an is still too hear back from the others (fingers crossed)

[ClippedPhoenix]

KelperRose

I don't want to get into some sort of terrible argument on here. I think some of the posters have been appauling, calling your son names for one is disgusting.

I just wanted to offer a bit of support. It's awful isn't it. I remeber walking out of school and into a job, then another if that didn't suit. There was none of this shite that goes on now adays.

You sound like a lovely mum and as you've said your son is still a teenager.

Frustration on both sides then. Just keep at it and tell him from me, he'll get there.

[KelperRose]

did you get pm MrsKR? I'm not sure how to pm?

[KelperRose]

Thank you ClippedPhonenix