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AIBU?

to expect DH to contact me when away on business trip?

67 replies

BebeBelge · 08/11/2012 12:27

I really don't think it is asking too much. DH went away Tues morning and will be back Sat morning. He is a 6 hour flight away but only one hour behind so time zone is not an excuse.

There is not much about him that annoys me but this drives me insane. Everytime he goes away, I usually get a quick email to say he has arrived (which I already know because the email arrives about 5 hours after his expected arrival and by that time I have already checked his flight status) and then pretty much radio silence. He only phones if we are in the same country. If he is abroad, it is only email. I miss him. It would be nice to chat at the end of the day. Before he goes, he tells me he is going to miss me so much blah blah. So why not bloody show me you care and get in touch???

Also, on a normal day, he never phones me from work (I am a SAHM and yes, do feel a little lonely) just to say 'hello' which I have learnt most husbands do. It would also be nice if he could let me know when he will be home from work in the evenings as then I can judge whether to keep the kids up an extra 10 mins to see him or whether to cook for him or not. Simple courtesies, no? Or am I just a whinging wifie, who needs to get over it??

I'm feeling generally taken for granted at the moment so my judgement may be a little clouded but I think I have a point?

OP posts:

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nextphase · 08/11/2012 13:19

Sorry, just seen they won't change the contacting policy. ignore that comment above.

Skype prohibited from work laptops here also (but we do have wifi access)

whois · 08/11/2012 13:20

Ringing at lunchtime to say hi is not normal.

I would think it very odd if my male colleagues had to ring home. I would find it odd if my DP rang me while I was at work just to say hi.

BebeBelge · 08/11/2012 13:22

Thank you all for the suggestions about mobile rates and Skype but these things are not going to change any time soon. The organisataion is too big and the policies are blanket ones.

He could get a personal mobile. We may look into that but the country we live in only offers rather expensive contracts so it may not be cost effective, but I will ask him to check.

OP posts:

Ephiny · 08/11/2012 13:27

I would not expect or want DH to phone or text me during the work day just to say 'hi' . I would find that clingy and pretty annoying tbh.

As for letting you know when he'll be home - I guess that's up to him. If he doesn't let you know, and dinner etc isn't timed to his convenience, he doesn't really have the right to complain. You're not a mind-reader! I'd just say that and leave it up to him what he does.

I would be happy with communicating by email when one of us is travelling. This is what we'd normally do anyway.

LaQueen · 08/11/2012 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BebeBelge · 08/11/2012 13:35

I would be happy communicationg by email when he is away too, but he doesn't!

Anyway, I am clealy BU on some fronts and I need to decide if it is worth the stress if talking to him or not.

In the meantime, thanks again, and I am off to bed (different time zone) at the end of yet another day with no contact and not knowing if he is alive or dead, or him knowing if we are alive or dead ok, so I'm being a tad melodramatic here!

OP posts:

worsestershiresauce · 08/11/2012 13:37

Given the phone situation I am not surprised he doesn't call when he is away. That does put a slightly different spin on things. It isn't that he can't be bothered, it is that is is difficult and expensive. Email seems a good compromise. I don't know of any employers that pay for personal calls - it would turn into a difficult taxable benefit situation if they did.

As for calls during the day - that's a bit clingy tbh. My DH doesn't call me, and I don't call him. I don't know anyone that does call their partner tbh. We're all busy, and work is work.

Ephiny · 08/11/2012 13:39

Oh I thought you said he did email you when abroad?

SoldeInvierno · 08/11/2012 13:39

I go away often on business and I never call. I don't see the point if I am only away for 2 or 3 days. I sent txt, but only about once per day. I prefer to keep the conversations for when I come back.

BebeBelge · 08/11/2012 13:46

He usualy emails to say he arrived ok, and after that is anyone's guess. I would like a quick email every day just to know he is alive, but it seems IABU and clingy to want this. Therefore, I will go with the MN majority and I will not talk to DH about this when he gets back home.

OP posts:

Jenny70 · 08/11/2012 13:57

My Dh travels a lot too, sometimes cities, sometimes outback bush camp in namibia ... he always calls every 2-3 days. It's hard to remember what to tell him in one call, but he does usually say when he's going to call.

I would suggest you ask him to call you on certain day, either because you tell him about an activity/appointment .... then hopefully he'll get in the habit of thinking to call you.

Or a guilt trip that the kids needed stitches, plaster cast and he didn't know about it (hard to make happen in right timeframe ;) )

ChinUpChestOut · 08/11/2012 15:44

BebeBeige I think I understand now. If that particular policy is for security reasons there's not a lot you can do :(. Your best bet is probably a local mobile phone - then at least you could text him to ask if he's arrived. I'm a great believer in training - in time, he might learn to text you.....

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 08/11/2012 15:49

My DH mostly calls or texts or emails every day (might just be a 3 word text or a saucy email!) when away. He didn't always but over the years has become better trained at this! :)

JustSpidero · 08/11/2012 15:56

If it means that much to you then YANBU.

Personally I'd be ok with a few texts of an evening or an email if it was just a few days.

As for calling during a normal working day - my friend's DH does this every single day. TBH if my DH called me every day from/at work I would go mental. It smacks of neediness and checking up to me, but then we are both usually at work at lunchtime and he is a chef so certainly can't be chatting to me on the phone then!

ilovetermtime · 08/11/2012 15:58

I think you just need to have an honest chat with him. If I were you I'd insist on him calling to let you know when he'll be home. I had this problem with my DH when the kids were little and it drove me mad. I had to spell it out to him, on more than one occasion as his memory is crap, but now he pretty much always calls.

JustSpidero · 08/11/2012 16:23

Have just read back and seen that he often doesn't contact you at all - that would be trying I must admit.

QuickLookBusy · 08/11/2012 17:05

Bebe I don't think YABU at all.

You're in a different country, cannot speak the local language and have 3 DC to cope with. He should be contacting you each day.

My DH used to work away a lot. He wouldn't contact me at all during the day as he was so busy, he also always had events etc to attend in the evening. But I made it very clear that I expected him to phone the DDs every night, just so I knew he was ok and he knew that we were.

I really don't think that's too much to ask your husband and father of your children.

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